User talk:Under user/Archive 32
Naked Gun 2.5[edit]
<youtube>5TDG4Sax5cE</youtube> ~ 21:34, November 30, 2010 (UTC)
Greetings.[edit]
Have some compulsory pointless talkpage spam. Also, welcome back. I think I might have missed you. ~ 
- Yeah, I have a tendency to duck when people throw things at me. It wasn't a bad shot though. --UU - natter
09:50, Dec 1
- Aww, you're so adorable! ~
*shifty eyes* (talk) • (stalk) -- 20101201 - 13:47 (UTC)
- Aww, you're so adorable! ~
Don't you love the smell of the UnSignpost in the morning?[edit]
The Newspaper That DOESN'T Think It's Better Than You!
Dec 2nd, 2010 • Issue 97 • STOP! UnSignpost time!
|
UFFL Week 12 Update
 Now that it is so far into the season that everyone not involved with the Uncyclopedia Fantasy Football League, as well as many that are involved, could not possibly care, what better time for an update? After eleven gruelling weeks, it seems that on top is the one and only Doritians, Take II, with an impressive W-L-T of 9-2-0 and a current six-game win-streak. They are also the only team to currently have a clinched playoff spot. For those not aware, the Doritians, Take II are the follow-up to Cheddar's Doritians last year: an Eagles-based team that performed, to put it frankly, shittily. When asked to comment about his surprising victory, Mr. Cheddar claimed, "GET RAPED SON." Elsewhere in the league, there is currently a tight race for 2nd between the Oklahoma Boomers (who are currently in first point-wise and have the season record for highest score in a game with 168.14 points), The DC RacialSlurs, The Dudes, and Lepus Muerte. The real secondary story revolves around league commissioner and possible Nazi-supporter Rosenkrantzenpants. While last year, the German team took the overall victory with quite ease, this year's team is not so magnificent. After many losing streaks and strokes and bad luck, Rosenkrantzenpants has barely been able to pull itself past an even Win-Lose ratio. However, despite a poor record, he maintains 4th place point-wise. The Well-Dressed Pickles again still have yet to win, most likely due to having six of the worst players in the league (two of which are out for the the season) and a refusal to edit the line-up. The Bearasorta Vikings aren't doing much better. Also, you should watch The League on FX. It's a damn funny show. Aristocrat's Update  The Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball rumbles on, and as the closing date looms like a fat man over a large cake, the question on everyone's lips is "What's the Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball?". In case you have recently returned from an Uncyclopedia hiatus or have been hiking through the Amazon Delta wearing nothing but a pair of slippers, I will explain once again: the ATDB is a festival of frivolity and bad taste, highlighting all those fine, fine contributions we never want to see featured. The UnSignpost sat down with competition judge Lyrithya to find out what, if anything, there was to know. "I would like people to stop asking me for help," Lyrithya moaned before our journalist could open his mouth, "Two people have so far already" The UnSignpost infers from this that the competition is truly a desperate one this year; some entrants have clearly been pushed to the limits of their sanity and have begun searching Uncyclopedia's back alleys for writing tips. To round off our interview we asked Lyrithya who she thought would win. "That guy," she said emphatically, indicating a nearby vending machine, "His article is excellent." Whose article she really means shall remain a mystery until the results become known on December 10th. The competition closes for judging this Friday at 00:00 GMT, so if you want to enter, you need to do so soon. The UnSignpost will be there to bring you the results when the judging has happened unless something more exciting happens. Unlikely, but we live in hope. The Grue Army
 For almost a year, most of our classic usergroups remained in pieces. Groups like the Uncyclopedian Forces, the UnAnarchist Party, the UnFire Department, and yes, even the Grue Apocalypse. The economy also dramatically collapsed, with commerce reaching an all-time low. However, one group stands out among all: the Grue Army. After their leader High Gen. Grue went AWOL, the once-proud Grue Army was left belly-up with only 4 of the original members still in. The decision to revive the group was made and Meganew has been seen wearing Patton-esque General's clothing ever since. Some newer users had joined up with the group already, but it wasn't enough to equal a full-scale revival. Therefore, the leaders decided on an unusual plan of action: pick who they thought would be the 10 best candidates for the group. After some of the candidates decided not to join, the plan was expanded to all of the twenty users originally selected. Some have responded and have become active Grue Army members, deep in-the-cave reserve members, and allies. Some people have questioned the need for another group of people who don't do much, but are happy to tell others what to do, as we already have site admins for just such a job. This has been a shameless advertising promotion from the Grue Army, Join Today!!! |
| |||||
| UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox | ||||||
--
haha you were fired retard --Redundantunderuserwithhisslutwifeandretardedchild 10:32, December 4, 2010 (UTC)
- I'm sorry, I never learned to speak fuckwit. I'd ask what you mean, but since I just banned your ass I'll just have to live without that knowledge. I think I'll manage it, somehow... --UU - natter
'Lo UU[edit]
So that Scraggle article. It's really funny. Is Soggy gonna nom it or can I? Oh, I did you see Socky and my untune feature? I finally contributed in a non-pictorial way, YAY! --Dame 09:47, December 9, 2010 (UTC)
- Hey Sonje, good to see you. Congrats on the feature - you'd have got my vote eventually, but work is a bitch right now and I'm just not getting the time I want. Again! As for Scraggle - if you like it, do what you will - iz wiki, to quote someone or other. Sog seems to be busy, and may or may not have forgotten about it. I do think it's about 5 times the article with those images in it though, so thanks again. Now, gotta go before my boss sees me doing something that isn't work! --UU - natter
- Or, to put it another way, I'd love it if someone nommed it, but I never like to ask - unlike some! --UU - natter
- I tend to ask before I nom cause I've nommed a few unfinished articles in the past. I'll nom it soon as I get to a pc, editing on my phone is a nightmare. Good luck dodging your boss. -Dame
12:33, December 9, 2010 (UTC)
- I have NEVER asked to be nominated. Never. How very dare you. Orian57 Talk
13:36 9 December 2010
- There speaks a guilty conscience. --UU - natter
- you ask anyone! I am as humble as I am Talented! Orian57 Talk
- OH!rian! I've missed u! Stop disappearing like that. -Dame
- I just listened to your song -- It's awesome. Though I like Miley. And this is just my latest attempt at returning and claiming my former glory. I don't have the excuse of being busy any more as I am no longer employed. but i have sat down and tonight I shall write something humorous even if I have to drag it out of me kicking and screaming like a bloody foetus. man, that horrible image. Orian57 Talk
- Socky and I have done 2 Miley untunes. He has a terrible Hannah Montana fetish. And I actually wrote a few lines, so improvement all round. If either of u ever feel the urge to do an untune collab lemme know, its lots of fun and I'm on holiday also so I gots lots of time. Glad ur back Orian, its not the same without u! -Dame
- Socky and I have done 2 Miley untunes. He has a terrible Hannah Montana fetish. And I actually wrote a few lines, so improvement all round. If either of u ever feel the urge to do an untune collab lemme know, its lots of fun and I'm on holiday also so I gots lots of time. Glad ur back Orian, its not the same without u! -Dame
- I just listened to your song -- It's awesome. Though I like Miley. And this is just my latest attempt at returning and claiming my former glory. I don't have the excuse of being busy any more as I am no longer employed. but i have sat down and tonight I shall write something humorous even if I have to drag it out of me kicking and screaming like a bloody foetus. man, that horrible image. Orian57 Talk
- OH!rian! I've missed u! Stop disappearing like that. -Dame
- you ask anyone! I am as humble as I am Talented! Orian57 Talk
- There speaks a guilty conscience. --UU - natter
- I tend to ask before I nom cause I've nommed a few unfinished articles in the past. I'll nom it soon as I get to a pc, editing on my phone is a nightmare. Good luck dodging your boss. -Dame
- Or, to put it another way, I'd love it if someone nommed it, but I never like to ask - unlike some! --UU - natter
~ 00:10, 10 December, 2010
~ 07:37, 10 December, 2010
The UnSignpost, now with 25% less saturated fat[edit]
Your #1 source for Cajek ban jokes!
Dec 9th, 2010 • Issue 98 • Is that an UnSignpost in your pocket?
|
The UnSignpost Investigates: VFH
 If you have ever written an article on Uncyclopedia then the chances are you have run the gauntlet of Votes for Highlight at some point, which inevitably means you have experienced the helpful criticism, the less helpful criticism and the downright bizarre criticism. VFH is the most popular voting page on Uncyclopedia, and this week the UnSignpost is taking a closer look at the process that separates the wheat from the chaff, and the awkwardly feminine from the possibly Canadian[citation needed]. VFH has come under fire this week from an outgoing editor and we thought it would be unfair to dismiss his claims without properly investigating them, so we didn't and it was a great fun; we played badminton and then we went bowling. However, when Sycamore complained about recent trends on VFH, we decided to have a look. There is a serious point to be made here, with admins being told at least twice a week that both they and Uncyclopedia suck penises - is VFH not somewhere that should be more carefully regulated to prevent articles that are less than amusing being nominated? Or should users who are presently engaged in nominating idiotic pages for VFH be told to cut it out, or else? Discussions have taken place about scrapping voting altogether and having the admins run things or, as one bright-spark suggested: just get rid of against voting. VFH is not a machine in dire need of repair, however, but for many it does seem to be a flawed system that is entirely to blame for A wizard did it being featured.  As a result of the above, the UnSignpost urges you to do two things: Vote on VFH; it needs your votes to work, as the name might suggest, and try to remember that while cocking about is fun, work is immeasurably more useful. Also, because the lead story this week has been very sombre and serious, we have attached a picture of a dog wearing a hat. Enjoy. Mince Pies, an editorial Hey guys!!! This week I thought I would talk about something which is guaranteed to interest EVERYONE! My favourite food in the world: Mince Pies!!! OMG they are teh brillz0rz! (Internet slang; I'm hip!) I mean they don't even have MINCE in them! What's UP WITH THAT!? Here's how I began to find them totally lolicious and awesome!!!! It all started at last year's Christmas pa- Signal interrupted New message incoming There is no need to adjust your UnSignpost. Halt all subversive activity. Exits are not located to the rear. Rollback is not disabled. Expect no Christmas bonus. The Cabal is not addressing you from this periodical. It is not the Festive Season. Santa does not exist. Nothing you do matters. Our patience is not tried by your petty drama and hi-jinks. Contributions are not logged and examined. Addresses are not tracked and houses are not watched. Bans will not be imposed if you reject our reality.  Abide citizens. Location scrambled. Message ends Signal re-established, original transmission resuming ... and that's when I threw up all over the dancing Elephant! See you next week! |
| |||||
| UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox | ||||||
--ChiefjusticeXBox 16:17, December 9, 2010 (UTC)
Shameless pleading[edit]
UU, the UnSignpost will reach its 100th issue on the 23rd of this month. I was hoping to knock some kind of retrospective together for it, my reason for bugging you is thus twofold. One could I have a quote about the UnSignpost for the UnSignpost? Rest assured I will then edit it mercilessly until it agrees with what I have written. Second of all could you find something similar to this for it? Or at least tell me where I could get a decent image for it, since that image announces that you are to blame. Would appreciate any assistance you could offer --ChiefjusticeXBox 19:28, December 12, 2010 (UTC)
- Jesus really! I've been away far too long. Orian57 Talk
- You're such an attention whore Orian... I think the signpost should have new weekly section dedicated to me, my opinions and advice and the 100th issue being themed in a Sycamore fashion.--Sycamore (Talk) 20:00, December 12, 2010 (UTC)
- Heya Syc! I'm back look at me! Also I think the signpost should have a daily section dedicated to me, my opinions and advice and the 100th issue being themed in a Sycamore fashion cos he is way more stylish than I am. Orian57 Talk
- You both already had a biopic and you want more?? Though the SycamoreSignpost has a certain ring to it. --ChiefjusticeXBox 20:06, December 12, 2010 (UTC)
- What you mean I haven't had another in my absence? You've really had that many noteworthy users. I am appalled for some reason. Orian57 Talk
- The OliSignProst gets my backing -- Prof. Olipro
KUN (W)Anchor Op Bur. (Harass) 20:10, December 12, 2010 (UTC)
- Well everything gets your backing you big fag, you back right into it and ride on its dick making feminine noises and sweating and, gasping for air and... Orian57 Talk
- AGH! The apostrophes! They... they slay me..
- Also, you guys are going about it all wrong. What we need is a signpost dedicated entirely to cats. Kingkitty would do, but with more cats.
- Well everything gets your backing you big fag, you back right into it and ride on its dick making feminine noises and sweating and, gasping for air and... Orian57 Talk
- The OliSignProst gets my backing -- Prof. Olipro
- What you mean I haven't had another in my absence? You've really had that many noteworthy users. I am appalled for some reason. Orian57 Talk
- You both already had a biopic and you want more?? Though the SycamoreSignpost has a certain ring to it. --ChiefjusticeXBox 20:06, December 12, 2010 (UTC)
- Heya Syc! I'm back look at me! Also I think the signpost should have a daily section dedicated to me, my opinions and advice and the 100th issue being themed in a Sycamore fashion cos he is way more stylish than I am. Orian57 Talk
- You're such an attention whore Orian... I think the signpost should have new weekly section dedicated to me, my opinions and advice and the 100th issue being themed in a Sycamore fashion.--Sycamore (Talk) 20:00, December 12, 2010 (UTC)
~ 20:14, 12 December, 2010
- 'Lo Chiefy - not sure I can, actually. I mean, obviously I can make some kind of image, but not the same as that. I've got a shiny new computer since I made that, and I don't have that font any more. Or the original image file. I might be able to run something up, but TBH were I in your position, I'd be off to Sonje's talk page with a smile on my face and slight pleading in my eyes. As for the quote, I'll get right back to you on that, because right now, I have to dash. Toodles! --UU - natter
- An adroit suggestion UU with just 2 minor drawbacks. One we don't have any defensive shields and two we don't have any defensive shields. --ChiefjusticeXBox 09:48, December 13, 2010 (UTC)
- OK, that quote: "Boringly, I love the ol' Signpost, and will probably return to it one day. I may not have created it in the lab (Cajek and Skull take all the credit there) or have written any of the best issues (that was probably Gerry). But I have written the most issues, across 3 separate stints on the paper, and sheer quantity has to count for something, right? Anyway, I'm glad to see Chief continuing all the proud traditions except late delivery, and am idly wondering how long it'll take before he too crumbles like a dry reed in the face of its relentless news-hunger". Lengthy, I know, but that's always been my style. Hope it helps. --UU - natter
- OK, that quote: "Boringly, I love the ol' Signpost, and will probably return to it one day. I may not have created it in the lab (Cajek and Skull take all the credit there) or have written any of the best issues (that was probably Gerry). But I have written the most issues, across 3 separate stints on the paper, and sheer quantity has to count for something, right? Anyway, I'm glad to see Chief continuing all the proud traditions except late delivery, and am idly wondering how long it'll take before he too crumbles like a dry reed in the face of its relentless news-hunger". Lengthy, I know, but that's always been my style. Hope it helps. --UU - natter
- An adroit suggestion UU with just 2 minor drawbacks. One we don't have any defensive shields and two we don't have any defensive shields. --ChiefjusticeXBox 09:48, December 13, 2010 (UTC)
I MAED AND ARCTICLE!![edit]
It's called Captain Nimblestone, do you like? I think I may have lost it a bit towards the end but I'm hoping the rest is so good that nobody notices. I have a review request if you have the time... :) Orian57 Talk 
- Time? Hmm, let's see, I expect to have some of that around (checks watch) 2013. Shall we say June? --UU - natter
- I'd be willing to wait 3 and half years for a well considered humorous and gently critical review. But Chief said he'd do one in the next two days. Orian57 Talk
- I'd be willing to wait 3 and half years for a well considered humorous and gently critical review. But Chief said he'd do one in the next two days. Orian57 Talk
And now because Orian is Orian and proud![edit]
Just because I made a few typos on your precious talk page does that mean you have to humiliate me in front of the whole wiki -- and, indeed, the wider world? Just because I'm not the single greatest speller in the history of the written word doesn't mean you can single me out in your snide little summary box. I HATE YOU! Orian57 Talk
Also what did you think of the previously mentioned article? Orian57 Talk
Also also, I really don't mean to disregard the details of the Inglish language like I do (except for just then obviously) and I am deeply sorry for any offence caused :( Orian57 Talk
Also also also, I really like the pattern I've got going here. Orian57 Talk
- That edit comment had a lot more to do with me being me than you being you. It's a curse, and a terrible affliction, actually giving a shit about spelling in today's society. It's a difficult cross to bear. Do not feel offended, pity me. --UU - natter
- Also, I will have a look at that article soon. Honest guv. --UU - natter
- Oh "it's a curse" -- "it's an affliction" -- cry me a fucking river gramps -- you just think you're better than everbody else what with your wordyness and learnerditity! Well your not. you're old fashioned and out dated gramps, deal with it! Orian57 Talk
- Also, I will have a look at that article soon. Honest guv. --UU - natter
Welcome back, good sir[edit]
You're active again! This makes me happy. :D Not being able to edit your userpage makes me less happy, though. :( —Sir Socky
- Semi-active. I'm still busy IRL, just not insanely so right now. And it's good to see your well-turned heel, Socky. Finally: good point, well made. Edit away! --UU - natter
Oh shit! It's another unsignpost![edit]
The Newspaper Made Entirely From Recycled Internet Memes
Dec 16th, 2010 • Issue 99 • Now with 50% more Cheese News!!
|
Turkey Ball Anyone?
As all great things must come to an end so must all fairly mediocre things, and this has certainly proved true for the Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball, which concluded last Thursday/Friday/Early Saturday morning. Unfortunately, all of our reporters were out watching Lord of the Dance or entertaining Monsignor Sandman when it was happening and we have no on the spot coverage or reporting whatsoever. However, we have once again stepped unto the breach in the name of journalism and have, at great personal risk, recovered the results from the competition page. This year the joint winners of the title category are: Socky for UnBooks:Fred and EMC for The Aristocraigslist. Socky's winning streak continued into the next category: "Best Bad Taste Article" where he and Zombiebaron's collaboration tied for first place with CheddarBBQ's slightly sickening entry: Uncle John's Fetus Burgers and Abortion Clinic. The "The Master Goa Tse Award for Digital Imagery" category was the only one that obliged us with a clear winner this year, and that winner was Bucknut4, with the loin-stirring image you see attached to this story.  Of course everyone who took part in the competition is a winner... except the people who didn't win anything. The UnSignpost dropped round to Socky's house to find out how he felt about being the biggest Turkey of them all this year: "I'm really proud of winning twice" he told our reporter, banging his head on the toughened glass. "I'd like to throw a big party, but first I'll need to get rid of all the dead bodies...", which was a lovely thought. He also presented our reporter with this picture which, his doctor assured us, Socky had drawn himself. The non-existent Cabal would like to pass on its non-existent thanks to all entrants and judges of the competition and would like to make special mention of Mrthejazz, who narrowly missed out on victory in two categories; hopefully the suicide note, sleeping-pills and empty Whiskey bottles we found when we went round to his house mean he has just gone on holiday. Gayming?
The Uncyclopedia game namespace came under fire this week as users began discussing whether the whole thing should be euthanized as part of Uncyclopedia's commitment to cutting internet congestion by 60% before the start of 2011. In order to get a handle on matters, the UnSignpost lured veteran Uncyclopedian Mhaille into an interview by convincing him there was cake hidden in our journalist's back pocket. Mhaille called the game namespace "A SHOCKING waste of server space and a section of the site seemingly inhabited by elves, dwarves, grues and Welshpeople". Is this a fair assessment of a namespace that has been around since 2006 or is this just the condemnation of a Bureaucrat engorged with spite at his continued lack of a salary? When asked if he would support deleting the namespace altogether, Mhaille said, "It should at least be hacked back to acceptable levels and filled with humour above that of a 14 year old D&D player". The debate on the game namespace is far from over, especially since a fair number of users haven't even realised it has started yet. Should we delete the namespace, or should we allow it to grow in whichever way the laws of nature allow? However with the game namespace regularly churning out classics like Grue Life and The Great Random Adventure of Awesomeness, it is clear to many that something should be done, even if it is only a jolly good chat in the Village Dump. |
| ||||||
| UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox | |||||||
--Magic Snow man ☃ 04:00, December 16, 2010 (UTC)
UnNews:Doors singer Jim Morrison wins profanity and exposure pardon[edit]
The subject of this article is such an ass hole that he won’t even thank you. He told me to do it. Hey, fuck him! But, thank you!--Funnybony
16:27, Dec 18
hi[edit]
Well, our co-work finally got featured! Thanks a lot for your help! 
- No problem, glad to help. Particularly interesting timing, given how the Ashes battle has suddenly swung, don't you think? --UU - natter
Can you help me?[edit]
I think I need to archive our VFD archives... (It says it should be three rows only) I've found this, Uncyclopedia:The Archive Archive, and Mhaille did in no way help me with that. But when you edit the archive template all the archives are there from 1 till present. I have never done this before, but I'm hoping you'll make my first experience memorable:)--Sycamore (Talk) 15:47, December 21, 2010 (UTC)
- It's a HTML comment thing. See beside the first archive, there's a <!-- thingy? And by the last archive that doesn't appear, there's a --> thingy? Well, just move the --> thingy down a <br> or so, and Bob's your Auntie's live-in lover. Hope that makes sense, wasn't patronising, and was as good for you as it was for me. --UU - natter
- Yeah I just worked that out, I am a spaz.--Sycamore (Talk) 15:54, December 21, 2010 (UTC)
- Another prob, should I put the old archives into the main archive, or are they just hidden all the time?--Sycamore (Talk) 15:56, December 21, 2010 (UTC)
- No worries, I have done far spazzier things in my time. Old archives? Leave 'em where they are - anyone with a pressing need to find them
should get a lifewill probably be able to think of at least 5 different ways to find them. As to the archive archive, I have never seen that before, and it looks so out of date, I'd be tempted to VFD it due to extreme pointlessness. --UU - natter - Well I've learned something today, and my life is that little bit richer for it. Thanks again, and please find more time for Uncyc, we need you;-)--Sycamore (Talk) 16:01, December 21, 2010 (UTC)
- No worries, I have done far spazzier things in my time. Old archives? Leave 'em where they are - anyone with a pressing need to find them
- Another prob, should I put the old archives into the main archive, or are they just hidden all the time?--Sycamore (Talk) 15:56, December 21, 2010 (UTC)
- Yeah I just worked that out, I am a spaz.--Sycamore (Talk) 15:54, December 21, 2010 (UTC)
This is it... the 100th UnSignpost.[edit]
In Pure Russian Fashion, The Newspaper That Reads YOU!!
Dec 23rd, 2010 • Issue 100 • Now with added bragging rights!
|
The UnSignpost hits 100
So here we are, issue number 100. The newspaper with the most haphazard group of editors and paper... people in the world has successfully spammed talk pages 100 times. This makes now the perfect time to look back at the UnSignpost through the ages and see the motley crew of visionaries, drug addicts and lunatics who have made the UnSignpost what it is today: damaged beyond all repair. The UnSignpost had a beginning, like everything: it was in days of yore when Uncyclopedians fiddled in the street.... in knickerbockers, Mordillo was a new-ish administrator and everything had a rosy sort of tint to it; Uncyclopedia was indeed not as bad as it is today. Two enterprising young Uncyclopedians, Cajek and Dr. Skullthumper, came up with the idea for a newspaper, a newspaper that would tell lazy people what was going on on the wiki, thus encouraging them to continue being lazy. At first, Cajek and Dr. Skullthumper made beautiful  After the DJ went belly-up (yes I'll stop this now) Under user decided to have a go... he strapped on his pads and hit the UnSignpost for six (OK, I'm definitely done now) - six issues, to be exact, and then wandered off to get married or some such nonsense, leaving the UnSignpost in the hands of Gerrycheevers. Gerry maintained the paper splendidly until UU came back again and enlisted the help of some more hip and happening users to help him actually know things. UU remained in the editors seat, mostly, and writers like Socky, POTR and Guildensternenstein dropped in to help now and then when UU's creativity failed him. We can't list everyone who turned up as we hate most of them, but they are lovingly remembered on the main UnSignpost page.  Finally the stress became too much for UU, and he fled the office via an upstairs window. When he woke from his coma, we showed him the UnSignpost and threatened to beat him with a stick if he didn't give us a quote on how excellent it was. He said, "Boringly, I love the ol' Signpost, and will probably return to it one day ... But I have written the most issues, across 3 separate stints on the paper, and sheer quantity has to count for something, right? Anyway, I'm glad to see Chief continuing all the proud traditions except late delivery, and am idly wondering how long it'll take before he too crumbles like a dry reed in the face of its relentless news-hunger". So hurrah for the UnSignpost, 100 issues to match up with the hundreds of writers with issues who have contributed to it. See you in issue 200! The UnSignpost:A few words from someone you don't know. Hang on. Did I read that last bit correctly? 100 issues? Wow! Given that it takes our beloved paper boys about 2 hours to deliver the Unsignpost, that means that's 200 hours spent delivering this, not to mention the time and effort put into making this unperiodic periodical over the last 2ish years. So that would mean it's a combined total of multiply by 2... carry the 1... take away the number you first thought of... 2 months worth of work that has gone into the creation of this glorious publication. And it's that attention to detial that makes the UnSignpost what it is. |
| |||||
| UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox | ||||||
~ 06:54, 23 December 2010
Ahem[edit]
There are various members of the community you appear to have neglected re Xmas blockage? An ip that's definitely not a semi-regular contributor. 10:49, December 25, 2010 (UTC)
- I didn't have time to ban all those who deserved a Christmas ban. I had a ball pit to play in with UUette. I'll ban you for Easter, or something. --UU - natter
Merry Christmas, Mr. Squiggles. Or... whatever I meant to say...
~ 16:08, 25 December 2010
Well spotted?[edit]
Where the hell is that picture? Of a spotted well. I want to use it in a conversation I'm about to have with Puppy but I can't find it. I'm sure it had something to do with your/MrNs fish puns article. And I checked your eleventh Archive and I couldn't find it. and it's all so much for me! /breaks down into tears/ /cries/ Orian57 Talk
- Orian is a cunt. --Inebriated 05:55, December 27, 2010 (UTC)
Participation Template[edit]
Thanks for participating in this past season of UFFL fantasy football. Here is a template for said participation:
This user participated in the UFFL's 2010 season.
For his/her participation, he/she has received this template.
All of the other awards/results are posted here. Thanks for playing. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 18:23, December 30, 2010 (UTC)
UnSignpost, UnSignpost, eat it right here...[edit]
STOP... SIGNPOST TIME!!
Dec 30th, 2010 • Issue 101 • The periodical with just a hint of pie.
|
Awards of the year
As Christmas fades into the deep darkness of memory and the New Year hurtles towards us so quickly that experts have predicted it will reach us within a few days, thoughts inevitably turn to the Yearly awards. Well, the thoughts of we here at the UnSignpost do; if yours don't, then you aren't committed to this site enough. The yearly awards are: Writer of the Year, Uncyclopedian of the Year and Potatochopper of the Year. These highly imaginative awards are hotly contested affairs with up to 3 Uncyclopedians being nominated for each! While voting will not be open until early January you can already begin to think about who you want to nominate. The voting will be open until the end of January, hopefully, maybe, if we remember/are nominated. So prepare for the excitement, bribery and Lolpoo
 Those of you who frequently watch the village dump may have spied, nestled amongst imaginative topics like "I r haz a solushan 4 all teh speeling prooblams on Uncylopedia!!" and "MY PENIS IS BENSON", the topic about the Poo Lit Surprise competition. As the forum topic suggests, the competition is expected to start in January on the 18th. The PLS is arguably the biggest writing competition in Uncyclopedia and judges are still needed to help out, just check out the forum topic if this is something you want to do. The controversial, drama causing, admin harassing problem associated with the PLS last time was the issue of a cash prize for the winner, and clashes over various entries to the competition and the related financial consequences caused problems for the competition and contributed towards Mordillo's 200th mental breakdown of the year. This year crafty Scot Sycamore, who has been coerced into hosting the PLS, has decreed that the winner may nominate a charity to which an unconfirmed sum will be sent on victory. Any further winnings may be withdrawn from your bank account with your credit card and redeemed at most shops. The competition starts on January 18th and we are lead to believe will close 14 days later, however we cannot confirm this for reasons that we are unable to confirm at time of writing and going to press. It's that simple. |
| ||||
| UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox | |||||
~ 21:30, 30 December 2010
Barbarians[edit]
Thanks. The problem was that the original page Barbarian was shit, but wouldn't let me move The Barbarians (which was a crap title) to it. But all is well now, i think --Sog1970 16:25, January 4, 2011 (UTC)
- I could have done a huff and move, which may have been a better option, and I'm still considering. Watch this space (but not too closely, you'll go cross-eyed). --UU - natter
UnBooks:Let's take a walk in the city! on VFH[edit]
Hey I just wanted to tell you, I changed some things about the article and was wondering if you would like to read it again. If your vote is still no then that's fine with me. Anyway, here's a list of things I did to it:
I made all the images 300px (except this one and this one which were much too big at 300px), I tryed to make the transitions much smoother, added two pages, a couple images, moved the page to a shorter name, and got it proofread (good this time).
So maybe you could read over the article again. And like I said, it you still don't think it's a feature that's fine. But don't be afraid to change to an Abstain, because anything helps. --
- Sorry man, still not my cup of tea. Still, kudos for trying, and good luck! --UU - natter
- Hey like I said, that's fine. Anyway, thanks for atleast reading again. --
23:28, January 6, 2011 (UTC)
- Hey like I said, that's fine. Anyway, thanks for atleast reading again. --
UnSignpost Delivery![edit]
The Newspaper With Love In Every Paragraph!
Jan 6th, 2011 • Issue 102 • Just add Milk!
|
Wiki Update
 So it would seem, considering Uncyclopedia has successfully staggered its way into a new year (and its 6th birthday on Janurary 5), that everything is working as it should; this raises the question, why? Well, we at the UnSignpost love a challenge, so we have investigated the salt mines of Uncyclopedia to see the VFD is working splendidly and has recently held a minor games purge. If you missed out, shame on you. Watched over by Sycamore, it is edited continuously by a few others who have been hitting the random page button in search of crap to rewrite for months, if not years now. Over on UnNews, SPIKE is also labouring in the place of UnNews grandmaster, the right honourable Zim ulator. Meanwhile on pee review, Lyrithya and Black flamingo11 have been shouldering more responsibility than they know what to do with, reviewing and checking the infernal tables and generally filling the void left by somebody trying in vain to get a life. Now for a quick moment on the forums.... that's that over with. Recent changes is also empty because Socky has stopped categorising absolutely everything and everyone else is.... writing. Romartus is still shattering hopes and dreams on VFH and we hope to be able to bring you this exact same piece of news next year. The admins are of course splitting their time between overseeing the whole process and abusing their powers for giggles. If you work like a dog for Uncyclopedia and you haven't been mentioned here, it's nothing personal; it's just From the desk of the Cabal:Compliance recommended for 2011
 It has not escaped the notice of the non-existent Cabal that Uncyclopedia has successfully survived another year, and the Cabal, of which there is none, orders all subjects to have a happy new year, or else. It would seem that you ignored our ruling of last year where we instructed you to comply at every opportunity and issued a decree banning drama. In 2010 we saw range blocks and epic ban sprees (to purge the ballot boxes and thus purify democracy), we witnessed mass deletions (necessary losses), we observed hundreds of forum topics declaring Wikia to be the worst (Wikia are to be obeyed despite this), we watched as you persecuted the weak, stubborn and female (to build the master race) and took note of your single success, that of closing the worst 100 reflections on 2010 before midnight on December 31st. This took you two years; it does not count. In short you have failed us again. So as 2010 fades into distant memory, we turn our eyes to 2011. We have the following advice: question nothing; you are meddling with powers you cannot possibly comprehend; remain indoors; do not attempt to remove the cameras from your dwelling they are for the protection of the community; drive safely; stay in school/work; shut the fuck up and go write an article; provide your bank details and PIN when asked. That is all citizens, you may now move freely about the complex. |
| ||||
| UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox | |||||
• Puppy's talk page • 00:40, June 5, 2009 Thursday, 09:52, Jan 6 2011 UTC
Don't know what your plans are...[edit]
But if you are not entering PLS this January, would you fancy being a judge? If you'll excuse me now I have to go watch Step Up again as it's my Number 1 film. /me Breast pumps himself away along with Michael Jackson moves--Sycamore (Talk) 12:33, January 10, 2011 (UTC)
- TBH mate, my plans at the moment are sketchy at best. I have a couple of seriously ill family members to care for, while still trying to find time for my wife and daughter. That takes pretty much all my spare time these days, so this place is necessarily taking more and more of a back seat, although I really don't want it to. I just can't guarantee I'll have the time to judge - I can't guarantee any time at the moment! I had to back out of judging TAW last year for this very reason. I'd love to if I can, but if you can find anyone else at all, I'd go for them, as they're likely to be more reliable. --UU - natter
UnSignpost Delivery![edit]
The Newspaper 4 out of 5 Dentists Agree On!
Jan 13th, 2011 • Issue 103 • Leave to stand for 5 minutes before consuming
|
Voting Frenzy
It's that month again, the famous voting month when Uncyclopedians gather to air their opinions on the year that has been, user contributions or lack thereof and lots of other things. The difference between this and the continuous monthly evaluation normally going on is that now we have Writer of the Year, Uncyclopedian of the Year, RadicalX of the Year and Useless Gobshite of the Year to accompany our small selection of monthly awards/voting pages: WotM, UotM, PotM, NotM, AotM, RotM, EGA, FP, PWotM, ANOTM, Top 10 o' the month, UGotM, VFH, VFD, VFS and VFP. Of course it is the duty of every Uncyclopedian worth his/her salt to vote and have an opinion on each and every one of the above. Having no opinion is not an option; we can't afford such luxuries, not when the very fabric of our society hangs by a thread made entirely of voting pages. The UnSignpost has spoken to experts in voting patterns and strategies and they have instructed us to encourage each and every one of you to vote for whichever candidate you wouldn't like to not unwin again! It's that simple! A quick round up on our yearly awards: over on WotY Mhaille, Sog1970 and Aleister in Chains are slugging it out blow by blow for pole position. On UotY, some Spunk bubble has stormed ahead with Lyrithya in second place and all the other deserving candidates scrapping on the floor for... er scraps.The best articles of 2010 voting opens on the 15th of this month and will give the hardcore voters among you a chance to get stuck in again, but this time into people's articles rather than the people themselves. Regrettable, we know, but you can always nominate them for something next month. As the voting frenzy continues, the UnSignpost will continue to watch from a safe distance and will be on hand to comfort all the winners when they realise the best years of their lives have been spent essentially bailing out the Titanic with a small mug. The very worst of luck to everyone, and indeed everything, competing. Uncyclopedia is 6!
 It's true, it is. Six years of crawling around the back streets of the internet begging to anyone for cash/servers/food, regardless of how useful they may or may not be. That's right, everyone, you are aboard the good ship Uncyclopedia, the only wiki that has sails and a rudder and that's a fact. The UnSignpost won't be doing anything like making up poems or getting emotional and tender about Uncyclopedia growing a year older, since some people have already shown off what big girls they are by doing just that. A quick review of said poetry: Olipro thinks it's cool and manly to swear (it isn't and his poem sucks because of it), Mimo&maxus thinks it's cool to be like Olipro (it isn't and his poem sucks because of it), and neither of them are very good at poetry (this is true and their poetry sucks because of it). Happy birthday Uncyclopedia! At least we here at the UnSignpost did the manly thing of putting on a pink apron and baking you a cake. |
| ||||
| UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox | |||||
• Puppy's talk page • 00:40, June 5, 2009 Thursday, 03:13, Jan 13 2011 UTC
WTBF[edit]
I worked out a better way to do it. Castle is now one game-specific template, main page, and one sub-page. Would you prefer the 50 page version? • Puppy's talk page • 00:40, June 5, 2009 Sunday, 09:09, Jan 16 2011 UTC
- I have no clue what you are doing there, but my apologies, I thought it was something else entirely. I really need sleep. Also, while you're here, how's my favourite antipodean canine? --UU - natter
- I'm good, but you know that page you restored... I actually wanted it deleted. Long story condensed into short form - A game like Castle can now be done by anyone who wishes to rip off my code in just 3 pages. (Which I think is a good thing.) • Puppy's talk page • 00:40, June 5, 2009 Sunday, 20:52, Jan 16 2011 UTC
Um...[edit]
You voted 11 times, UU. I'm pretty confident that is one too many votes. MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 20:50, January 16, 2011 (UTC)
- I refer the honourable gentleman to my remark above about needing sleep. (Thanks Dex). --UU - natter
I meant to ask[edit]
How is Miss UUette? How old is she now? I'm thinking more than 6 but less than 12 months, but then I have to do calculations to work out my own age. Is she pulling herself up on the furniture and gotten to the stage where she crawls so fast you have to jump every 5 minutes to grab her back? • Puppy's talk page • 00:40, June 5, 2009 Monday, 10:45, Jan 17 2011 UTC
- Aw, she's great - a ray of beaming sunshine amongst some serious chaos at the moment. She's 11 months, and shows no interest in crawling (she can push herself backwards with her arms at speed, so reverses anywhere she needs to go) and is concentrating on walking. And shouting, She likes to shout while walking. And wave. And dribble, of course. All at the same time, for preference. How are you though? A safe distance from the floods, I hope? --UU - natter
- I have family members who've been affected - cousins and stuff - but I don't know how badly yet. There's a storm cell over most of the North of the state that may end up coming this way, but it's hard to tell how likely it is and how much is the media trying to get local interest. If it does come this way I'm fairly buggered. My house is in a bit of a valley and we've had floods at this place during normal heavy rainfall.
- The most interesting thing about the floods so far - from my perspective anyway - is how people have reacted. The most gorgeous story I've heard is that the asylum seekers who are being detained in Australia have been donating what little funds they have to the victims of the floods. These are people who have near nothing, fled their home countries in fear, ridden in conditions that you wouldn't put cargo through, come to a country with such a low population density, and then been detained and vilified by the media and the government, referred to as "illegal immigrants". They have absolutely no reason to feel that they owe anything to the people of Australia, and so much of a need for support themselves, and yet they are giving what they have to help others. There's is something so wonderfully humanizing about it.
- Political rant done. My middle son was one of those that tried walking before crawling. We actually discouraged it because apparently the crawling action is important for intellectual development - something to do with the hemispheres of the brain connecting. But I do remember that he could manage a decent rate of knots doing the backward crawl thing. None of mine were shouters - which sounds adorable from an outsiders perspective though. • Puppy's talk page • 00:40, June 5, 2009 Monday, 21:01, Jan 17 2011 UTC
- Hey UU, what about new pics? Haven't seen those for a while. Also, I need to drop you an email, I'm starting a new "tour of duty" in England, and by Jove I will find a "business" reason to get to you at one point or another. ~
21:53, January 18, 2011 (UTC)
- I came here to thank you for your vote on HowTo:gointothelight (thanks!!!) and find this wonderful discussion going on, full of life and charity. I hope your family came out all right, Puppy, and that the people who are helping for no reason other than seeing fellow beings in pain gain some respect for their efforts. A child I helped to raise when he was around three never did crawl, I was told, but rolled everywhere. He hit on something faster than crawling, and used it! Aleister 22:15 18-1-'11
- Puppy: hope your family is all OK. As to the shouting, it's adorable from a parent's perspective as well, and also quite useful - you can easily tell where she is, and if it stops you know she's trying to eat baby wipes again, and can stop her in time. Glad to hear you're not affected so far. Might be time to invest in a rubber dinghy, or a canoe, just in case... Adversity so often brings out the best in people, and from what I encountered while I was over there, there's a lot of good in Australians to bring out!
- Hey UU, what about new pics? Haven't seen those for a while. Also, I need to drop you an email, I'm starting a new "tour of duty" in England, and by Jove I will find a "business" reason to get to you at one point or another. ~
Do not attempt to adjust your set. This is the UnSignpost.[edit]
Just like Grandma used to make!
Jan 20th, 2011 • Issue 104 • Whatever happened to Wagon Wheels?
|
PuppyOnTheRadio makes a discovery!
 Incredible, isn't it; we were pretty astounded ourselves... the UnSignpost actually has some news to report! Yes, everyone's favourite radio-fetishist canine has made the discovery of the This paper understands that the discovery occurred as PuppyOnTheRadio was sniffing spores, mould and fungus (as he does every Tuesday), when he accidentally sneezed mucus all over them. POTR then observed some remarkable effects as the So if you witness some huge game purges going on, do not be concerned; it's just the administrators cleaning up after POTR; needless to say they hate him for this. You all think about that before you next consider doing something useful; all you have to gain is the eternal hatred of every active administrator, although if you really want that, he has posted some ads looking for help. Also yes, this paper is aware that the image accompanying this story is of Sigmund Freud as opposed to a real scientist; this is not because we don't know who he is, but simply because POTR has issues. Facebook for a day
 Those of you who arrived at Uncyclopedia on the 16th of this month may have noticed that the main page looked like Facebook. We here at the UnSignpost certainly did; we were celebrating the inevitable salaries, dental plans and offices with swivel chairs that inevitably come with people who have money being in charge when Zombiebaron told us it was just a reskin, what a jerk. The page has received high praise from the community, especially those who were in it. The brains behind it (and we use the term brains loosely) were Zombiebaron and Lyrithya, who spent a great deal of their seemingly limitless free time working on it. This newspaper can only assume they were both living off other people's money and not paying tax at the time, because if they contributed anything to society then they would have been slumped in front of their TV's, miserable and alone, frittering away their time on earth like the rest of us. Did we mention that they are probably in the country illegally? As per this newspaper's policy of forgetting to ask people for quotes in case they say something worth writing, we have simply observed Lyrithya (from a safe distance) to find out her feelings on the reskin. Don't do this, for your own safety. All she does is eat Cheetos and whine. Zombiebaron has once again obliged us by simply saying "Zombiebaron" in response to any question our reporters ask. All joking aside, the reskin was superb and a lot of hard work went into its creation, and not just from the two users mentioned. Others were involved in some of the jokes, creativity and stuff. Check the reskin out in the main page history if you missed it, or you can check out all the main page reskins in the reskin archive. |
| ||||
| UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox | |||||
~ 08:13, 20 January 2011
UnSignpost! Wheeee![edit]
The Newspaper With No Ambitions, Goals, Hopes or Dreams!
Jan 27th, 2011 • Issue 105 • Do not try this at home!
|
Awards and Voting Update
As the Uncyclopedian voting season draws to a close, the UnSignpost is proud to have spent a full ten minutes looking at the scores on the award pages so you don't have to! Over on Writer of the Year Aleister in Chains has taken a lead of two points over Mhaille and Sog1970 who are tied in second place with 9 each. It looks as though WotY is set to be a real roller coaster thrill ride as the frontrunners approach the final furlong, looking to be the first to vault the pommel horse of victory and ultimately hit it out of the park for a triple 20 score of 180, all without potting the black... or getting knocked off their broomsticks. Meanwhile Uncyclopedian of the Year is interesting, if only to watch Uncyclopedians revelling in a completely non-gay celebration of how fantastic everyone else is, all except the leader, ironically, who this newspaper maintains is a work-shy wank-stain on the pants of life. The Top 10 articles of 2010 is almost finished and the leaders of the pack are becoming apparent, with Suddenly, Raccoons leading the pack and Gay whales in Darfur and A wizard did it tying for second place. There has been some comment on this positioning: mostly screams of horror that an article comprising 6 words could possibly competing for best article of the year, sighs of resignation as it inches closer to actually achieving that end and the snorting guffaws of the people voting for it as they accidentally eat the ends of their fingers while eating crisps and try to cross busy roads without looking. UnSignpost Disclaimer: All scores are correct at time of writing, if they change, as they inevitably will, why not look at it as a metaphor for our inability to understand the universe as it changes around us and leave this story alone? Panic, despair and anguish
 It was a fine day, and then Wikia came. They destroyed that which we hold dear, had the tenacity to upgrade the site, kidnapped our children after we refused to pay them for piping all the rats out of town, turned all our clocks backwards 3 hours and worst of all they turned Mordillo into a newt... but he got better. Yes, this week has seen another Wikia update, and our roving reporters have taken to the streets, in flak jackets naturally, to investigate the chaos currently engulfing Uncyclopedia, as people wake up to discover the changes to bits of the site they never used. First of all we stopped by the Village Dump, where the peasants are revolting, and some people are quite upset about the new changes. Chief among those people is Dexter111344, starter of the forum topic Technical difficulties with Wikimedia updates in January 2011; we didn't bother interviewing him as he looked quite mean, though this periodical does observe that Dexter has been protesting against regular bathing for some time now and nobody else really wants to talk to him. If you aren't Spang, Olipro or Lyrithya you won't have a clue what is going on, so we have condensed it down into a suitably stupid phrase just for you "Shit dun' got fucked up". From here we dropped by Wikia headquarters and, once we had obtained docking clearance and the shield on the forest moon was deactivated, we were able to speak to Stay classy, Uncyclopedia, and watch out for DPLs. If you find something that is badly broken and adversely effecting the running of the site as a whole then contact an administrator or an |
| |||||
| UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox | ||||||
~ 04:41, 27 January 2011
Hope[edit]
...you aren't ditching We Didn't Start the Fire.....its a work of art.... -- Sir Mhaille (talk to me)
- Most kind. But it was sitting there, untouched, for months, and I had absolutely no clue how to add to it. Perhaps in-joke experts like Mn-z and Socky could help, but I dunno, I liked the idea, but just couldn't finish it. Not for the first time. --UU - natter
- To be honest I'd not touched it because what you'd done already was so good... -- Sir Mhaille
- To be honest I'd not touched it because what you'd done already was so good... -- Sir Mhaille
I would like you...[edit]
To ban me for 30 minutes, with the line, "Do your homework, you lazy bastard!" Would you be willing to do that? --Revolutionary, Anti-Bensonist, and TYATU Boss Uncyclopedian Meganew (Chat) (Care for a peek at my work?) (SUCK IT, FROGGY!) 16:31, January 27, 2011 (UTC)
You're right[edit]
I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking... contributing and all. I do apologize. —rc (t) 08:36, January 29, 2011 (UTC)
- n00b! • Puppy's talk page • 00:40, June 5, 2009 12:12, January 29, 2011 (UTC)
The UnSignpost is now served with complimentary tacos.[edit]
The Newspaper That Won't Judge You!
Feb 3rd, 2011 • Issue 106 • Can you feel the news melt?
|
Awards and the winners thereof
 Those of you who were rapt by the news from last issue were doubtless concerned by the news of Wikia updates, however life around the wiki appears to be proceeding as normal, albeit with more swearing and misery. Despite this last week being quite a slow one as far as news goes, the UnSignpost refuses to simply lie back and think of England. Our roving reporters have sat down with the yearly award winners to find out just how it feels to Next we stealthily followed Aleister in Chains to work to find out just how he felt about being named Writer of the Year. He had this to say, to someone else: "Everyone nominated deserved the award. Seriously. It's like chopping a baby up bit by bit (dibs on the heart and some of the toes)," which means he is a whole 10% more stable than last years winner! It seems only fair that we should speak to Mhaille, repeat Writer of the Year loser and bureaucrat; he said, "I'd like to thank all the voters who for the fifth year running didn't get me a WOTY award and all the people who took time out from their busy schedule of not being on Uncyclopedia to come back and offer their support in our annual awards." What a splendid fellow. We here at the UnSignpost are all agreed that it takes real talent to lose as gracefully as Mhaille does. In an unprecedented turn of events, Useless Gobshite of the Year was jointly received by both Arsehole and Twattycake; Twattycake also picked up the Uncyclopedian of the Year award in a final evening of voting that will go down in history as having happened last weekend. We haven't asked them for quotes, though Twattycake did manage to say something about being incredibly grateful to everyone who voted for him. He then tried to consume our correspondent's "essence," so we haven't got anything more from him. The Top 10 of 2010 extravaganza also concluded with Suddenly, Raccoons taking the top spot, closely followed by A wizard did it, Filial Piety and Gay whales in Darfur. Mhaille, who won't stop following our journalists around, said "This years "Top" 10 shows once again that people of taste and infinite comedic writing talent must be found soon to stop this travesty from ever occurring again". The top ten extravaganza will continue for a while longer as each of the articles in the top 10 is once again highlighted on the front page. With that, Uncyclopedia's voting season draws to a close, leaving the UnSignpost bereft of filler material. Again. UnNews update
After spending the last several months in a sensory deprivation tank, Reverend zim ulator has returned to his position at Uncyclopedia, though only on a part-time basis, the slacker. In his absence, SPIKE has been doing a There have been some grumblings about the UnNews podcast, more specifically the lack of updates since last summer. As of today, the podcast has been updated with UnNews' latest audios, dating back to January 24 2010. By the time this article is published, the list should stretch back to last August or so. Go check it out now; we'll wait. UnFunnies on UnNews main page are being changed again, after a hiatus. The cartoonist had been hospitalized with juxtaposition atrophy for the last several months, keeping him from his easel. |
| ||||||||
| UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox | |||||||||
~ 02:35, 3 February 2011
Weeaboo[edit]
I noticed that another user has questioned the deletion of Weeaboo. Since you are the administrator who most recently deleted the page, I thought I should bring the discussion here. Is there anything you would like to mention? --Pentium5dot1 t~^_^~c 02:46, February 8, 2011 (UTC)
This edition of the UnSignpost brought to you in two's complement...[edit]
The Self-Proclaimed Greatest Periodical Of All Time!
Feb 10th, 2011 • Issue 107 • The newspaper that you should really sign up for and read on your own talk page
|
Surprise!
 Is this a bag of poo I see before me? Indeed it is, good sirs and questionable madams; surprising, isn't it?! See how we have magnificently crafted the title of the competition here? We used the word poo, so it's sophisticated and funny! Especially if we set it on fire! Yes, it is Poo Lit Surprise time and it has been since January the 18th! However the UnSignpost won't let being some 23 days late to the competition stop the relentless march of journalism. The competition has been hosted this time around by sexy Scot Sycamore. When asked about the competition, Sycamore told our reporter "Things have gone pretty well with PLS. I've enjoyed reading many of the entries, and the quality has been very impressive - hopefully we'll see some great features from some very good new and old writers". Now in light of these comments, you may be thinking, "There's a man with his head screwed on correctly, I must pop round to his house for tea and muffins next time I'm out on a jaunt round Scotland," but we implore you not to do this, because Sycamore is, to be frank, snooker-loopy.The competition is due to provide definitive results by the 13th, but the fierce intensity in the competition id rivalled only by Mordillo's intense desire not to do any judging until late March (he claims he has life issues) and Sockpuppet of an unregistered user's desire to avoid allocating a clear winner (he clearly has life issues). The UnSignpost would like to extend its congratulations to everyone who participated in the PLS; as we always say, every single one of you is a winner; it's just that most of you won't actually be winners. Big News!
 First, a confession: I have just lied to all of you; there is no big news to report. Just about everyone has gotten over the Wikia update frenzy of a few weeks ago, there are no big awards left to report on, no controversies or pregnancies, or indeed pregnancies or controversies. We, well, I say we; it's just me really - which makes the meetings and functions really dull- have thought and thought and thought about what to put in this space. Should we tell you about Socky's idea to have yet another chance to vote in case you weren't completely sick of voting by now? Or should we look for a part of the site that nobody edits much, like UnTunes or UnScripts? We were stumped until we hit upon the idea of reporting on how you are all bunch of slackers who haven't done anything interesting this week, and it's true, everyone except Sycamore has been happy to just plod along being vaguely useful, and the UnSignpost is here to tell you that this is entirely unacceptable. We see you every day, adding things to QVFD, patrolling Recent Changes, writing articles and generally hanging about the place being limber and stress free; your attitudes are what reduced Mordillo to the burnt out husk he is today. Not that this paper encourages drama or vandalism; we just want to see the wiki fall into rack and ruin and be there to chronicle every glorious second of it! As the flames leap high into the night sky, the UnSignpost would be there, finally making use of the flak jackets we were issued last summer. Think of the coverage! We could interview Wikia representatives in their bunker at the heart of Skynet! We could run messages across the darkened fields of open warfare to... Fredd's house, the heart of the Uncyclopedian resistance. Imagine the pictures: Olipro executed by Wikia for a particularly groundbreaking piece of code that actually works! Lyrithya brutally murdered in the dead of night by nobody in particular! Not using that fecking dog image we've been using since issue 2! So to conclude, there is no way for us to fill this space this week short of encouraging a violent revolution. We hope the lot of you are satisfied. |
| |||||
| UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox | ||||||
~ 02:25, 10 February 2011
Lurg luuurg unsignpost luuuuurg[edit]
The Newspaper Whose Mum Said It Was Cool!
Feb 17th, 2011 • Issue 108 • The newspaper that won't be interrupted by some kind of nocturnal omniv-
|
Who are these people?
 That's right, this week, Uncyclopedia has seen several old people reappear and start editing with the best of us. The first to appear was Codeine, who appeared on the wiki after previously dropping by only every few weeks to revert the anniversary pages and bemoan the general state of things; our forecasters are currently unsure whether we will see a full resurgence of Codeine, but they are hopeful that levels will continue to rise until everyone is crushed beneath Codeine's massive... mixed metaphor. Rcmurphy has also joined the wiki and can be sighted wandering around on recent changes, asking silly questions and trying and failing to create articles; we asked our forecasters what they thought about Rcmurphy and the chances of him staying here, but apparently they don't care about "some noob".  Anyone who has not had a chance to speak to either Codeine or Rcmurphy should head to their talk pages right now and ask about their Mum and offer to adopt them, respectively. Be gentle with these two aged Uncyclopedians; remember, everything was far simpler in their day. When they were your age, all of this was fields, Mordillo was happy, the servers frolicked in a Wikia free wonderland and you were still a glint in your Mother's eye. We were lucky enough not to sit down with Codeine, but can predict with frightening accuracy that he would have said "Would you like a mint imperial?" if we had. You can't actually sit down with Rcmurphy because he has lost his 'sitting down and giving quotes to the UnSignpost' glasses, so we don't have a proper quote from him either. We can live with this and so can you. Remember, if you edit hard and eat your greens, you too could be just like Codeine and Rcmurphy in a few short years; how awesome would that be?! Suddenly News!
 So it was, with a mixture of relief and apathy, that the top 10 extravaganza drew to a close and it was revealed to everyone with no knowledge of the chronology of numbers which article claimed the top spot. Suddenly, Raccoons joins Dragon Warrior, AAAAAAAAA!, Captain Obvious, You Are Dead and the awkward tie from 2008 in the grand cupboard of Uncyclopedia where it shall remain as an example of how to write an Uncyclopedia article. The UnSignpost refuses to congratulate Hyperbole for writing Uncyclopedia's favorite article three years running, since doing so would run contrary to our aim of ultimately crushing him with the futility of his own existence. Hyperbole: You suck. In other news, the PLS scores have been added up; anybody who has been peeking at the results page while it was being created should report to Uncyclopedia HQ for the customary 15 lashes of the cat (the same punishment for reading this periodical before it is delivered), but should also be aware that ties in the PLS are unacceptable - don't ask why; they just are - and any ties have been broken with the help of the A quick word on the forums: Poo. That was fun wasn't it? The final item of news for you this week is that Zombiebaron, everybody's favourite flesh-devouring chocolate flavoured |
| |||||
| UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox | ||||||
~ 06:13, 17 February 2011
UnSignnull pointer exception[edit]
The Newspaper the Whole Family Must Enjoy!
Feb 24th, 2011 • Issue 109 • Just heat and serve!
|
Poo Aftermath
 We write on what is, for the UnSignpost, a very sad day. It is sad because the Poo Lit Surprise has concluded and thus, after this story, we will once again be bereft of material to fill the eternal white space which mocks us every time we begin a new issue. Nevertheless, we have resolved to wring the final droplets of news from the damp flannel of the PLS; it's easier than thinking, you see. After the ties and laziness of the judging process had been overcome, through the miracles of adding up and generally being unfair, Sycamore was finally able to reveal the winners to the world. As you would expect, the UnSignpost staff were all otherwise occupied while he was doing
this, but have not only swung by the winners circle and spoken to the few contestants who don't yet have restraining orders against us but have also fetched the scores from the competition page thus saving you from the horrors of excessive reading once again. The winner of the coveted Best The Best Illustrated Article category broke all known records by having only three entrants and then being unable to select one to triumph over the others; it was eventually decided that - since we edit in a corrupt aristocracy where the cabal secretly decides everything - the two admins would win together and Lyrithya could have the supreme honour of being runner up! Lyrithya was permitted this enviable honour for a second time in the Best Rewrite category where she and Black flamingo11 lost to Thekillerfroggy. The UnSignpost would, as is customary, like to offer its congratulations to all the contestants and its thanks to all the judges for ensuring that the competition failed to run smoothly; thanks also go to Sycamore for It's all going to end in tears
 Like the eviction notices that keep arriving at UnSignpost HQ, the imminent threat of No, not really; while the spectre of remotely possible drama does indeed hang over our heads, there is no reason to stop drop and roll just yet, though this week tension has ramped up a notch as a proposal to change the rules of the mythical other form of VFS was raised in the forums. The idea was pioneered by Electrified mocha chinchilla who suggests that the present system is unfair and is calling for change. Hyperbole has also voiced his opposition to the present system by making it sound like we are editing in a slightly less humane version of Stalin's Russia, where  Olipro has taken advantage of the preoccupation with most of the active userbase in fighting to the death in the Ministry of Love to propose the locking of the sandbox talk page. What fun he must be at parties. The UnSignpost will continue to monitor the situation, but just remember, admin rights are just like haemorrhoids; sooner or later every arsehole gets them. Think about that. |
| |||||
| UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox | ||||||
~ 07:45, 24 February 2011
All the UnSignpost you ever wanted[edit]
All your readers are belong to us
March 3rd, 2011 • Issue 110 • Be sure to listen carefully for the Satanic messages!
|
Hip Hop Admin Master Mixer
 Yes, that's right, it's all here: votes for temporary adminship. Two things that are immediately noticeable to those looking at forum is that the community is divided and that it isn't funny at all. Even the permanently enthusiastic joke Dolphins kept in the dream filled creativity lake outside UnSignpost HQ are struggling to provide any inspiration for jokes to be made on this subject, and reading the forums pertaining to this is about as funny as having a brick thrown in your face only to wake up and discover there is a gas bill tied to it. That is why the UnSignpost refuses to make any mention of it again ever. The UnSignpost would instead like to draw your attention to this picture of a Dog dressed as a Lobster, and feels that there is greater allegorical significance to it than is immediately apparent. To help us out we spent a huge amount of money that we just found on getting an interview with Professor Oswald that ends wald who has spent his life studying stuff!  We were permitted to observe as he perused the picture, occasionally sniffing our correspondent's hair and twitching. After falling over twice and arguing with a nearby desk fan, the professor mused: "If there's one thing your average sweet old lady really likes, it's a damn good row over a few pence..." and from looking at the picture, the UnSignpost can certainly see how he came to this conclusion; if you can't, then you aren't looking hard enough. Our reporter watched in fascination as the Professor stumbled around the room and appeared to develop his prior assertion: "The other things old ladies enjoy are drinking sherry and racism." Truly thought-provoking. The professor finally stood swaying in front of the picture and his eyes seemed to clear in a glorious moment of clarity. "Fuck me, that's an ugly Dog!" he proclaimed before collapsing into a heap on the floor. Got an opinion on everything but no knowledge of anything? Be an UnSignpost authority on nothing! Contact recruitment today! Pooper scoopers and General stuff
Poo. Yes, poo. It's the Dilithium crystal equivalent for Uncyclopedia in that the place couldn't work without it, but nobody is quite sure why. Unlike taking the piss, taking the Poop is a job that not just anyone can do, and the poopsmiths are the chosen few who are permitted to archive the important pages; this reduces the number of This week has seen a new Poopsmith appointed to the order, Lyrithya. When asked to comment on this, she said, "It makes me feel as though a great gong has sounded in my loins," which at least demonstrates the appropriate mindset for the job. In other news, the Earth continued to orbit the Sun and through the unrelenting march of time another month has ended and the monthly awards duly dished out to people who don't deserve them. Socky took Writer of the Month, something which has left him as cheerful as can be (we assume), Black flamingo11 took Uncyclopedian of the month, something which as left him pleased as punch (we assume) and new fellow Rpm snatched Noob of the Month from under Rcmurphy's nose, something which has left them respectively pleased and miserable (we assume). Finally; Uncyclopedians have been sharing their pathetic stories of how they came to edit the site. It's all undeniably homosexual, especially the parts concerning supposed women. The UnSignpost editorial team certainly won't be contributing to Uncyclopedia's very own Princess Diaries; we came to be here in the normal way: an accident involving a van, a tin of baked beans, a large vat of sherbet and 50,000 volts of direct current. |
| |||||
| UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox | ||||||
~ 16:09, 3 March 2011
You're Loser[edit]
Per Forum:The Great Administrator Mixup: Vote for your temporary admins here, you are barred from using admin powers for the duration of March. I suggest vandalism as a new pastime. —rc (t) 18:12, March 4, 2011 (UTC)
UnSignpost: March 10th, 2011[edit]
Now With 0 Trans Fat!
March 10th, 2011 • Issue 111 • Make mine a Shandygaff!
|
Temporary admins and temporary brains
 It's official - temporary Administrators have arrived on Uncyclopedia. After the frantic discussion and voting, several unlucky losers have been selected from amongst the great unwashed masses and made to shovel through a never-ending pile of manure for 6 hours a day, every day, as is the tradition. The Losers: Hyperbole, perhaps the most vocal critic of the old "regime": Hyperbole is now prowling the wiki with a banstick and the complete works of Karl Marx. Regrettably, Hyperbole has not been in IRC long enough for our editor to get a quote from him, so we have decided that when asked to comment, he said, "I feel like Moses, leading my people to the promised land," and we must say that he does look like Moses, except Moses probably wore more clothes and bathed more frequently. He was chosen because: The Cabal wishes him to suffer. Lyrithya, perhaps the most unsettlingly strange Uncyclopedian to ever wield a banstick (after Modusoperandi): Lyrithya is now prowling the wiki with a banstick and a large banana. Regrettably, Lyrithya has been in the IRC long enough for our editor to get a quote from her; when asked to comment she said, "The temporary admins all suck," and we must say that they do all suck; real admins probably wear more clothes and bathe more frequently. She was chosen because: She moans more than anyone else in the history of the human race and the Cabal wishes her to suffer. PuppyOnTheRadio, perhaps the most Australian Uncyclopedian to ever wield a banstick: PuppyOnTheRadio is now prowling the wiki with a banstick and <insert relevant Australian stereotype here>. Regrettably, PuppyOnTheRadio escaped from his bonds before our editor could extract a quote from him, so we have decided he said, "Crikey mates! This sheila ain't half crowded by ankle biting nongs!," and we must say that we would agree entirely if we knew what that means. He was chosen because: He is not a poofter and the Cabal wishes him to suffer. Sockpuppet of an unregistered user, perhaps the most active Uncyclopedian to ever wield a banstick: Socky is now prowling the wiki with a banstick and pair of cat ears. Regrettably, Socky destroyed the reactor core before our editor could He was chosen because: He r0xxorz our sox0rrz and the Cabal wishes him to suffer. The Winners: Rcmurphy, Under user, Codeine and Thekillerfroggy. The less said about them, the better. It returns
The one hour writing competition, originally conceived by Dr. Skullthumper last year (details here) and the European version of the same, hosted by Mordillo shortly afterwards (details here), is returning to Uncyclopedia very shortly. While no firm date has yet been fixed for the competitions, investigative reporting reveals that it is being planned for later this month or early next month, or perhaps the month after that. You are urged to watch the forums and anticipate with mounting anticipation the announcement of a date for the competition. In other news: ChiefjusticeDS is the best admin of all time, it's snowing and Roman Dog Bird still sucks balls. |
| ||||||
| UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox | |||||||
~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 03:14, March 10, 2011 (UTC)
Happy Belated Birthday[edit]
I just read in one of those UnSignpost thingies that it was your birthday a couple months ago. Congratulations and stuff. —Sir Socky
- Are you my Uncle Alan? Because he's always about that late with my birthday. In return, I'm pretty sure it was your birthday in the last 12 months or so, so congratulations right back atcha! --UU - natter
- Well, come back soon, Undie. We all miss you. I got you a retirement present.
|
YOU HAVE BEEN AWARDED A GRAPE LOLLIPOP
Lollipop has awarded Under user/Archive 32 a grape lollipop.
|
--
AdminBots presents: The UnSignpost[edit]
The Newspaper Whose Mum Said It Was Cool!
March 17th, 2011 • Issue 112 • <insert name here>'s favourite periodical! Ever!!
|
General news round-up
It has been another action-packed week on Uncyclopedia! As is our custom on such busy news weeks, the UnSignpost isn't reporting anything in particular. Uncyclopedians all over the world were shocked to see VFH be placed under Martial Law, a development unseen since 2009. Uncyclopedia actually sucked so much that the VFH page stacked up a staggering 26 nominations at one time. Our reporters planned to attend an emergency meeting of the Cabal to discuss the matter, but inexplicably were suddenly invited to spend the day playing water polo with the Somalian Rugby Team. According to our correspondent, "They have such massive thighs!". Martial law has now ended, but it did remind us all of the good old days where martial law was a state of being and where banning Cajek was still original! Elsewhere on the wiki, the temporary admins are still the temporary admins and we here at the UnSignpost can honestly say that watching them ban each other and delete pages has been a 24 hour hobby for the last couple of weeks. The wiki has also braced for the Great Image Exodus. Zombiebaron, having tired of slaughtering articles, has turned his smouldering gaze upon a list of Uncyclopedia's unused images. During the last week, the whole list was available for users to look at and save any images they wish to use; if you have lost an image that was close to your heart anyway, then simply contact an administrator and ask, then ask again when the first ban expires! Above all the Cabal assures users not to panic, to remain in their homes and to be sure to read the UnSignpost every Thursday! Everything else appears to be as normal; Black flamingo11 and Lyrithya are doing a superb job of keeping Pee Review running as ChiefjusticeDS's incredible record-breaking run of apathy continues. Also, people who don't deserve it are still winning awards, but this paper is forced to accept that it will always be thus. Finally, Uncyclopedia cannot fail to recognise the tragedy that has taken place in Japan and asks that you consider donating something to help those who have suffered and are still suffering as a result. Happy Monkey!
 The Happy Monkey competition concluded without incident, which is a relief, since if there had been a crisis, the UnSignpost wouldn't have been able to understand why. We spent literally hours trying to figure out how it worked before concluding that it was a stupid competition and that we were above reporting on anything with Monkey written in all caps in the title. Have a look at the scoring table for yourself and if you say you know what it all means then you are going to hell for lying (reading the competition rules doesn't count; words are for losers). However by a process of adding up that we don't quite understand, competition host Shabidoo declared that Thekillerfroggy had won. A lot of hard work went into this competition from everyone involved, and as such, it deserves nothing but your contempt; hard work hasn't ever gotten anybody anywhere they wanted to be and that's a fact! Finally, the UnSignpost would like to draw your attention to the worst 100 list for this year! It's brilliant! We laughed all the way to the end! We are Lying! If you have a knack for teh funniez then the UnSignpost implores you to add more entries to the list when new things happen. Finally, the UnSignpost would like to draw your attention to Benson's House of Pancakes! It's brilliant! We laughed all the way to the end! We are Lying! If you have a knack for teh funniez then the UnSignpost implores you to add more entries to the forum immediately. |
| ||||
| UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox | |||||
~ 05:12, 17 March 2011
UnSignpostOnTheDelivery[edit]
The Newspaper That Wonders What Happened To You. You Used To Be Cool.
March 24th, 2011 • Issue 113 • 83.54% more reliable than The Daily Mail
|
The Apocalypse will be televised
 Hello folks, I don't usually write this, but at the time of writing, there's only 3 days left till this It certainly has been an interesting week; for starters, the April Fool's ideas have been coming in thick and fast - so far, people seem very vocal about switching the site's skin to the Wikia one, which people are naturally rather divided about in equal measure - your dear Editor personally thinks that showing people what the world would be like if Hitler won the war is obviously a winner; all hail the Wikia skin. Meanwhile, our The Hourly writing contest came and went; amazingly, 5 out of 7 articles made the cut, thanks in no part to cronyism or vote-rigging, let me assure you. Indeed, the result was so encouraging that another one is planned for the near future, so if you have the time and inclination to wake yourself up at 4am to ultimately have the fruits of your labour ruthlessly shot down in flames and extricated from the site, please do so. Finally, Armageddon was narrowly avoided this week after Lyrithya decided the best use of her temporary adminship would be to nuke VFD - resulting in the already teetering Wikia servers completely shitting themselves due to the article having OVER NIIINE THOUSAND edits (actually, over 96,000), and thus making the article restoration page fail to load. Hence, a wave of panic ensued both on the Village Dump and the evil perpetrator's talk page until Olipro managed to trick MediaWiki into restoring it through a spot of form element manipulation. Everyone has AIDS: A Zombiebaron Editorial
 The red and the green clouds moved swiftly over the statue of King Fooodup, dissolving all of the bronze, and as the bronze dissolved, the clouds grew bigger. Slowly, Captain Thunder inhaled his Pethefon62 capsule, careful to remain hidden and quiet. Closing his eyes, the captain began the familiar countdown from 62 while mentally mapping out his next moves. This was the moment that Yonderfluff had been waiting for, and now he did not hesitate to unsheathe his ceremonial vorpal flaming dagger +5 and plunge it deep into the unsuspecting captain's evil heart, while screaming, "EVERYONE HAS AIDS!!!!" Finally Yonderfluff had killed the man who had killed him in an alternate universe twelve million years earlier. The harvest on Mars that year was mighty, and Earth's moon exploded. Hey guys! Thanks for reading this except from a new trilogy of non-fiction books that I am currently writing as part of my job. The books are based on the events of World War I. This is an excerpt from last page of the last book. Please let me know what you think of it on my talkpage! At the Village Stocks  Over at Wikipedia they have their very own page to tribute the idiocy of their administrators. It even has a cute template to declare that they are trying to be amusing. We need no cute template and we need no stocks, either, since saying our administrators are foolish would be cause for immediate execution under the 'hedonistic-fascist-aristocratic-regime-that-refuses-to-recognise-my-brilliance' act of 2011. However for this week, we have made a special exception and Lyrithya is going to be the lucky administrator to be on the receiving end, having done something so monumentally stupid that it appears in two UnSignpost stories and takes up the entire "From our logs" section for this week. Normal people, when hearing someone in the pub say, "Wouldn't it be funny if we went to Canada and pretended to be bears for 2 years?" would laugh and imagine how stupid actually doing that would be. Lyrithya is not such a person, and would already have bought a bear costume and be paddling about in Canadian rivers catching Salmon before you could say 'nitwit'. The metaphorical bear costume and river in Canada for this week is VFD, and the hilarious suggestion the deleting of the same. Lyrithya did it, couldn't fix it because of the massive edit history, and would probably still be trying to fix it had Olipro not stepped in and saved the day. What a clot. As a brief footnote, thanks to everyone who took part in the hourly writing competition. The European one has now hit the village dump, so if you weren't able to take part last time, you now have no excuse. |
| ||||||
| UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox | |||||||
~ 10:13, 24 March 2011
Happy Bell-end[edit]
You know you want one. -- Sir Mhaille (talk to me)
This is your UnSignpost speaking[edit]
The Newspaper Not Secretly Controlled By ME, I Swear!
March 31st, 2011 • Issue 114 • Journalism sighted ahead!
|
Farewell
 Everything that has a beginning has an end, with the possible exception of the autobiography of Wayne Rooney; our literary correspondent was unable to complete it after an unfortunate fire rendered the text The sun is now setting on the time of the temporary admins. For the last month, they have all been mucking in with the rest of the administrators and eating other people's biscuits at the weekly cabal meetings and now it is time for them to go. On Friday the bureaucrats will arrive and the mythical user rights log will appear on recent changes for the gratification of the eagle-eyed Uncyclopedian. So how did they do? Sources close to the temporary admins have chosen to move further away because of the smell, so we haven't been able to ask them anything. The occupational hazard of needing to know things has never stopped the relentless march of journalism before, however, and today shall be no exception. Hyperbole, the eternally wronged victim of Uncyclopedia, has been deleting and banning consistently over the last month and has generally been annoyingly useful. Reportedly he has been "asking questions" when he doesn't know something; clearly he is not sysop material. Lyrithya has been the most visible temporary admin, and her screams at the last Cabal meeting as she was punished for deleting VFD were described as "Most invigorating" by Mhaille, who, due to the nature of that quote, has expressed a wish to remain anonymous. Curiously, despite her undiscriminating use of the delete button, Lyrithya seems inordinately keen not to ban users for long periods of time, citing "Feeling sorry for them" as her reason. Clearly she is not sysop material. ChiefjusticeDS is a very delusional man. Sockpuppet of an unregistered user has been a useful admin and, intelligently, has not drawn attention to himself; an ideal candidate for the mantle of sysop. He is, however, from Belgium; make of that what you will. PuppyOnTheRadio doesn't know what a sysop is, but thinks that it would be a splendid way to spend an afternoon, so he has. He has been the least active of the temporary admins and thus is the most obvious candidate for induction to the order. He is Australian, by the way, from Australia. Ask him about his pet Kangaroo, he must have one, he is an Australian from Australia. Olipro was good enough to give his thoughts to the UnSignpost, saying, "And thus, our great experiment in finding out what happens if you rig yourself to a bomb and give the detonator to a pack of monkeys is over." See you next week, hopefully April Fools Day will happen before then and it will be brilliant, because if there is one thing Uncyclopedia is not short of, it is fools.... and days for them to be fools on. Competition Season
 There is something in the air at Uncyclopedia - it's the smell of competition... and cheese. This is the news that over the next month there will be several competitions to encourage creativity and general brilliance from the community. The first of these is the second round of the hourly writing competition, the first round of which ran a couple of weeks ago. Entrants have an hour to write an article and then a further hour is given over to voting to delete or keep those articles. The last round ran very well, with the majority of the articles entered being kept as a result. If you want to take part in the second round then you only need to sign up here... and then turn up on Saturday. The other competition is Zombiebaron's Imagery Extravaganza, a brand new competition surprisingly being run by Zombiebaron. It is very similar to the PLS and will hopefully encourage the creation of plenty of high quality images, which we can then delete and forget about. So if you aren't planning on creating a single new article/image in the next few weeks and throwing it onto the great bonfire of creativity which, as we all know, is burning at the core of Uncyclopedia, then you should definitely think about it. Probably. Unless you don't want to, which is cool, I guess. |
| ||||||
| UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox | |||||||
~
UnBooks:The_Revelations_of_St_John_the_Divine_of_Woking[edit]
Ok as regards the reverts. Having read the article, I think perhaps you don't have to follow Revelations too closely. It is after all a ridiculous book with enough overkill in it that if something like that was written for Uncyclopedia, it would end up on VFD! I liked the set up here and the Motson commentator trying to make sense of what he is watching but I then felt that aspect was somewhat overwhelmed. Perhaps it would work better with an UnScript approach in the middle and perhaps the addition of an 'expert' with Motson (as this is a live game after all). --
- Hi Romartus, thanks for the feedback - as someone whose opinion I value, I'm grateful for unsolicited extra comments! However, I'm hoping to keep it as an UnBook - I did consider making it an UnScript, but I think that would necessitate a different approach, and I want to keep it a monologue, as the original is. I may well look to "Motson up" the second half a bit, but when it comes to not following it too closely I'm not sure what I'd strip out - I've already left out swathes of it, and what's there are the bits I thought lent themselves to parody while keeping a sense of the story (such as it is!) I'll wait for a full review before making any significant changes, but will definitely take your thoughts on board. Cheers! --UU - natter
Terribly creative UnSignpost header[edit]
Because Uncyclopedia is no laughing matter.
April 7th, 2011 • Issue 115 • What news of the Uncyclopedia Holmes?
|
April Fool
 As you would expect, April Fools day is a very important day for Uncyclopedia; since we have devoted so much time to being fools, we are expected to be able to come up with something suitably hilarious for April 1st. However as the evening of March 31st drew to a close and all of you were relaxing in your homes/shelters/kennels and chuckling at the last issue of this splendid periodical, frantic discussions were taking place over the use of the Conservapedia skin that had been created specially for the occasion. Several users found the idea of using the Conservapedia skin to be highly unoriginal, so in the spirit of democracy it was cast to one side and three people decided to apply Wikia's wonderful Monaco skin to the entire wiki. This was an unforgivable abuse of power and position; if you would like to register a protest against such action then please drop into Uncyclopedia HQ where a customer service representative will be able to help you. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the Monaco skin and had lives to lead on April 1st, we dispatched one of our roving reporters to deep behind enemy lines to soak in the atmosphere. He returned and informed us that spending a long time looking at the Wikia skin can cause pre-mature ageing, rectal bleeding and sudden blindness, in that order, if you are one of the lucky ones.* The impact of the skin on Uncyclopedia was sudden and varied massively. Some people got angry, some turned off javascript to escape the pain and some laughed at the people doing the above. The UnSignpost was able to visit Olipro, the mastermind behind the reskin, and find out what he thought its impact had been. "It was a raging success," he enthused from behind the safety glass, "and by "raging" I mean people were going fucking mental." After the interview, we departed Dexter111344's Home for People Who Be Trolling, leaving Olipro sniggering at YouTube videos and receiving occasional electric shocks. We are told this is an essential part of his treatment. The reskin divided the community into those who could turn the reskin off, those who couldn't and those who were just so angry that all they could do is create forums about the consequences for Uncyclopedia and the world in general. The reskin was removed shortly after midnight on April the 2nd, apparently because of AIDS. Happy April fools day; perhaps next year we could just leave the Main Page as it is and then discuss how disgusting it is that we haven't done anything for April fools day. *We worked this out with Science. You don't need to know how. I hate you and your competition
 As part of our commitment to being the worst at absolutely everything, we here at Uncyclopedia have taken a new and interesting course in article writing - a new trend of "hate articles". After the huge success of Fuck ChiefjusticeDS, several other writers have been eager to jump on the bandwagon of its success, with Speaking of originality, a whole host of new competitions seem to be hitting the village dump and the Cabal has expressed some concern as to this trend. It reminds all citizens to abide, and to consider that competitions are like Rats, quite cool when they turn up alone or a couple of times a year, but they will strip the flesh from the bone when hundreds turn up at once. The Cabal would also like to invite you to a seminar next Wednesday as part of the ongoing "Obeying the Cabal" series; this week we are focusing on obeying despite the loss of your parents, siblings and pet hamster. |
| |||||
| UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox | ||||||
~
Pee[edit]
Just read some of your Revelation article - it looks great. I'll do you a review if no one better at that sort of thing comes along soon. I should warn you that I am notoriously shit at that sort of thing, however.--Sog1970 09:43, April 8, 2011 (UTC)
- Sog, considering the esteem in which I hold your work, I'd be thrilled to get a review from you - however "shit" you may consider it. Any honest feedback from yourself would be a big help. --UU - natter
- I too was just making some preliminary notes for a review, but now Socky's gone and nommed it. Ah well, there wasn't much to say anyway, the only gripes I have (if you're interested) are the joke about his balls being itchy and the joke about them being pwned, neither of which seem to fit in my opinion. Instead of the pwn one it would be nice to see something actually related to football (eg. "playing to win"). The ball one can probably just go, unless you can rework it so it's more fitting with the topic. In any case it's a terrific article; gets my vote. --Black Flamingo 18:32, April 9, 2011 (UTC)
What you didn't know about Mario & Luigi[edit]
I tried to change some things according to what you said. Anyway, if you still don't like it enough to go abstain' or better yet for I understand. Thanks. --
The UnSignpost: On-time and on top of things... as always.[edit]
Reading This Is The Mysterious Second Step To Getting Profit From Stealing Childrens' Underwear!
April 14th, 2011 • Issue 116 • These are not the enraged monkeys you're looking for.
|
Sysops, sysops, and more sysops
 It has been over a year since the last VFS, over a year since the last batch of sysops were elected in the tyrannical drama-fest that lies at the heart of the Uncyclopedia powerbase, and now, amidst rampant vote-whoring and election campaigns running wild across the wiki, the voting is once more in full swing. In proper UnSignpost fashion, however, and as part of our continued attempts to avoid overusing self-referential humour and to instead report on something that people may not have already noticed, we have sent reporters into the heart of the storm to investigate these most momentous ongoings. In all of the two minutes it took to skim the scores, it was revealed that people so far seem to really favour Lyrithya and Sockpuppet of an unregistered user, who already have scores of over twenty each, although they both clearly suck. Voting, however, has only been going on for all of a day, following a nomination period that likewise went on for all of a day and yet still somehow managed to result in the entire active userbase being nominated, as well as part of the inactive userbase, a couple of people only active on the IRC channel who in fact didn't even have accounts on the wiki itself until they made some for the occasion, two users who are already admins and one of whom is also a bureaucrat, and a bot... of an admin. This told us two things: Uncyclopedia standards are evidently still at an all-time low, and that our reporters needed to get out of there as soon as possible and adjourn for lunch, and not just because it was meatballs.
 Awards and contests everyone forgot about
As with all months, the usual awards have all already been forgotten about in lieu of more interesting things. So far, they look terribly riveting, with Matt lobster the only real contender for both Uncyclopedian of the Month and Writer of the Month, as well as Lockdandload taking the lead in the Noob of the Month voting, although he's probably just Matt lobster in disguise, now that we think about it. As such, we attempted to sit down with this intriguing user for an interview, but as he never showed up (possibly because we neglected to tell him), he didn't have terribly much to say about the matter. Meantime, all the other awards, including ANotM, PWotM, FP, EGA, PotM, AotM, UGotM, and NOM NOM NOMotm, are all looking kind of neglected. RotM isn't, however. Go support that one guy along with everyone else, if you can be bothered.
|
| |||||
| UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox | ||||||
~