Protected page

Caffeine

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Bouncywikilogo.gif
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Caffeine.
Kid1.gif
JUSTCALMDOWN!
Thispageneedstocalmthefuckdown,now!
JUSTCALMDOWN!
Thispageneedstocalmthefuckdown,now!
Thisishowacaffeinemolecule looksofcourseitdoesn'tactually looklikethatthisisjustadiagram ofhowthemoleculeisstructured inreallifeitlookslikeawhite powderunlessitsdissolvedin coffeeorsomething.
Thisishowacaffeinemolecule looksofcourseitdoesn'tactually looklikethatthisisjustadiagram ofhowthemoleculeisstructured inreallifeitlookslikeawhite powderunlessitsdissolvedin coffeeorsomething.
Caffeineisa chemical whichmakesyoureallyhyperandexcitedandgivesyoulotsofenergy andstuff. It'sfoundincoffee andchocolateandbawlsandenergydrinks. Idrinkthosethingsallthetimeanditmakesmefeelreallyhyperandexcitedandstuff.
Caffeineisa chemical whichmakesyoureallyhyperandexcitedandgivesyoulotsofenergy andstuff. It'sfoundincoffee andchocolateandbawlsandenergydrinks. Idrinkthosethingsallthetimeanditmakesmefeelreallyhyperandexcitedandstuff.
PeoplesayIhavetoomuchcaffeinebutthey'retotallywrong;Ionlydrinklikefifteengallonsofcoffeeadayforchristssake. ThatsnotalotyouknowwhatImean?
PeoplesayIhavetoomuchcaffeinebutthey'retotallywrong;Ionlydrinklikefifteengallonsofcoffeeadayforchristssake. ThatsnotalotyouknowwhatImean?

WhereCaffeinecanbefound
WhereCaffeinecanbefound

Theyputcaffeine inthewaterthat makethewatercoffeeohmygodfdg
Theyputcaffeine inthewaterthat makethewatercoffeeohmygodfdg
CaffeineisfoundinallsortsofplacesitsincoffeewhichIdrinkalotandinchocolateandFooshmintsandcoffee.
CaffeineisfoundinallsortsofplacesitsincoffeewhichIdrinkalotandinchocolateandFooshmintsandcoffee.
IreallylikedrinkingcoffeeittastesgoodanditgivesmeabuzzanditkeepsmefromfallingasleepwhenIminthemiddleofsomething.
IreallylikedrinkingcoffeeittastesgoodanditgivesmeabuzzanditkeepsmefromfallingasleepwhenIminthemiddleofsomething.
OnetimeIdrankfiftysixcupsofcoffeeandeverythingwasmovingreallyslowlylikeIwasinTheMatrix.
OnetimeIdrankfiftysixcupsofcoffeeandeverythingwasmovingreallyslowlylikeIwasinTheMatrix.
CaffeineisalsofoundincaffeinepillswhicharepillsofpurecaffeinethosereallygiveyouaboostIdonteventakethemoneatatimeItake themonebottleatatimewheneverImfeelingnormalIjustpopdownafewcasesofcaffeinepillsanditgoesaway.
CaffeineisalsofoundincaffeinepillswhicharepillsofpurecaffeinethosereallygiveyouaboostIdonteventakethemoneatatimeItake themonebottleatatimewheneverImfeelingnormalIjustpopdownafewcasesofcaffeinepillsanditgoesaway.
SomepeopleliketheircoffeewithmilkandsugarIlikethesugarsometimesbutthemilkjusttakesuproomthat couldbefilledwithextracaffeine.
SomepeopleliketheircoffeewithmilkandsugarIlikethesugarsometimesbutthemilkjusttakesuproomthat couldbefilledwithextracaffeine.
Ilikeeatingdoughnutstoowithmycoffeedoughnutsarereallygoodwithcoffeeyoucandunkthemandeatthemthenhavemorecoffeeand moredoughnuts.
Ilikeeatingdoughnutstoowithmycoffeedoughnutsarereallygoodwithcoffeeyoucandunkthemandeatthemthenhavemorecoffeeand moredoughnuts.
roflroflroflroflroflroflrofln00bFooshmintsarethesemintsthathavecaffeineinthemtheyaregoodbecausetheyhavethesameamountofcaffeineasacupofcoffeebuttheymakeyourbreathsmellnice
roflroflroflroflroflroflrofln00bFooshmintsarethesemintsthathavecaffeineinthemtheyaregoodbecausetheyhavethesameamountofcaffeineasacupofcoffeebuttheymakeyourbreathsmellnice
unlikecoffeewhichmakesitsmellbadmybreathsmellsbadfromcoffeealotbecauseIdrinkmorethan mostpeoplebutthenIjusttakesomeFooshmintsandmybreathsmellsniceagain.
unlikecoffeewhichmakesitsmellbadmybreathsmellsbadfromcoffeealotbecauseIdrinkmorethan mostpeoplebutthenIjusttakesomeFooshmintsandmybreathsmellsniceagain.
Caffeineismadeofamixtureofcalciumflourideironiodideandneon.
Caffeineismadeofamixtureofcalciumflourideironiodideandneon.

UsesofCaffeine
UsesofCaffeine

Itriedtomakea drawingbutmyhandwas goingallovertheplaceso Icouldn'tyouknow whatImean?
Itriedtomakea drawingbutmyhandwas goingallovertheplaceso Icouldn'tyouknow whatImean?
Caffeineisusedtokeepyouupandkeepyoufrom fallingasleepitcertainlyworksformeInevergotosleepIhaven'tsleptforlikethreeyearsit'stooboring you
Caffeineisusedtokeepyouupandkeepyoufrom fallingasleepitcertainlyworksformeInevergotosleepIhaven'tsleptforlikethreeyearsit'stooboring you
justlaythereanddonothingyouknowwhatImean?Istarteddrinkinglotsoofcoffeeincollegebecauseineededtostayuplate
justlaythereanddonothingyouknowwhatImean?Istarteddrinkinglotsoofcoffeeincollegebecauseineededtostayuplate
tofinishhomeworkbutitwaskindahardtoreadbecausethewordskeptmovingalloverthepageitwasreallyannoyingIthoughtitwas becauseIwasgettingtiredsoIhadmore
tofinishhomeworkbutitwaskindahardtoreadbecausethewordskeptmovingalloverthepageitwasreallyannoyingIthoughtitwas becauseIwasgettingtiredsoIhadmore
caffeineandIpassedoutthenwhenIwokeupmyroommatewasalllike "Dudeyoudrankwaytoomuchcoffee."onlyhesaiditreallyslowlylike "Dude, you drank way too much coffee."
caffeineandIpassedoutthenwhenIwokeupmyroommatewasalllike "Dudeyoudrankwaytoomuchcoffee."onlyhesaiditreallyslowlylike "Dude, you drank way too much coffee."
CaffeineisalsousefulAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!! whenyou'replayinggamesbecauseyoucanbereallyalertand
CaffeineisalsousefulAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!! whenyou'replayinggamesbecauseyoucanbereallyalertand
fastandyouplaybetterespeciallybecauseyou'reprobablyplayingatnightwhenmostpeopleareasleepsoyouhavetohave
fastandyouplaybetterespeciallybecauseyou'reprobablyplayingatnightwhenmostpeopleareasleepsoyouhavetohave
calmingeffectsofcaffeinearesmonsterifficwiththecaffeieneatingkittenswhilehuffingtheoneswithorangecoatsmakinggocrazy
calmingeffectsofcaffeinearesmonsterifficwiththecaffeieneatingkittenswhilehuffingtheoneswithorangecoatsmakinggocrazy
likethecaffeinewiththecaffeinetostayawakethismakesitreallypopularamonggamerswhoconsumeitinlargeammountsbuttheydefinitelydon'tuseitasmuchasIdo.
likethecaffeinewiththecaffeinetostayawakethismakesitreallypopularamonggamerswhoconsumeitinlargeammountsbuttheydefinitelydon'tuseitasmuchasIdo.
CaffeineundvideogamesTOTHECLOUD!!!Idon'tuseitforgamingmostofthetimethough
CaffeineundvideogamesTOTHECLOUD!!!Idon'tuseitforgamingmostofthetimethough
IjusttakeitbecauseitmakesmealwhackedupitslikeadruglikekittensonlyitswaybetteryouknowwhatImean?
IjusttakeitbecauseitmakesmealwhackedupitslikeadruglikekittensonlyitswaybetteryouknowwhatImean?


Cappucino
Cappucino

Cappucinoisagreatdrink(atleastsometypesofitaregreat)andisveryusefulwhenyourmamma
Cappucinoisagreatdrink(atleastsometypesofitaregreat)andisveryusefulwhenyourmamma
says"Youcan'tdrinkcoffeeyou'retooyoungandwon'tbeabletosleeptonightifyouconsumetoomuchcaffeine"
says"Youcan'tdrinkcoffeeyou'retooyoungandwon'tbeabletosleeptonightifyouconsumetoomuchcaffeine"
andyoucanjustbuyacappucinoandpretendit'sahotchocolatebecauseitkindalookssimilaryouknowwhatImean?
andyoucanjustbuyacappucinoandpretendit'sahotchocolatebecauseitkindalookssimilaryouknowwhatImean?
Let'stakealookatsomeofthepopularandnotsopopulartypesofcappucinoshallwe?
Let'stakealookatsomeofthepopularandnotsopopulartypesofcappucinoshallwe?


TypesofCappucino
TypesofCappucino

  • Cappucino:themostpopulartypeofcappucinoandthereforethebestgettheidea?
    Cappucino:themostpopulartypeofcappucinoandthereforethebestgettheidea?
  • Frapacino:anicedbeveragethatidonotpreferbecauseofthelakeofcoffeitsmostlymadefromice,whippedcream,andsomeotherstuffsthatsnotcoffee.
    Frapacino:anicedbeveragethatidonotpreferbecauseofthelakeofcoffeitsmostlymadefromice,whippedcream,andsomeotherstuffsthatsnotcoffee.
  • Moccacino:thesecondmostpopulartypeofcappucinoandIhateitbecauseitgotinventedbysomeAustralianterroristplanningtotakeovertheworld.
    Moccacino:thesecondmostpopulartypeofcappucinoandIhateitbecauseitgotinventedbysomeAustralianterroristplanningtotakeovertheworld.
  • Megaccino:likecappucinobutevenbettercauseit'sbiggergettheidea?
    Megaccino:likecappucinobutevenbettercauseit'sbiggergettheidea?
  • Muggaccino:analternativespellingofmegaccinobutmorestraightforwardyouknowwhatImean?
    Muggaccino:analternativespellingofmegaccinobutmorestraightforwardyouknowwhatImean?
  • Catpoocino:someweirdtypeofcoffeeinwhichthenutsarefirstdigestedbyawildcatbeforebeingprocessed. Itrieditbutitwassodisgustingespeciallythecolourandflavouranditdidn'tmakemefeelasgoodasI'dexpecteditwouldDAMMIT!
    Catpoocino:someweirdtypeofcoffeeinwhichthenutsarefirstdigestedbyawildcatbeforebeingprocessed. Itrieditbutitwassodisgustingespeciallythecolourandflavouranditdidn'tmakemefeelasgoodasI'dexpecteditwouldDAMMIT!
  • Flametreecino:thiswasinventedbysomeotherhypoAustralianandismadeoutofthegroundseedsofBrachychitonacerifoliumwhichmeansitisnotarealcappucino. IhatethisonetoobecauseapparentlyitCONTAINSNOCAFFEINEATALL.
    Flametreecino:thiswasinventedbysomeotherhypoAustralianandismadeoutofthegroundseedsofBrachychitonacerifoliumwhichmeansitisnotarealcappucino. IhatethisonetoobecauseapparentlyitCONTAINSNOCAFFEINEATALL.
  • Broccocino:apositivelyweirdtypeofcappucinomadebackinthedarkagesforsuperrichkingsandqueensandit'smadeofamixtureofcappucinoandbroccolidisgustingeh? TheyreckonitcausedJulanoMobileatoinventtheRubbisch languagebutIknowbetterthantobelievethemhehheh!
    Broccocino:apositivelyweirdtypeofcappucinomadebackinthedarkagesforsuperrichkingsandqueensandit'smadeofamixtureofcappucinoandbroccolidisgustingeh? TheyreckonitcausedJulanoMobileatoinventtheRubbisch languagebutIknowbetterthantobelievethemhehheh!
  • Kylesmomaccino:bestservedwithwhippedcreamandadoubleshotofoohididntknowthiswaspossiblekylesmom!!
    Kylesmomaccino:bestservedwithwhippedcreamandadoubleshotofoohididntknowthiswaspossiblekylesmom!!


EffectsofCaffeine
EffectsofCaffeine

ScientistssaythatcaffeineisadrugbecauseitisnotafoodanditeffectsthewaythebrainworksI'veneverhadanydrugsbesidescaffeinesoIwouldn'tknow. CaffeinereallymakesmeallweirdandcrazyIguessthatstheeffectithasonthebrainbecausewheneverIhaveliketwoboxesofcaffeinepillsIgetatonofenergyandIgetallhyperandstuffyouknowwhatImean? butmostofthetimeitjustgetsmereallyhyperandenergeticandhappyandcontenttodothiungslikewhateverimdoingbutmakesimorefunandinterestingandholycrapidontknowwhereiputmykeysohyeahIfound themlyingnearmybedCaffeineusedtobereallyeffectiveIcouldjusthavefiveorsixcupsandIwouldgetallhyperandexcitedandstuffbutnowcaffeineisnotsoexcitinganymoreIhavetohavelotsofittogetabuzz IguessthatsbecauseIgotusedtoitovertimelikesomescientistssaythatIfyoutakeadrugalotyougetusedtoitsoyouhavetotakemoreotherwiseitwon'thaveaneffect. Speakingofscientistssomeofthemdidanexpirimentonspiderswheretheygavethemsomecaffeineandlookedattheirwebsandtheywereallfuckedupitwaslikethemormalspiderswebwasallcondensed andneatandthenthecaffeinatedspiderwebwasgoingallovertheplaceitwaslikeFewoo! Fewee!Fwoosh!youknowwhatImean? SometimesifIhaveenoughcaffeineIgetlikethatI'malllikeFewoo! Fewee!Fwoosh!andI'mgoingallovertheplaceyouknowwhatImean?
ScientistssaythatcaffeineisadrugbecauseitisnotafoodanditeffectsthewaythebrainworksI'veneverhadanydrugsbesidescaffeinesoIwouldn'tknow. CaffeinereallymakesmeallweirdandcrazyIguessthatstheeffectithasonthebrainbecausewheneverIhaveliketwoboxesofcaffeinepillsIgetatonofenergyandIgetallhyperandstuffyouknowwhatImean? butmostofthetimeitjustgetsmereallyhyperandenergeticandhappyandcontenttodothiungslikewhateverimdoingbutmakesimorefunandinterestingandholycrapidontknowwhereiputmykeysohyeahIfound themlyingnearmybedCaffeineusedtobereallyeffectiveIcouldjusthavefiveorsixcupsandIwouldgetallhyperandexcitedandstuffbutnowcaffeineisnotsoexcitinganymoreIhavetohavelotsofittogetabuzz IguessthatsbecauseIgotusedtoitovertimelikesomescientistssaythatIfyoutakeadrugalotyougetusedtoitsoyouhavetotakemoreotherwiseitwon'thaveaneffect. Speakingofscientistssomeofthemdidanexpirimentonspiderswheretheygavethemsomecaffeineandlookedattheirwebsandtheywereallfuckedupitwaslikethemormalspiderswebwasallcondensed andneatandthenthecaffeinatedspiderwebwasgoingallovertheplaceitwaslikeFewoo! Fewee!Fwoosh!youknowwhatImean? SometimesifIhaveenoughcaffeineIgetlikethatI'malllikeFewoo! Fewee!Fwoosh!andI'mgoingallovertheplaceyouknowwhatImean?

Overuse
Overuse

Overuseofcaffeinecanmakeyouimpatentandyoucanneverhavesexwithawoman.butifyoudrinkthatmuchcaffeineyouwillprobablyneverhavesexanyway. Youwillalsohavecaffeinebabiestheequivalenttocrackbabies.
Overuseofcaffeinecanmakeyouimpatentandyoucanneverhavesexwithawoman.butifyoudrinkthatmuchcaffeineyouwillprobablyneverhavesexanyway. Youwillalsohavecaffeinebabiestheequivalenttocrackbabies.

AlternativestoCaffeine
AlternativestoCaffeine

SomepeoplesaythatcaffeineisbadforyoubecauseitmakesyourheartgoreallyfastandsoundlikeamachinegunbutIdon'tknowanythingaboutthatI'vebeenoncaffeineforthepastfifteenyearsnow soIdon'tthinkitsreallythatbadbutmaybeitisandiwilldieanearlydeath. Ifyouthinkcaffeinemightbebadforyouthereareseveralalternativestoitthatmakeyouallexcitedandstuffimgoingtotellthemtoyou nowsoyoubetterlistenbecauseaparentlyItalkreallyfastIdon'tthinkIdobuteveryoneImeetsaysthatsoIguesIdoanywayheregoes:
  1. Adrenaline -Adrenalineisgreatyoucanfinditinhospitalsbecausetheyuseitforpeoplewhoseheartsstopbeatingsoifyouraidahospitalyoucangetsomeandinjectacoupledozendoses inI'vehadadrenalinebeforeitwasreallygreatalmostasgoodascaffeinebutitwassohardtogetIthinkiwouldprefercoffee.
  2. Sugar -OndayswhenIhavetwicetheammountofcoffeeInormallydopeopleatworkaskmeifI'vebeeneatingthesugaroutofthesugarbowlofcourseineverdothatIjustdrinkcoffeebutIguesssome peopleliketodothatbecauseittastesgoodtheonlyproblemisittakesalotofsugartogiveyouabuzzanditwearsoffprettyquickly.
  3. Cocaine -Aparentlycocaineisillegalbecausepeoplegetaddictedtoitanditkillspeoplebutitdidn'treallyhaveamajoreffectonmebecauseitookitduringamajorcaffeinehighsonothingreally happenedthatInoticedifyouwanttouseititsprobablymoreharmfulthancaffeineanditcostsahellofalotofmoneybutwhateveryouknowwhatImean?
  4. Taurine-It'slikecaffeineoncocaineormaybemorelikecocaineoncaffeinewhichiskindofironicwhenyouthinkaboutitbuttheystickitinRedBullhencethenameandittasteslikesourgymsocksbut
    DAMNitgetsyougoinginthemorningIoncedrankacanoftaurineandaced4finalexamsinonedaywithoutstudyingforthembecausetaurinemakesyouSMARTandsometimesyoumixitwith
    inositolandglucoseandmethandyougoINSANEliketotatllybatfuckinsaneWAHAHAHAHAHoooooooooooWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEI'mafiremanIalwayswantedtobeafiremanand
    arobotninjakaratepolicemanastronautwhofightscrimeandsavespeoplebutrightnowIhavetogotoworkanddostuffbecausemybossisgettingharassedbyhissuperiorssoweallhavetowork
    overtimewhichiswhyIdrankallthisfreakingRedBullinthefirstplace!
  5. Speed-Amphetaminesofvarioussortsarelikesuperiorcaffeineinthattheyhavesimilarorbettereffectswithoutthehearttroubleandthestomachtroubleandwithspeedyoudon'tworryaboutnot

sleepingyoujustdon'tsleepuntilyoudoandthenboydoyousleepandbesidesthere'sabunchofamphetaminesthatworkfastorslowandlastalongtimeorgiveyouabigrushallatoncebutthe60'srockgroup CannedHeatsaid"speedkills"butdrugsdon'tkillpeoplestoppedheartsandlackofrespirationkillspeopleandBritishpopculturehasbeendependentonamphetaminesfordecadestherewouldbenoWhono modsandforthatmatternoElvisCostellowithoutamphetaminesandyoucan'thavetruckerswithoutlittlewhitepillsSixDaysOnTheRoadandI'mgonnamakeithometonightjustgimmeweedwhitesandwine andI'llbewillingsoyouknowthetimesaresuchthatitdoesn'tmatterthatyou'reparanoidbecausethere'ssomuchmoretobeafraidofthanyouhavetimefor

  1. Crack-onceyou'vetriedcrackthere'snothingelsetodoandnothingelsethatmattersbutthat'sbecauseeverypartofyourbrainexceptthepartthatlikescrackandthepartthatmakesyoufeelutterlyvile whenyoudon'thavecrackjustDIESandrotsawayleavingbighollowechoeyplaceswherethewindwhispersCrackCrackCrack
  2. Electricity-BetweendeadandwelldoneisaplacewhereeverythinghappensatonceandtimestopsandyouareSOFASTunfortunatelyithurtslikeeverycellwenttoitsownhellanditsareallyhardlighttowalktowards
  3. GET SOME SLEEP-

fuckofficantdothatshitigottogetupintimesoicanmakemycoffeeinthemorningandthensnortsomecaffeinethengotostarbuckstogetmorecoffeeandthengotoworkandmakemorecoffeeandthenihavetodoworkandthenigobacktothecoffeemachinethenigobackandforthallday andthenigohomeafterimakecoffeeonemoretimethenstopatstarbuckstogetmorethengethometomakemoreandthenicantsleepsoigetmorecoffeeandthenistillcantsleepsoiinhalesomepowderedcaffeinetohelpmesleepandthen ITS ALREADY TIME TO GO TO WORK SHIT

CAFFEINEINHIGHQUANTITIESCAUSESMYFRIENDSTOTELLMETHENEXTMORNINGABOUTALLTHESEWEIRDSOUNDSIWASMAKINGBUTIDONTREMEMBERTHATPARTTHEYALSOVIDEOTAPED MEHAVINGASEIZURE BUTIDELETEDITCAUSEIWASALLLIKEGASHASHASHASHAYOUKNOWWHATIMEAN?ITSCAREDMEIWASALLLIKEHOLYCRAPYOUKNOWWHATIMEAN?
SomepeoplesaythatcaffeineisbadforyoubecauseitmakesyourheartgoreallyfastandsoundlikeamachinegunbutIdon'tknowanythingaboutthatI'vebeenoncaffeineforthepastfifteenyearsnow soIdon'tthinkitsreallythatbadbutmaybeitisandiwilldieanearlydeath. Ifyouthinkcaffeinemightbebadforyouthereareseveralalternativestoitthatmakeyouallexcitedandstuffimgoingtotellthemtoyou nowsoyoubetterlistenbecauseaparentlyItalkreallyfastIdon'tthinkIdobuteveryoneImeetsaysthatsoIguesIdoanywayheregoes:
  1. Adrenaline -Adrenalineisgreatyoucanfinditinhospitalsbecausetheyuseitforpeoplewhoseheartsstopbeatingsoifyouraidahospitalyoucangetsomeandinjectacoupledozendoses inI'vehadadrenalinebeforeitwasreallygreatalmostasgoodascaffeinebutitwassohardtogetIthinkiwouldprefercoffee.
  2. Sugar -OndayswhenIhavetwicetheammountofcoffeeInormallydopeopleatworkaskmeifI'vebeeneatingthesugaroutofthesugarbowlofcourseineverdothatIjustdrinkcoffeebutIguesssome peopleliketodothatbecauseittastesgoodtheonlyproblemisittakesalotofsugartogiveyouabuzzanditwearsoffprettyquickly.
  3. Cocaine -Aparentlycocaineisillegalbecausepeoplegetaddictedtoitanditkillspeoplebutitdidn'treallyhaveamajoreffectonmebecauseitookitduringamajorcaffeinehighsonothingreally happenedthatInoticedifyouwanttouseititsprobablymoreharmfulthancaffeineanditcostsahellofalotofmoneybutwhateveryouknowwhatImean?
  4. Taurine-It'slikecaffeineoncocaineormaybemorelikecocaineoncaffeinewhichiskindofironicwhenyouthinkaboutitbuttheystickitinRedBullhencethenameandittasteslikesourgymsocksbut
    DAMNitgetsyougoinginthemorningIoncedrankacanoftaurineandaced4finalexamsinonedaywithoutstudyingforthembecausetaurinemakesyouSMARTandsometimesyoumixitwith
    inositolandglucoseandmethandyougoINSANEliketotatllybatfuckinsaneWAHAHAHAHAHoooooooooooWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEI'mafiremanIalwayswantedtobeafiremanand
    arobotninjakaratepolicemanastronautwhofightscrimeandsavespeoplebutrightnowIhavetogotoworkanddostuffbecausemybossisgettingharassedbyhissuperiorssoweallhavetowork
    overtimewhichiswhyIdrankallthisfreakingRedBullinthefirstplace!
  5. Speed-Amphetaminesofvarioussortsarelikesuperiorcaffeineinthattheyhavesimilarorbettereffectswithoutthehearttroubleandthestomachtroubleandwithspeedyoudon'tworryaboutnot

sleepingyoujustdon'tsleepuntilyoudoandthenboydoyousleepandbesidesthere'sabunchofamphetaminesthatworkfastorslowandlastalongtimeorgiveyouabigrushallatoncebutthe60'srockgroup CannedHeatsaid"speedkills"butdrugsdon'tkillpeoplestoppedheartsandlackofrespirationkillspeopleandBritishpopculturehasbeendependentonamphetaminesfordecadestherewouldbenoWhono modsandforthatmatternoElvisCostellowithoutamphetaminesandyoucan'thavetruckerswithoutlittlewhitepillsSixDaysOnTheRoadandI'mgonnamakeithometonightjustgimmeweedwhitesandwine andI'llbewillingsoyouknowthetimesaresuchthatitdoesn'tmatterthatyou'reparanoidbecausethere'ssomuchmoretobeafraidofthanyouhavetimefor

  1. Crack-onceyou'vetriedcrackthere'snothingelsetodoandnothingelsethatmattersbutthat'sbecauseeverypartofyourbrainexceptthepartthatlikescrackandthepartthatmakesyoufeelutterlyvile whenyoudon'thavecrackjustDIESandrotsawayleavingbighollowechoeyplaceswherethewindwhispersCrackCrackCrack
  2. Electricity-BetweendeadandwelldoneisaplacewhereeverythinghappensatonceandtimestopsandyouareSOFASTunfortunatelyithurtslikeeverycellwenttoitsownhellanditsareallyhardlighttowalktowards
  3. GET SOME SLEEP-

fuckofficantdothatshitigottogetupintimesoicanmakemycoffeeinthemorningandthensnortsomecaffeinethengotostarbuckstogetmorecoffeeandthengotoworkandmakemorecoffeeandthenihavetodoworkandthenigobacktothecoffeemachinethenigobackandforthallday andthenigohomeafterimakecoffeeonemoretimethenstopatstarbuckstogetmorethengethometomakemoreandthenicantsleepsoigetmorecoffeeandthenistillcantsleepsoiinhalesomepowderedcaffeinetohelpmesleepandthen ITS ALREADY TIME TO GO TO WORK SHIT

CAFFEINEINHIGHQUANTITIESCAUSESMYFRIENDSTOTELLMETHENEXTMORNINGABOUTALLTHESEWEIRDSOUNDSIWASMAKINGBUTIDONTREMEMBERTHATPARTTHEYALSOVIDEOTAPED MEHAVINGASEIZURE BUTIDELETEDITCAUSEIWASALLLIKEGASHASHASHASHAYOUKNOWWHATIMEAN?ITSCAREDMEIWASALLLIKEHOLYCRAPYOUKNOWWHATIMEAN?

Inshort
Inshort

SoyeahIguesswhatI'mtryingtosayisthemorecaffeinethebetteryouknowwhatImean? Butsometimes the coffee high can wear down and you start to feel normal ttthhheeennn yyyooouuu gggeeettt rrreeeaaalll sssllleeepppyyy until you drink more coffee.
SoyeahIguesswhatI'mtryingtosayisthemorecaffeinethebetteryouknowwhatImean? Butsometimes the coffee high can wear down and you start to feel normal ttthhheeennn yyyooouuu gggeeettt rrreeeaaalll sssllleeepppyyy until you drink more coffee.

Conclusion

Whew. That's better. Hm. I feel sort of lethargic. Could you please pass the caffeine?


Health Alert: Reading This Page May Cause Instant Death. However, since this warning is at the bottom of the page, you're likely already dead.

Mommy's medicine cabinet.jpg
Mommy's Medicine Cabinet

Aspirin • Caffeine • Chantix • Cheerios • Cocaine • Codeine • Coffee • Crack • Crack Corn • Corn Syrup • Ecstasy • Dexedrine • Gluten • Haoma • HeadOn • Heroin • Jesus Juice • Kittens • Laudium • LSD • Magic mushrooms • Marijuana • MDMA • Medicine • Meth • Opium • Prozac • Ritalin • Side effects • Soma • Tylenol • Walgreens • Xanax • Viagra • The World's Most Powerful Drug

Potatohead aqua.png
Featured Article (read another featured article)
Featured version: 31 May 2021
This article has been featured on the front page. You can vote for or nominate your favourite articles at Uncyclopedia:VFH.Template:FA/31 May 2021Template:FA/2021Template:FQ/31 May 2021Template:FQ/2021
Retrieved from "https://en.uncyclopedia.co/w/index.php?title=Caffeine&oldid=6206166"