Charles Dickens Funny Quotes

• A day wasted on others is not wasted on one's self.

  Charles Dickens

  Love, Funny, Family

• If there were no bad people, there would be no good lawyers.

  Charles Dickens

  Funny, Law, People

  Charles Dickens (1848). “The Old Curiosity Shop ... With a Frontispiece. From a Painting by Geo. Cattermole, Etc”, p.255

• Happy, happy Christmas, that can win us back to the delusions of our childhood days, recall to the old man the pleasures of his youth, and transport the traveler back to his own fireside and quiet home!

  Charles Dickens

  Funny, Christmas, Xmas

  "The Pickwick Papers". Book by Charles Dickens, 1836.

• He appeared to enjoy beyond everything the sound of his own voice. I couldn't wonder at that, for it was mellow and full and gave great importance to every word he uttered. He listened to himself with obvious satisfaction and sometimes gently beat time to his own music with his head or rounded a sentence with his hand.

  Charles Dickens

  Funny, Humorous, Hands

  Charles Dickens (1853). “Bleak House”, p.15

• He would make a lovely corpse.

  Charles Dickens

  Funny, Death, Witty

  Martin Chuzzlewit ch. 25 (1844)

• Although a skillful flatterer is a most delightful companion if you have him all to yourself, his taste becomes very doubtful when he takes to complimenting other people.

  Charles Dickens

  Funny, People, Literature

  Charles Dickens (1872). “A Cyclopedia of the Best Thoughts of Charles Dickens”, p.197

• Any man may be in good spirits and good temper when he's well dressed. There ain't much credit in that.

  Charles Dickens

  Funny, Humorous, Men

  'Martin Chuzzlewit' (1844) ch. 5 (Mark Tapley)

• I have made up my mind that I must have money, Pa. I feel that I can't beg it, borrow it, or steal it; and so I have resolved that I must marry it.

  Charles Dickens

  Funny, Humorous, Mind

  Charles Dickens (1868). “The Works of Charles Dickens ...”, p.435

• Mr. Bazzard's father, being a Norfolk farmer, would have furiously laid about him with a flail, a pitch-fork, and every agricultural implement available for assaulting purposes, on the slightest hint of his son's having written a play.

  Charles Dickens

  Funny, Father, Humorous

  Charles Dickens (2009). “The Complete Works of Charles Dickens: Edwin Drood and Miscellaneous”, p.207, Cosimo, Inc.

• Mr. and Mrs. Boffin sat staring at mid-air, and Mrs. Wilfer sat silently giving them to understand that every breath she drew required to be drawn with a self-denial rarely paralleled in history.

  Charles Dickens

  Funny, Humorous, Air

  Charles Dickens (1868). “Charles Dickens's works. Charles Dickens ed. [18 vols. of a 21 vol. set. Wanting A child's history of England; Christmas stories; The mystery of Edwin Drood].”, p.69

• Out upon merry Christmas! What's Christmas time to you but a time for paying bills without money; a time for finding yourself a year older, but not an hour richer...? If I could work my will," said Scrooge indignantly, "every idiot who goes about with 'Merry Christmas' upon his lips should be boiled with his won pudding, and buried with a stake of holly through his heart. He should!

  Charles Dickens

  Funny, Christmas, Heart

  "A Christmas Carol". Book by Charles Dickens, 1843.

• "Why, I don't exactly know about perjury, my dear sir," replied the little gentleman. "Harsh word, my dear sir, very harsh word indeed. It's a legal fiction, my dear sir, nothing more."

  Charles Dickens

  Funny, Humorous, Gentleman

  Charles Dickens (1905). “The Pickwick Papers”, p.541

• Accidents will occur in the best regulated families.

  Charles Dickens

  Funny, Family, Words Of Wisdom

  David Copperfield ch. 28 (1850). The Oxford Dictionary of Proverbs cites Peter Atall, Hermit in America (1819): "Accidents will happen in the best regulated families." See Robert Burns 3; Disraeli 7; Modern Proverbs 102; Orwell 17; Plautus 3; Proverbs 2; Sayings 25

• ... I had a latent impression that there was something decidedly fine in Mr. Wopsle's elocution - not for old associations' sake, I am afraid, but because it was very slow, very dreary, very up-hill and down-hill, and very unlike any way in which any man in any natural circumstances of life or death ever expressed himself about anything.

  Charles Dickens

  Funny, Humorous, Men

  Charles Dickens (2017). “THE GREATEST DICKENS CLASSICS (Illustrated Edition): Oliver Twist, The Pickwick Papers, Great Expectations, A Tale of Two Cities, Hard Times, David Copperfield, A Christmas Carol, Bleak House, Little Dorrit, Our Mutual Friend, The Life of Dickens”, p.239, e-artnow

• Dombey sat in the corner of the darkened room in the great arm-chair by the bedside, and Son lay tucked up warm in a little basket bedstead, carefully disposed on a low settee immediately in front of the fire and close to it, as if his constitution were analogous to that of a muffin, and it was essential to toast him brown while he was very new.

  Charles Dickens

  Funny, Humorous, Son

  Charles Dickens (2016). “Dombey and Son”, p.5, Xist Publishing

• But Rosa soon made the discovery that Miss Twinkleton didn't read fairly. She cut the love-scenes, interpolated passages in praise of female celibacy, and was guilty of other glaring pious frauds.

  Charles Dickens

  Funny, Humorous, Cutting

  Charles Dickens (1871). “The Mystery of Edwin Drood and Other Pieces”, p.143

• In particular, there was a butler in a blue coat and bright buttons, who gave quite a winey flavour to the table beer; he poured it out so superbly.

  Charles Dickens

  Funny, Humorous, Beer

  Charles Dickens (1867). “Charles Dickens's works. Charles Dickens ed. [18 vols. of a 21 vol. set. Wanting A child's history of England; Christmas stories; The mystery of Edwin Drood].”, p.98

• "Peggotty!" repeated Miss Betsey, with some indignation. "Do you mean to say, child, that any human being has gone into a Christian church, and got herself named Peggotty?"

  Charles Dickens

  Funny, Christian, Children

  Charles Dickens (1867). “Charles Dickens's works. Charles Dickens ed. [18 vols. of a 21 vol. set. Wanting A child's history of England; Christmas stories; The mystery of Edwin Drood].”, p.4

• A man can well afford to be as bold as brass, my good fellow, when he gets gold in exchange!

  Charles Dickens

  Funny, Humorous, Men

  Charles Dickens (1844). “The Life and Adventures of Martin Chuzzlewit”, p.335, Chapman and Hall

• "I go so far as to say, miss, morehover," proceeded Mr. Cruncher, with a most alarming tendency to hold forth as from a pulpit-"and let my words be took down and took to Mrs. Cruncher through yourself-that wot my opinions respectin' flopping has undergone a change, and that wot I only hope with all my heart as Mrs. Cruncher may be a flopping at the present time."

  Charles Dickens

  Funny, Humorous, Heart

  Charles Dickens (2010). “A Tale of Two Cities and Great Expectations (Oprah's Book Club): Two Novels”, p.296, Penguin

• "Well," said my aunt, "this is his boy - his son. He would be as like his father as it's possible to be, if he was not so like his mother, too."

  Charles Dickens

  Funny, Mother, Father

  Charles Dickens (1872). “The Works of Charles Dickens”, p.87

• Mrs. Boffin, insisting that Bella should make tomorrow's expedition in the chariot, she went home in great grandeur. Mrs. Wilfer and Miss Lavinia had speculated much on the probabilities and improbabilities of her coming in this gorgeous state, and, on beholding the chariot from the window at which they were secreted to look out for it, agreed that it must be detained at the door as long as possible, for the mortification and confusion of the neighbours.

  Charles Dickens

  Funny, Humorous, Home

  Charles Dickens (2006). “Our Mutual Friend: Easyread Edition”, p.26, ReadHowYouWant.com

• The Secretary, working in the Dismal Swamp betimes next morning, was informed that a youth waited in the hall who gave the name of Sloppy. The footman who communicated this intelligence made a decent pause before uttering the name, to express that it was forced on his reluctance by the youth in question, and that if the youth had had the good sense and good taste to inherit some other name it would have spared the feelings of him the bearer.

  Charles Dickens

  Funny, Morning, Humorous

  Charles Dickens (1865). “Our Mutual Friend”, p.246

• There is no such passion in human nature, as the passion for gravy among commercial gentlemen.

  Charles Dickens

  Funny, Humorous, Passion

  Charles Dickens (1850). “The life and adventures of Martin Chuzzlewit: With a frontispiece, from a drawing by Frank Stone”, p.82

• " ... It is not my desire to wound the feelings of any person with whom I am connected in family bonds. I may be a hypocrite," said Mr. Pecksniff, cuttingly, "but I am not a brute."

  Charles Dickens

  Funny, Humorous, Hypocrite

  Charles Dickens (1867). “The Life and Adventures of Martin Chuzzlewit”, p.75

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