Funny Quotes

• 

  Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.

  Mark Twain

  Inspirational, Life, Hilarious

  2618 Copy quote

• Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

  Alan Dundes

  Inspirational, Christmas, Sarcastic

  2239 Copy quote
• 

  If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.

  Dalai Lama

  Inspirational, Change, Inspiring

  1283 Copy quote

• Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.

  Mark Twain

  Change, Politics, Diapers

  1898 Copy quote
• 

  When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.

  Will Rogers

  Death, Hilarious, Humorous

  2387 Copy quote

• Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.

  Dale Carnegie

  Faith, Time, Motivation

  Dale Carnegie (2010). “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living”, p.372, Simon and Schuster

  2473 Copy quote

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• Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian.

  Dennis Wholey

  Inspirational, Life, Karma

  2400 Copy quote

• As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two.

  Norman Wisdom

  Birthday, Memories, Humorous

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  1557 Copy quote

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• Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

  Oscar Wilde

  Life, Hilarious, Witty

  257 Copy quote

• money is not everything but it ranks right up there with oxygen

  Zig Ziglar

  Money, Oxygen, Famous Motivational

  37 Copy quote

• The empty vessel makes the loudest sound.

  William Shakespeare

  Life, Sarcastic, Wisdom

  171 Copy quote
• 

  To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead.

  Thomas Paine

  4th Of July, Medicine, Religion

  518 Copy quote

• The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.

  Albert Einstein

  Love, Life, God

  "Personal Quotes/ Biography". www.imdb.com.

  2470 Copy quote

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• Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!

  Billy Connolly

  Inspirational, Witty, Humor

  872 Copy quote

• Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

  Margaret Mead

  Inspirational, Inspiring, Laughter

  262 Copy quote

• The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.

  Abraham Lincoln

  Inspirational, Life, Motivational

  Abraham Lincoln (1992). “The Wit and Wisdom of Abraham Lincoln”, Plume

  646 Copy quote

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• 

  Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I'm possible'!

  Audrey Hepburn

  Inspirational, Motivational, Positive

  246 Copy quote
• 

  Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

  George Carlin

  Inspirational, Life, Sarcastic

  "Carlin on Campus". Documentary, Comedy, 1984.

  1827 Copy quote

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• All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.

  Charles M. Schulz

  Love, Valentines Day, Witty

  268 Copy quote
• 

  Facebook just sounds like a drag, in my day seeing pictures of peoples vacations was considered a punishment

  Betty White

  Jealousy, Humorous, Vacation

  74 Copy quote

• The road to success is always under construction.

  Lily Tomlin

  Inspiring, Success, Congratulations

  180 Copy quote

• Politics: Poli a Latin word meaning many and tics meaning bloodsucking creatures.

  Robin Williams

  Latin, Humor, Political

  144 Copy quote
• 

  Life is hard; it's harder if you're stupid.

  John Wayne

  Life, Leadership, Badass

  378 Copy quote

• Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

  Jay Leno

  Money, Epic, Winning

  176 Copy quote

• If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

  George Carlin

  Inspirational, Witty, Trying

  155 Copy quote