Werewolf
“Sit boy! Sit!”
In mythology, a werewolf is a human who becomes a wolf-like creature that can transition at will between man and wolf forms provided they are experienced. They are less popular than vampires because of their alleged higher intellect. The word "were" is from the Greek word "like" so adding 'wolf' makes the phrase "like a wolf" and that is the origin of the word "werewolf".
The legend[edit]
In the 1st century, mankind had a horror released upon it. A man and his brother were walking through the woods and a large wolf attacked them biting the younger of the two. After the older of the brothers chased off the wolf, they sought shelter in a nearby cave as it grew dark. The younger brother became the origin of what is known today as a "werewolf" through a series of miraculous biochemical events the mechanics of which are so mindbogglingly complex and unlikely that there is no point discussing it further.
The brothers returned home and over the course of a week, the brother began noticing his body changing. He began growing more muscular and more harry. It took more meat to satisfy his hunger, devouring several pounds of flesh at every meal. He angered easily and resorted to violence more frequently by the day. And then the full moon arrived. He transformed for the first time into a wolf man hybrid that was ruled by instinct and bound only to fence posts.
The brothers stayed in the cave a while, and they started to notice that they were changing- the vampire was becoming ill and his senses were getting stronger. His blood cells were dying and he would suffocate if he didn't have fresh blood to aid his breathing. The werewolf started getting bigger and hairier. It took more meat to satisfy his hunger, and since he was so hungry he ate his own vomit and poop, as dogs do. After they grew accustomed to their new selves, and felt they could control they're deadly outbursts, they returned to their village. The werewolf left his home to hunt, and he also left his beloved wife, assuming she would be safe. She was left with his brother, who hadn't fed in days. When the youngest returned he saw his older brother biting his wife. This enraged the werewolf, so he went on an accidental feeding frenzy and among all the corpses lay some who still lived- his army of werewolves. The vampire was alarmed and in an attempt to save himself from his deadly brother he forged his own army. They started the wars that are still going on in 3rd world countries such as Mexico, Afghanistan, Iraq, and Cuba. Some famous werewolves include the incredible hulk and the thing. Famous vampires include Dracula and Lestat. Famous werewolves include Jean Grenier and Jacques Roulet.
Description[edit]
Werewolves usually just look like regular people, which makes it very difficult for one to find/kill them. only when in the presence of a a vampire or prey, do werewolves resort to their true form. Then they ravage about, killing and eating. If you happen to see an incredibly huge human-like wolf storming across your yard at night, do not throw something at it. Just try to find where your dad keeps the silver. Even a spork will work. Though avoid using your mother's prized silverware, since angry mothers are far more terrifying than any hybrid wolf-man.
Werewolves and Love[edit]
Werewolves are completely capable of love, but don't often show it. This is why they're depicted to be angry, ruthless killers but if you mess with a werewolf's girl you will get seriously messed up. Mating can be dangerous as 78% of the mates lose their humanity or their life.
Females[edit]
The females are slightly smaller than the males, but they have a greater temper than the males do. Remember to have your werewolves spayed or neutered as the animal/homeless shelters are packed full of unwanted werewolves and they all go into heat on the full moon. If your're going to buy a were wolf for your kids birthday party, try to adopt one rather going thru an inhumane werewolf mill that breeds them for sale i cramped cages.
Types[edit]
Werewookie[edit]
Similar to a werewolf, but distinctly different for obvious reasons, the Werewookie is an elusive creature. Known for its distinctive wookie call, it is commonly assumed that the transmutation is caused by a retrovirus, stimulated when the infected is incredibly bored. Many believe that it was created during a disastrous franchise overlay in which a Cardassian cruiser collided with the planet Kashyyyk, leaking dilithium radiation and causing a fusion between Wookie chromosomes and Andromeda bacteria. Hated and feared, those infected with the werewookius baccillus bacteria live a nomad's life, ever seeking Dr. Beverly Crusher - their New Hope.
Werewoman[edit]
A werewoman is a woman who becomes a beast for one bone-splitting, comatose-inducing, testicle-crushing week each month. During this month, the werewoman nags anyone nearby, cares excessively about what other people think, and assaults people, taking their shoes because "they're cute."
Wolfwere[edit]
This kind of werewolf is often stupid, as it turns into the most scariest thing in the fool moon (butt), a human being, its skin will look a weird pinky yellow color or a very dark brown beast with barely no hair. During the day wolfweres are wolves, but they are still werewolves. Yet the meaning of war (a.k.a. man as were) and the term wulf (a.k.a. gulf) meant that the wolfwere was a stubborn creature only capable of turning into a human on the fool moon. Atlas, this kind of wolf used to exist in the UK only and died when they were all hunted down, this was because they mustuke them for the hounds of hall owned by Dracula (a drug served when sucking the blood out first). For more information, watch Van Helsing or ask Osama Bin Laden, apparently he used to wear a wolf on his beard. Also, werewolves have a tendency to really like peppermint schnapps.
Wearwolf[edit]
You can get these nasty little baby werewolves on your boots quite easily, it's easy to kill them, just boil your shoe in shoe Polish.
Becoming a Werewolf[edit]
Some people feel that it is enjoyable to spend one's days wandering around in the forest attempting to kill rocks. Here are just a few ways to become one:
Wearing a belt of wolf fur[edit]
Yes, my friends, this is a real way, according to legend, to becoming a wolf. All that you must do is kill one at 12:00 exactly. Easy enough, yes? Hell no it is really ver hard to kill this f'in day and age.
Becoming connected with the wild wolves[edit]
This could work. Make best friends with a wolf from the forest. Some of them may be infected with Lycanthropy, the werewolf disease, and if they bite you and the disease enters your blood stream, then you become one. Available on The Sims 2: Pets.
Playing World of Warcraft[edit]
Playing to much World of Warcraft can affect your inner being and possibly start the transformation into a werewolf. Using team speak is a sure fire way of becoming a werewolf. Also stay away from the Aztec Plains were werewolves are located.
Be pretty and get abducted[edit]
Like most monsters, werewolves such as Jacob Black and his uncle Sirius Black are trying to steal our human women and take them all for themselves, either to take out to a dreamy moonlit dinner of faun and woodland berries or as the main course. High school groundskeepers should thus make sure to place bear traps in the girl's locker room where the scent is strongest. Also known as the Twilight method and Little Red Riding Hood's amber alert.
If You've Found a Werewolf:[edit]
The easiest way to become a werewolf is to find one. If you have already found one, then it's reaction depends. As a general rule, remember that a werewolf will bite you if you do not want to be one. It will probably leave you alone if you attempt to be bitten. Murphey's law, my friends.
The Upside of being a Werewolf[edit]
Well, you can...um...BITE SHIT! And the fact that if someone pisses you off, you can bite him and give them magic rabies.
Werewolves are also known for being extremely strong and agile due to having the proportional strength of a dog the size of a man, kind of like Spider-Man is with radioative spiders, but with magic moon beams and dogs, and only for one night a month. This can be an advantage in many different ways, including the ability to jump on prey from about 80 feet away and be shot full of tranquilizers by animal control. Some werewolves like Wolfman Jack maintain enough of their humanity to press a sequence of buttons and can even howl and scare the shit out of people over the phone and radio.
The Downside of Being a Werewolf[edit]
As fun as it is to be a werewolf, there are a few downers to deal with. For one, during a full moon, werewolves lose control and attack/attempt intercourse with anything that moves, has cheese, and is big enough to eat. Many will have to shave three times a day and get daily haircuts due to their fur regenerating. Few will develop a temper that is worse than the amount of hair that werewolves shed. Also werewolves have unnatural urges to eat chicken bones and all, and can accommodate 10x more bucket meals a day than a regular human. Werewolves also are allergic to Silver[Winner of Biggeest Lie Competition 2001]. Coming into contact with silver will remind them how rude it is to eat your loved ones with their hands instead of from a wine glass like a vampire; thus they will run away in shame from the taunts of high society.
The other lesser known bane of werewolves is creepy clowns, now the apex predator of children wandering through the woods. By applying clown shoes and gloves to cover up their claws, and by using makeup to inhibit the growth of fur, the transformation can be effectively treated. The loud popping from gnawing on balloon animals can also be used for aversion therapy, though avoid exposure to circus elephants as an elephant will fuck up a werewolf any day of the week. Elephants are like bulldozers and wrecking balls and can tear down buildings; when was the last time you saw a werewolf as much as flip a car on it's side? An elephant can take over 50 bullet, silver or otherwise, which is why their are guns specifically designed to kill them; if they can flatten tigers, what's a werewolf really going to do, bench press 15,400 lbs?
Where to Buy a Werewolf[edit]
On a fool moon simply stand outside in a bright pink raincoat. Jump up and down shouting "I want a werewolf cause they're fluffy". An old but very tall and slender man will appear out of nowhere in a puff of smoke and ask you three questions. Question one - Will you feed your mother in law to this werewolf? Question two - Will you use this werewolf to get a girlfriend? Question three - Will you ever get this werewolf wet? (Those of you who have seen gremlins will know what I'm on about.)
As long as you answer those questions right you will get one. If you answer them wrong, mug him in a nice and polite way (he is old and fragile, you wouldn't want to hurt him would you?).
Weaknesses of the Werewolf[edit]
The most common weakness of the werewolf is said to be colloidal silver, because they are allergic to bullshit.