South Korea
| ||||||
| Slogan: This is because of all you. | ||||||
| Anthem: Gangnam Style | ||||||
| Spoken Language | Korean | |||||
| Written Language | 이상한 그림, 한글(Hangul) | |||||
| Capital | 쩔얽(Jjeoreog) (Unified City of Char/Tarsonis/Shakuras) | |||||
| Government | The Overmind | |||||
| President | PSY | |||||
| Emperor | Super Junior | |||||
| Military strength | Terran Marines, Firebat Shock Troops, Vulture Anti-Personnel vehicle, Arclite Siege Tank, other assorted big guns, 30,000,000 stacked photon cannons along the DMZ, Tetris blocks and minichavs imported from britland. | |||||
| Established | Multiple times; 1998 as MDOGRSC, 1953 as PBEPROK, and reputedly in 5000 BC as "Blatant Lies" | |||||
| Currency | Zeny, Minerals and Vespene Gas | |||||
| Religion | Starcraft (스타 Sta) | |||||
South Korea, officially known as Good Korea, is a country rocated in East Asia that shares a border with its northern counterpart, Bad Korea. It is one half of a once-unified state that was divided in 1950 during by the occupation of the north half of the peninsula by the Soviet Union and the south half by the United States. Where the people that inhabit this country are of the same ethnic descent, South Korea is differently structured; for example, it has named itself with much fewer intrinsic lies and loves the Japanese. The country is officially owned by Pepsi-Cola, who market it as 'Japan Lite'.
One of the microscopic countries in the area, it is often at odds with its other close neighbors, including the "People's" "Republic" "of" China. However, while the politics of East Asia is not without conflict, South Korea considers China to be quite like a panda - round, cuddly and it consumes a lot of food.
History
Mythical Beginnings
South Korea traces its history back to 5000 BCE. Regardless, it is said that in Aiur, several Blizzard Entertainment employees from the Terran planet Mar Sara ordained that a common beast of the land would be transformed into human beings. Several candidate animals showed up to the interviews, and only a bear and tiger made it to the secondaries. In a scene reminiscent of Survivor, or perhaps Fear Factor, the two animals were instructed to eat nothing but garlic and onions for the following 100 days. The tiger bowed out early, citing family reasons, but the bear persisted, eventually meeting his quota and "winning" this insane contest. The Blizzard Gods, impressed with the bear's performance, transformed the panda bear into a beautiful she-man, intending to take this abomination as a bride. After what was undoubtedly a vile and horrifying union, a frog-child was born from the rotten ballsack of the bear-guy-THING, and he was called Artosis (당근 Dangeun), ancestor of all Koreans. Chicken is the best meat available after beef in Korea. This creation myth basically knocks the one where a god makes people from clay and ribs into a tin can, so Koreans are satisfied to share it with anyone interested in listening. So sad this country contain bad football referee Kim Jong-Hyeok
-- Professor Hwang Woo Suk, Seoul National University
Ancient Korea
Ancient Korea was made of three warring kingdoms that pretty much all fought amonst themselves and occasionally looked to big daddy China in hopes that it would take their side. These kingdoms were Goguryeo, Silla, and Baekje. Silla was in the southeast and basically kicked ass under the wise but ruthless leadership of the famous woman queen, Xena the Warrior Princess (선덕 Seondeok). Baekje was on the west coast and they were like, "Whatup bro, want a toke?" but then Silla kicked their asses. Goguryeo was huge and they were like, "Damn we're huge. Let's take over part of China. Oh shit! Here comes Xena! Aaah! She's so hot though..." Then there was the Tamna kingdom on what's now Jeju island. They basically hung out at the beach and ate abalone the whole time while the rest of the Koreans killed each other and ate kimchi. Oh yeah, lastly there was the tiny Gaya kingdom down on the southern tip of the peninsula, good friends with a close relationship with Japan. Treehuggers.
Although it sounds brutal, ancient Korea was really a pretty kick-ass place to be. Much of the reason why is that it was the original home of the Ninja Assasin, which later emigrated to Japan because it was a more happening place after Confucianism showed up in Korea. These first Ninja Assasins were called Geomgaek (검객, the name means "sword fighter") and ancient Korea was full of them. (There are reports that this ancient order has recently been revived in North Korea as The Democratic People's Republic of Korea's Mystic Ninja Force, under Grand Master Kim).
The second thing that made ancient Korea pretty sweet were the Kisaeng (기생) women. Kisaeng were kind of like the Geisha of neighboring Japan, but without the goth white face paint. Kisaeng were skilled in the arts and most of Korean culture originated from their poems, dances, paintings and sex. These arts were lost in Korea after the introduction of Confucianism pretty much killed the party scene in Korea.
Modern Korea
Modern Korean history is steeped mostly in golf, videogames, and vehement hatred of the Japanese. The latter is a holdover from the colonial period between 1915-1945, in which Korea (along with Chinar) was subjected to staggering human rights abuses and oppression, colorfully termed the East-Asia Co-Prosperity Sphere (See World War 2). Fortunately, the combined effect of soju breath and Dragon Wars box office flop eventually drove the Japanese from the peninsula. Even though Koreans are a most forgiving and generous people, they will never forgive the Japanese. Today both nations fight over a bunch of shitty small island that neither one wants to live on because its been bombed by the Americans 100s of times and unable to live on.
“We are so proud of being the most racially homogeneous society in the world. (In original Korean text: 대한민국 오천년 역사의 또하나 뛰어난 점은 세계에서도 유래가 없는 단일민족이라는 사실이다)”
In 1950, South Korea was again devastated by a second war, this one started by their North Korean brothers, the Bad Koreans, allied with an alien entity known as Zerg. The Korean War devastated Korea a second time, despite the fact that the war was fought in "Korea" rather than "Korea." Fortunately though, Korea managed to rebuild and industrialize, partially because of a single-minded push for it by the Protoss race and partially due to fear-fueled Terran(mostly Blizzard) paranoia-spending. You could say that Korea lucked out, big time, that these factors didn't totally fuck them over. Korea was reformed in the process by the leader Hochimin...or is it Arcturus Mengsk or Ching Chang Jiang. The Terran Dominion was established in Korea. Later Jim Raynor ruined Terran Dominion and had sex with a zerg, this kinda marked a beginning in Korean civil rights movement by the Zergs.
Today Korea is a total piece of boring, though they'd call thmselves "mole awesome than ze Ameligans and ze Chinisi" thr industried are mostly based off exporting hundreds of MMOs, professional Starcraft players, sissy love stories and golfers annually. To make it simple, South Korea won thanks to their Starcraft strategy of macroing then turtling like fuck.
Korean Citizens
South Koreans are widely recognized as the 137th friendliest people on Earth. Canadians, by most popular accounts, are of course the second most friendly people on Earth. The absolute friendliest people on Earth are a tiny tribe in northeastern Lesotho that was so giving of their possessions and land during the European colonialization period that now they're only left with a tiny country called Lesotho. What else makes Koreans special? Their innate ability to own YOU at starcraft, and supply online games (plots to take over the universe).
Childhood
South Korean children are unique in living in a country that offers all the outdoor wonders a young Child could want and being denied to experience any of them. Instead of playing outside like normal kids, Korean children, when not in school, are kept in special holding cells called hahgwon (학원 or HELL) until they are released at the age of 18 after their spirits have been effectively broken. The purpose of these hagwons is to keep the children seated as long as possible to adjust their skeletal structures to the sitting position. This will make the transition to the children's future career of PC Gamer or Tired Office Worker more effortless. These hagwons effectively hold children from immediately after school until 10 PM, when children are permitted to return home to their parents in order to do their homework. Korean children learn to channel this school-related torment into games of rock, scissors, paper (pronounced 가위 바위 보! Gawi Bawi Bo!) and the historic, but painful Korean artform of Ddongchim (똥침)and the newly born art of sumtting(썸띵 or making you feel dirty by hitting your chin). After their homework is completed, Korean boys are permitted to sleep, and Korean girls are taught by their mothers to cook and clean so that they will be able to attract a mate in later life. Unlike the girls, the boys will only need to get a steady, high-paying job to attract a mate in later life. Besides, boys that do not get enough sleep are likely to embarrass the family by sleeping in class or fighting outside class. The family does not care as much if the girl does not get good grades, as long as she makes good dumplings and kim chi so that she can attract a wealthy man.
Adulthood
After being forced to study nonstop until graduating high school, Koreans look forward to adulthood, which they are given special grants from the government to get plastic surgery. Plastic surgery provides Koreans with the self esteem they never had before. This government program, known as "Open Eyes" or "오펜아이즈" in Korean, started in 2002. This program created a new generation of young adults who end up looking the same. After surgery is complete, men are forced into a 2 year army program where they learn how to play video games and shoot guns. People of both sex are offered to go to universities or study in America, the special country Koreans love to depend on but never admit that they do. From the age of 1, Koreans are hassled by their parents to get married. If they are not married by 18, Korean mothers threaten their children with psychological warfare and usually attempt suicide 3 or 4 times within an unmarried child's life. Korean men are forced to work for pitiful wages that are usually spent for their wives' fine bags, and usually end up driving taxis. However, all is forgotten at the end of the day when Koreans gather together and have a drink of Soju, or piss water plus alcohol for factories, that is usually served with a part of the animal that all the other countries refuse to eat.
Culture
South Korean culture is very diverse. They play video games, sing songs in Karaoke rooms, drink until they start fighting or pass out and vomit on the street, play more video games, fight, drink, and have protests. South Korean food is popular all over the world. South Korea produces food that includes Kimchi and Dumplings. South Koreans basically throw garlic and red grained peppers on everything and give it a name. In the United States, customers pay Korean restaurant to remove Kimchi from their tables. Kimchi removal fees average $10, and is comparable with the average tip the customers leave for the waiter. Customers who do not pay the Kimchi removal fee have the option to request a bucket. The bucket provides a receptacle to manually dispose of the Kimchi from the restaurant table.
South Koreans also love to dance and listen to music, such as K-Pop. Centuries ago, the church discovered that having choirs of young Korean nuns skyrocketed church attendance through their synchronized prostrations and bright, form fitting, neon, nun habits. The power of militant religious orders such as Ace of Angels EXID-ous and Miss Alpeh grew beyond the church’s control, resulting in the great schism of Good Koreans and Bad Koreans. Good Koreans are very religious and believe in Korea, Jesus and some statues; many of them become pastors because they know it is much easier to emigrate the hell out of Korea to any Christian country by opening a church there. They love to open businesses and close them down before they have to pay taxes on them. As you can see, Korean culture is heavily influenced by China.
Economy
South Korea is largely thought to be the most boring country in the world because their currency, the won, has greatest current exchange rate on Earth. It was named "won" because South Korean believe they will always win in starcraft and believe to have won the the Great Battle of Koreans between Korean commies and Japanese but they lost real bad that they put in their textbook that they almost won the war but came down to Pusan because of Chinese panda attack but came up to the 38th line thanks to MacArthur. It is said to be worth much more than Republic Credits of kimchi and Kim Jong-il. South Korea has modelled their economic model after that of their fashion shows, the United States, and powers its industries with large numbers of SCVs (Sexy Chick Vehicle), spawned from massive command centers in East Asia. South Korea has been given the title of "Whorea" because of the prostitution problems in Seoul. South Korea's chief exports are extremist football fans, chobos, international students, pwnage, and some kimchi. Because South Korea lacks basic natural resources like any other Asian countries, it imports wood, technology, petroleum, water, oxygen, Cheetos and some Plutonium in the form of U-238 shells.
Ramen noodles, orphans, community college students, and cheesy soap operas (such as Winter Sonata and it's planned sequel, Spring Sonata) are also important exports. The fate of the South Korean economy depends largely on the Terran Confederate armies' victories over the Zerg and Protoss, in which Koreans acquire vast natural resources such as Minerals and Vespene gas. South Korea's economy is scheduled to grow even further now that human cloning has been invented by South Korean scientists, and drama mega-stars Bae Yong-jun and Choi Ji-woo are scheduled to be cloned.
Edumacation
Korean education is the 2nd best in the world. Koreans start school at the age of 2 months and finish at 35 years. The people who got out from the course are forced to do the whole thing again for the government. The typical school day of an elementary student starts from 5 AM to 4 AM Students study basic subjects such as Math, Science, Korean, English, Social Studies, Kimchi Making, Video Gaming and P.E. History classes are unnecessary because children are taught from an early age that everything and anything that is on this Earth began in Korea and in Social Studies Class they keep learning it. Geography is not taught because it's all about Korea. History class is thus replaced with more important things like discussing hot topics in the world such as why Korea is such a wonderful country and all the cities look the same. Koreans attend cram schools after regular school so their parents can brag to other parents about how smart their kids are. Some children do non-academic activities such as ballet, violin, piano, dance, soccer and taekwondo all in the same day.
Students work very hard because they have to take entrance examinations into Korean universities which are usually ranked at a high level, so high that they won't tell you. This entrance exam is so important that students are literally taken to the test centers on test day via ambluances, because dying people shouldn't have picked test day to die on or seek medical help.
Koreans eat lunch at school, thus the entire school smells like garlic and feet.
Politics & Government
All executive political decisions in Korea are decided by paper, rock, scissors. While Korea is run by a collective military command and the Great Generals' Council, there are numerous political parties all dead set on destroying one another. All compete in the K1 Martial Arts Tournament (국K1) and are trained in thousands of forms of armed and unarmed combat. Legal proceedings, legislative tasks, and other related matters all take place in an octagonal ring bedecked with razor wire and Punji Sticks. Siberian Tigers are used in the case of a deadlock, or re-vote due to executive veto.
Some liberal and rebellious citizens of Korea view these government proceedings as barbaric, and primitive. They express their displeasure for the Administration by throwing rocks at riot cops and blaming President George W. Bush, and Mickey Rourke for all worldly problems. It is estimated that such demonstrators and law enforcement clash 50 times a year - or every Tuesday to be specific. However, those protests are often put down with tear gas, tanks, and Machine Guns. This is in accordance with the Anti-Communism law. Years back, Martial Law was taken to effect by Prime Minister Tassadar in order to suppress "liberal bastards".
However, 98% of Koreans are connected to the Seoul Grid - a network which distributes regular updates to the souls of Koreans. The updates are engineered by a team of good-natured protoss monks at the Xel'naga Temple, and this has been happening for the last 730 years. The monks discovered the secret of immortality 732 years ago, but alas it would only work if no more than 12 protoss knew of the details. Thus they created the Seoul Grid to remove any urge to enter the temple from anyone within Korea - but at the same time they strove to continually improve the souls of their countrymen.
However, due to their self-enforced isolation, the monks find it hard to learn of news from the outside and thus are oblivious to the political climate in Korea. Their improvements are based on estimation and calculation that sometimes results in strange outcomes, for instance the emergence of the "Vote for someone else" party.
Clearly if anyone got control of the temple, they would be able to control all Koreans for their political ends, however this has so far failed to occur. The closest anyone has come was a robotic bomb that was controlled by someone from outside the Seoul Grid, and though it culminated in the Asian Mental Crisis, the grid was back up before the perpetrator managed to reach the temple.
Korean citizens are required by law (according to the Total Security Act for Patriotic Self-Defense and the Articles of Collaboration and Patriotism) to hate Zapan and its people, the scum of the Earth, as they say. This is largely due to World War IV, which no Westerners seem to remember, but all Koreans vividly do. in 1940s Japan had a major victory over Korea in Starcraft, which caused rape, pillage, and overall decimation of Korea (as well as neighboring China, Philippines, Aiur, Char, Korhal and other East/Southeast Asian countries) by the Imperial Japanese Army (headed by Emperor Voltron Hitler), and the ill-conceived Greater East Asian Co-Prosperity Sphere (EACS) are the sources of the hatred. The Zapanese Administration's official stance on the matter: "It wazn't even a bigg deer anyway, you babiez. Fark y'all, ror." Many East Asian countries reacted badly to such remarks; North Korea kidnapped Japanese citizens while China beat up the Zapanese Royal Family's prince. In response to this, South Korea took Japan's money, which primarily arrives in the form of Japanese tourists, who are all completely ignorant and do not understand the irony of taking photos of historical monuments that were rebuilt after incineration by the Imperial Japanese Army(and da Zergs).
After the war of the hill against their "brothas" from the North, South Korea decided to adopt the communist system. After successfully shaving all the eyebrows of each born baby, South Korea decided to become a democrat country just so they could begin a war against their "brothas" and be insulted every time some speaks of communist.
Korean Art
Korean art often depicts re-enactments of online slaughters, where Koreans invade the non-Korean servers (with Terrans!!!!!) and pwn all who are unlucky enough to stand in their way. Korean art is banned in Germany, Japan, and Latin America because of overwhelming representation of fascism and gayass pictures.
Korean artists will consider Blizzard Entertainmentism and Kim Chi as their main inspiration for the sake of Korean art. Thus, they are not your typical copycat. It is known that Korean art is beyond the understanding of a normal human, and is not easily comprehended except for Xel'Nagas and Zergs.
Due to overwhelming request for Korean art and Hentai around the world, a black market has been formed in order to import the artworks in secrecy, which art pieces can cost ranging from five dollars to even ten dollars.
Foreign Relations
South Korea maintains bad relationships with most countries of the world; such as United States of America and UN;except evil countries such as North Korea, Afghanistan, Iraq and Canada. South Korea also claim they are the owner of Asia. The other countries in the Asia either not exist or just rebel from other dimension or have no money but have survived for ages without food. Koreans are infatuated with the English language: approximately 0.7% of the population speak it.
The Republic of Korea and its denizens officially recognize four countries: China, Japan, Africa and America (where Shakepeare came from).
Controversy
Since the end of the Korean War, the American influence in South Korea has resulted in increased levels of Pepsi consumption and circumcision. Although they sometime hate Americans but most of the time, they will love to kiss American ass in any chance or chances. Dokdo is a Korean Island
National Sport
The national sport of South Korea is undoubtedly online gaming; the vast majority of South Koreans enjoy online games in their pastime. In fact, approximately 930 quaziheptazillion (warning: the statistics may not be accurate at all) South Koreans have replied to a recent poll by National Geographic Society that they have played every single online game on the planet Earth and even some from the Earthican Colony of Jupiter.
Kim Chi and Sand Eel Extract is also served at Starcraft Tournaments , often causing diarrhea, explosive farts and game forfeits.
Some of the online games include Starcraft; the "true" national sport, World of Warcraft(WOW), Lineage, Ragnarok, Kart Rider, Air Rider, Special Force and Maplestory. It has been well established that South Korea is the only country in Milky Way to have Online Gaming as the most common cause of death excluding carpal tunnel syndrome.
Out of these Starcraft is the most popular and when Slayers-BoxeR (Lim-yo-hwan) started the pwnage of all people in battle net, Korean sent out bunches of other star chobos, to silence him. This resulted in mass chaos of korean gosus in battle net, resulting in an average Korean to have over 2000 wins gained per day, and this let finding other countries harder to play the game without experiencing total pwnage in the first ten minutes. The fact is South Korea remains the only country that has these games out live, now with additional programs devoted to battlenet, user maps, and even teaching Starcraft through TV.
Many assume that South Koreans are such avid gamers purely because of their fondness for challenges, bizarre creatures, and giving money to Blizzard. In fact, the truth is far more sinister. Having lived in fear of North Korea since the war, the South Korean military leaders decided that they must bolster their military. In 1999 they initiated Operation Pwnage, using a combination of government-sponsored internet cafes and subliminal advertising to introduce universal gaming. The program was a resounding success, and South Korea now has a nation of brilliant tacticians ready to defend the country against any attack.
The plan's only weakness turned out to be technical in nature- despite years of work, the nation's biotechnology industries have yet to breed a rush-ready Zergling.
As already discussed, South Koreans receive regular updates to stay ahead of all other nations in their gaming skills. This is the reason they have been sucking almost all the prize money out of international competitions ever since overcoming the Asian Mental Crisis. Except in rare cases, even superior brains (maybe from the U.S., or Japan) are no match for the better software running on South Korean brains.
In fact, online gaming provides South Korea with an injection of 19.3 fifillion Pwn (the Korean currency) annually. Also, gaming accounts for 238% of South Korea's GDP. However this calculation includes money earned in virtual worlds as well; estimates of the proportion of real money earned through gaming are closer to 93% of Korea's GDP.
Another form of popular entertainment in South Korea is "football" (not "soccer" as some Imperialist, Colonialist, Evil Yankee warmongerers say). It became extremely popular in 2002, when the South Korean football team miraculously made it to the World Cup semifinals. In 2006, when they lost to Switzerland 2-0, an angry mob of Koreans beat 6,000,000 Swiss football fans to death. Which was pretty shit, Koreans then replied to Swiss complaints at the eradication of their entire populace with the message,
FIFA had no choice but to ban Korean IP’s from visiting their website because of the complaining. Also one of the famous sports in Seoul, the Kung-ress-fu
Suicide
When Koreans aren't gaming (online), playing soccer (online), fornicating (online), or making casual encounters with everyday people on the street (online) they are usually throwing themselves off of rooftops at a rate that even the most fervent umbrella-carrying, rain-fearing Hanguk can't help but eventually getting hit with some limb or bodily fluid on the way down while on the way to work. Koreans often show their support and admiration for their favorite megaglomerate corporation by throwing their body form the highest point off a Hyundai, Samsung, LG, KIA, Lotte, or SK apartment building. Workers diligently count the number of splatters on the pavement below every morning, adding a decisive numerical increase to the stock value of the respective company come the opening bell of the KOSPI market.
Koreans enjoy offing themselves starting at a young age. Much like a captain must go down with their vessel, not receiving a perfect score on one's exit exams requires a nose dive off the school gymnasium. Luckily, this tradition keeps university tuition costs and college attendance low, as everyone who did not finish at the top of their class took a razor blade to their wrist, added some Drano with their kimchi jjigae, or took an ankle-weighted stroll into the sea. Of course, should a Korean make it through high school alive, they can quickly find solace through suicide by committing numerous social faux pas: public opened-mouthed kissing, StarCraft incompetence, or being a male without permed hair.
Language
South Korea is a bilingual country, speaking both Korean (한국말 Hangukmal) and Konglish (콩글리쉬).
The writing system used is called "hang cool", as a reflection on how cool Koreans are. Unlike the completely bullshitty and complex characters of the Chinese and Japanese, hang cool makes sense o_O. While these other Asiatic scripts are actually written words as viewed under a kaleidoscope, reading hang cool is pretty easy to read.
Western observers often comment that hang cool looks like "Indian or Elvish"; some linguists suggest that hang cool originated from the written language of the Xel'Naga which was somehow introduced to the Koreans when the Koreans colonized Burger King. Many Koreans say that hang cool is too advanced for them to understand.
Reports also suggest that when the Zerglings arrived in Korea, they taught the Koreans Klingon, to which the kimchis took to very well. After discovering the language of Blizzardian though, they quickly forgot the language of their former Prime Minister Jean-Luc Picard and took to the ancient art of Tae-Kwon-Do. Some philosophers also credit Korea as the land of Harry Potter because the Koreans believe that man came from the moon and babies and train in Hogwarts, but others prefer to believe that they were colonised by V from V for Vendetta, and he was playing Blizzard's StarCraft at the time.
However, there is a huge social movement on banning Korean to replace it with English in South Korea called, Korean Speak-English Movement.
Religion
Over 99% of South Koreans are Blizzard Entertainmentists. The remaining 1% consist of Hippies, Christians, and some other cults that no one gives a shit about; however, every Kimchi believe the land they live is the center not only the earth but also the universe. Everything are moving around the land they are living. Anyone who disagree with this idea will be send to Korea eat Kimchi and Kimchi only for ninety days and then will receive a plastic surgery to look like the first Korea life form, which is the combination of the pandabearguy, Zerg and Kimchi.
There are a group of Blizzard Entertainmentism extremists called Pyein (폐인; 廢人), who spend every moment of their lives as hermits. Because South Korean technology enables people to order food on the Internet, these Blizzard Entertainmentists do not require contacting the outside world. Blizzard Entertainmentists believe they have been put into this world for a reason, and that reason is to worship the Xel'Naga using the most sophisticated method possible; playing Starcraft 24/7. It has been estimated that 1.3 South Korean Blizzard Entertainmentists die every millisecond due to nonstop Starcraft-playing.
Blizzard Entertainmentism was spawned in the late 1990's by the American cult known as Blizzard Entertaiment, originally founded in order to spread knowledge on the Xel'Naga and their great deeds they had done for humans. South Koreans believe that they were created when the Xel'Naga sneezed on a DNA specimen container, which prompted the creation of the first South Korean, Waffle (lit. carrot). In the year 3102, South Korea was freed from the supremely queer asshole named Infested Kerrigan by the exotic dancer and stripper BoA. This began the new age of the BoA dynasty. However, the Korean men were not satisfied with the performance of BoA in bed and decided to kick the empress out of the country and reestablished the horny marine Jim Raynor as their leader. While this political turmoil was taking place, Jessica Alba invaded South Korea with her infinite nude pictures and all the South Korean men went crazy. All the Korean women committed suicide and soon the religion called Albaism spread out in Korea like rapid fire. During this period, BoA was secretly planning her return and practiced having sex with Mr. Kim Jong Il. After deciding that she was good enough for the South Korean men, she came back to the south from the north. When she came back, she found out that Jessica Alba had already turned all South Korean male into homosexuals emos.
Current reports suggest that BoA's comeback may have been delayed until around June 10, 2007, at which time she will place a webcam up her anus and then transmit the image to every major telecast station within Korea's two-mile radius. This, roughly translated from Korean, is known as the Talking Shit Redeeming Process Be, which is actually devised from the Klingon word of similar meaning. This refers to the fact that after Korean males became homosexual (Super Junior) it quickly rose to fame within the country, and the Backstreet Boys became a new poster-boy. When BoA attempts her revenge plot following the TSRPB process, it is believed that South Korea will reveal her as the annoying bitch she is, and officially crucify her on North Korean soil, naming the day a public holiday, 'Dead Snake-Bitch Day'. This will then pave the way for Ham Eun-Jung to become Korea's new high-priest, spreading her religion of Taraism.
South Korean Military
South Korea develops some sophisticated weapons and artilleries; over 97% of the modern war equipment come from none other than the United States of America, and the remaining 3% consist overly spicy Kimchi to throw at the enemy. Some even have a genitalia seeking Kimchi missile.
Natural Defense
South Korea is naturally protected by 50,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 Photon Cannons per square kilometer (they use a stack hack). There are a total of 10 million Missile Turrets along the coast, and many bunkers are present here and there. The national defence is currently in charge of General SlayerS_`BoxeR`and General Jang Min Chul, champion of Shinhan-PC Cafe Starcraft League.
South Korea has invented an advanced weaponry tactic in which pop group Rania will strip naked and initiate a self destruct or their nuclear fusion cells, inducing a 900 kiloton blast.
In 2145, Zapanese rebels raided certain coasts of Korea, destroying 2000 Pylons. It took 2 years and 1 Protoss Probe to reconstruct the damaged Pylons.
Army
The South Korean army is considered one of the most on and off militaries in the continent of Eurasia, excluding some couple of dozens of those from other Asian countries. The South Korean army is passive aggressive in wars , meaning they are trained to not fight. This makes starcraft more popular amongst young South Korean military recruits. Since it is mandatory for all male South Koreans over the age of 14 to join the army, there has been a shortage of male Koreans getting laid. All South Korean soldiers must know the ancient Xel'Naga sign language known as Taekwondo in order to kick Zapanese butts in case of an invasion. One of the hardships South Koreans faced in creating their army was figuring out how to have more than 200 soldiers. Extreme extracter tricking and controlling three races has allowed them up to 800.
The South Korean army consists of approximately 6000+ Confederate Siege Tanks operated by overweight people so whey don't have to fit as much as people in which are all over the country alongside with 3 million Goliaths, 4500 Vultures who are drunk and decided to shave all of their heads, 9 million Redneck Marines/Firebats who are in a nonoperational situation by the abuse of overusing drugs(stimpacks), and 40,000 Medics who somehow don't ever give the soldiers the right medication because all they do are blowjobs. Recent development in Korea's military includes Battlecruisers, Wraiths and Science Vessels which are used to hunt down the North Korean "Ghost" which will soon come down to south and nuke the shit out of South Korea.
It has been rumored that the South Korean army has been training a group of South Koreans capable of using magick. Codenamed "ghosts", these unique individuals are said to be able to conceal themselves for a certain amount of time (until their Psi runs out), lock machines in a force field, and create nuclear bombs out of thin air. This, however, has been dismissed as a complete hoax.
South Korea also had plans to incorporate Hydrask, Mutalisk and Zerglings into their army but without the IQ of the Xel-naga to create an Overmind, Koreans have been unsuccessful at weaponizing these pets.
There is currently no Korean navy, partly because it is against the Xel'Naga Code of Military, which states those worshipping the Xel'Naga must not develop any kinds of sea-based vessels. Another reason is because Koreans do not know how to swim. Most believe in a old Korean superstition that ghosts will haunt them in the water. This developed after the loss of Carriers to Kamikaze some six hundred years ago. So the Korean army has devoted themselves more into Wraiths of mass amounts and anti-aircraft missiles stacked using professional military hacks alongside with 5million goliaths with full upgrades including ballistic missiles that can even reach America. Korea has fought against mushrooms (MapleStory), aliens (Starcraft) and most recently, Orcs/Undeads (Warcraft).
Air Force
The South Korean air force is much stronger than the army. There are over 14 million Amerikans and Koreans in the air force. Who are divided into levels based on their aircraft
Wraith: For n00bs that sucks so much need extra air in their aircraft through masks, tries to act kwel with laser flashing in their eyes but always ends chickening out using their n00bish cloaking system, no controlling at all needed.
Valkyries: a Rookies airplane, they still need more oxygen in the air but were brave enough not to have n00bish cloaking systems, but added more missile turrets since they think they were all gonna die which forced them to start learning how to control their aircraft since they can kill their own teams by splash damage which then a battle cruiser comes out to kill them for acting like a idiot.
Dropships: Now from this level or above you can be called a pro(warning: because of the skill needed to operate dropships or less n00bish airplanes these aircraft can only be maneuvered by Koreans.) This level and on, you are responsible of not only your life but also other Jackasses. To show off these soldiers like to chew gum and wear sunglasses which relatively makes them blind and makes them drop people off at random locations. Also to show that they aren't n00bs anymore, they took out every attacking systems which seems to be the main reason why a lot of them doesn't make it through this level.
Science Vessels: Also for pros only, these bubble-headed ships are responsible for guiding completely stupid soldiers on the ground directly into the path of Lurker spines and Dark Templar blades. Few survive this stage and progress to the top tier, as their Defensive Irradiate Electromagnetic Matrix Pulse is completely useless against enemies.
Battle cruisers: The big cheese, top notch, Da Best, this is a level that only the best of the best (Skilled Koreans which is all of the population except for a African guy who just came claiming himself to be Bob the pilot that was the first and the last to do a "Barrel Roll" while boosting, Shooting, and to whack the controls with a jackhammer at the same time in a wraith.) To show off these people wear special uniforms showing that they had rode a piggybackride on the Battle Cruiser.
A recent statistics showed that South Korea has 10 million American Wraiths, 20 million Valkyries, 40 million Dropships, and 80 Million Battle Cruisers with unknown numbers of science vessels(freaks). A recent bioengineering facility has also enabled South Korea to artificially spawn Mutalists, Scourges, and Overlords using a substance called "Pedos" which is something biological that has been killed twice and is decomposed for at least a thousand years.
Korean Foods
Korean Food mostly consists of rice, kimchi, Mudkip and zerg broodlings. Most Korean foods are named such that they can be used as lyrics in any Little Richard song ("Bi-bim-a-loo-bap dolsot-kim-bap"). As Scottish cuisine is largely based on a series of dares ("Eat a sheep bladder, you say?"), Korean cuisine is mostly based on making the cuisine of their former Japanese overlords so spicy that it becomes inedible and eventually even unrecognizable as food. A Dog Soup (보신탕 Bosintang in Korean) is also a unique Korean cuisine.
- Rice. Well, what do you expect?
- Ketchup. Used liberally as a pizza/pasta sauce and a pastry filling. Also can be drunk.
- Galbi or kalbi It's basically Saram ribs (male or female) fried and sauteed over the dying body of the saram it formerly belonged to. An excellent dish to serve for parties and other social gatherings of Koreans
- Kimchi looks suspiciously like sauerkraut mixed with spicy ketchup. Although one might confuse it with coleslaw that's been left out in the sun too long, it is not meant to be eaten as a side dish. It's a spicy, garlicy fermented cabbage used as a universal condiment to add spice and a strong garlic flavor to any foods (like ice cream or toast) that might have escaped the customary chili pepper gang rape most foods endure before being placed on a Korean table. It is Korea's national food which also explains why Korean food remains purely Korea's national food and hasn't been widely adopted like pizza or Thai food.
- Mana gives plus 20 life points. Normally eaten after a raid on a dwarf mine in WoW.
- Soju is a tangy drink not unlike paint thinner or methylated spirits. It's usually found at children's birthdays, school cafeterias, and in the hands of about every other Korean male. Few brands of soju list their actual alcohol content on the bottle beyond an unspoken promise "there's enough fer ya", however, the usual estimate is around 98% alcohol.
- Cigarettes are a very delicious food of the Koreans. They are consumed with Soju and with other people. Sometimes the butts of the cigarettes are lit for added flavor.
- Zerglings Duh, best eaten while roasted over an open fire. Wings can serve as a crunchy side dish.
- Bibimbap Rice mixed with various stuffs, such as Zergling's heads and Mutalisk's wings. All of them are mixed with red ketchup-like sauce. Some people might have it with delicious dogs. Jeon-Ju Bibimbap, which is considered the best bibimbap in Korea, has rare ultralisk blades
- SamGyeopsal & Sangchoo Korean delicacy often enjoyed by middle income people. Sam Gyeop Sal is actually belly of nerds who protested against Korean's love of Starcraft. Sangchoos are bitter tasting green stuffs that eliminates the lethal poison emitted by samgyeopsal.
- Khaydarin Crystal Although this is a speculation, there are incidents in which Khaydarin Crystals were used as parts of a certain type of sauce, although it is not confirmed if the Koreans were doing it. Some speculate that the Zerg were doing it, others speculate that the Americans were doing it.
The future
Currently Korea is about to face radical changes in the near future with the introduction of Starcraft2. This is believed to be a political move of Korea's government(The Conclave) to force into other countries minds how 'great' Starcraft is and they have taken earth-shaking measures such as improving the graphics in a desperate attempt to get even with there eternal rival Warcraft and the newer Warhammer.
The people of Korea are under shock over such changes and many are against giving the Zerg(')s (bitch) too much power. They fear that the Zergling Party('s bitch) will overthrow The Conclave and rule supreme in Korea with wanna-be dictator (and bitch) Kerrigan (yes she's the Zerg bitch good job!) at it's head. This fear has been shown in a number of ways the most famous being the candle light rallies against the importing of everything American to virtually everything about the damn government.
Meanwhile Korea's religious sect is undergoing rapid reform due to Starcraft2. The fanatic Blizzard Entertainmentists are raving about the greatness of Starcraft and many claim that they have been touched by their God 'Jim Rayner' to deliver the people out of the darkness. The anti-change sectors are busily acting against this and many have collected behind this group called KeSPA all claiming that 'Starcraft is something that our parents gave unto us, we can cut our throats but we will never convert to this thing.' The president is frantically acting to save the country and his newest campaigne is 'Attack Japan 'cause they're trying to steal some damn shitty island again'. The estimated success rate of this campaign is roughly, 0.0001% due to the Korean's unconditional hate of all things Japanese.
See also
| ||||||||||||||
| ||||||||||||||||||||