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Reviews
Bite Me! (2004)
Super Stripper Action!
This movie, although it is independent, it totally awesome! The acting isn't that bad and the plot isn't too shabby either; and OF COURSE being a B-movie, it has to end with a 'the end OR IS IT' kind of ending. I was laughing through this whole movie- I was either laughing at the funny lines, stupid plot, or just making fun of the movie in general. I have got to hand it to them, though, the strippers are HOT! There is a scene, for you faint of heart, where the bartender and a female mobster make out for an extended period of time (though all the making out is done under a sheet, they just 'do it' in front of everyone which is weird but hey- it's a b movie and doesn't have to make sense!) This is a bad movie, but not SOOOO bad you can comfortably make fun of it for its sheer stupidity; it was actually kind of decent for a b movie. I would have to say the worst part is the ending!! I would have LOVED to have seen more of the monster- and what was with that giant spider at the end? That is not really leaving the ending up to chance, it is just not ending the movie entirely. All in all, I would have to say that this isn't the must see of the year, but is is definitely okay to watch as long as you are not in the presence of company that you cannot comfortably view lesbian sex in front of- that is a biggie. Wouldn't want to watch this one in front of Grandma or anything like that. The biggest thing is don't take other people's word for it- see it your self!!! (I would recommend seeing it at least twice for all those b movie lovers out there!- for me, b movies are never good the first time around!!!!)
Rock 'n' Roll High School (1979)
Great film period!
This movie is SOOOO funny!!! The acting is WONDERFUL, the Ramones are sexy, the jokes are subtle, and the plot is just what every high schooler dreams of doing to his/her school. I absolutely loved the soundtrack as well as the carefully placed cynicism. If you like monty python, You will love this film. This movie is a tad bit "grease"esk (without all the annoying songs). The songs that are sung are likable; you might even find yourself singing these songs once the movie is through. This musical ranks number two in musicals to me (second next to the blues brothers). But please, do not think of it as a musical per say; seeing as how the songs are so likable, it is hard to tell a carefully choreographed scene is taking place. I think of this movie as more of a comedy with undertones of romance. You will be reminded of what it was like to be a rebellious teenager; needless to say, you will be reminiscing of your old high school days after seeing this film. Highly recommended for both the family (since it is a very youthful but also for adults since there are many jokes that are funnier with age and experience.
The Covenant (2006)
Not another cliché movie
The plot really doesn't make any sense, the acting is TERRIBLE (though not the worst I have seen), the lines are poorly written, and the only saving quality of this movie is the special effects (which should ordinarily not be the only saving quality in a movie).
Okay, there are some scenes in which I want to point out discrepancies. First of all, these kids are suppose to be in high school and yet one of the main characters has tattoos, while they attend a CATHOLIC school. What is with that? Then, the girls sleep in nighties and in their panties each night. What is with that? What are they gonna have a pillow fight next and start making out, I mean, come on that is so lame, it presents the idea of "Well, we don't have much of a plot, so let's just have sexy characters to make the public not really care either which way if there is a plot or not." Then, the movie never really explains why the kid (the main character, the nice one who ended up with the blonde chick) runs into the truck and is perfectly fine afterward. HOW COME HE DIDN'T DIE? Okay, next I do not recall any scene where these boys took ANY sort of covenant. It only shows their covenant place (A creepy old cathedral-looking basement place) once through out the entire movie.
Second of all, the evil guy ( I don't even remember his name) puts the spell of spiders on the black chick and she goes to the hospital, and when her boyfriend finds out about the spell, he goes out to try to run over the bad guy with his motorcycle (Real smart thinking, right?) Anyway, before he can run the evil character over, his bike flips and he goes smashing down into the pavement and also has to go to the hospital. Well, at the end of the movie, the evil guy dies and the spell is lifted off the black girl, while her boyfriend (the one who gets smashed into the pavement) also gets better. I can understand the girl getting better because she was under a spell and now the person who cast the spell is dead, so the spell is nullified (right?) But I cannot understand why the guy who actually physically crashed his bike and smashed his head into the pavement got better also. That makes no sense.
THE MOVIE WAS TERRIBLE!!! SPEND YOUR MONEY ON SOMETHING ELSE, I BEG YOU!!!!
Stella Street (2004)
wonderfully done
This movie is a great comedy of the life of super-stars that move to a rural area of London, where their lives take many strange turns. The rumor is quite mellow. There are no "in your face" jokes like Americans consider comedy. This is more along the lines of subtle humor, more British I would say. The characters are ALL over-dramatized, in which I am sure the director intentionally did. Each character is acted in such a way that a person watching this movie can tell the director takes a part of the actual actor and accentuates it incredibly. (For instance, if you are a David Bowie fan, you will notice he sings almost every one of his lines.) I loved this movie and have watched it several times, though I admit, this movie is not for everyone, but it is very worth renting.
Skinned Alive (1990)
GREAT B-MOVIE; so bad it's good
In b-movie terms, this one is one of the best ones out there. I immediately was drawn to this movie when the front cover showed unnecessary nudity (a b-movie antic, I guess the producers decide that " let's just add a bunch of nudity to make up for the plot and acting's short-comings.") Anyway, upon looking at the back of the movie, I knew I had landed a great b-movie. The plot is so incredibly poor it makes me cringe, let me sum it up for you: A poor group of travelers go around killing people and using their skins to sell like authentic hides from cows or deer or something. The acting is so incredibly cheesy and the "Special effects" (blood, make-up and props) and terrible too. Now the reason I say this is a good b-movie is because it is so incredibly stupid that it is funny. I was laughing in hysterics upon the second time watching this movie. What you need to do, in watching this movie is watch it by yourself, (which you will more than likely find this movie stupid and repulsive) but then watch it again. You will get to pick up on the numerous plot-holes and parts of the movie that are just so cheesy you can do nothing but laugh. Don't be afraid to stop the movie, rewind it, and make fun of things in specifics also, like when the old man walks into his basement and finds a piece of skin lying on the floor (which is most obviously bologna) and other stuff like that. Have fun with it, it's worth it!
Jerkbeast (2005)
Frikin' great!
This is one of the greatest movies I have seen in the longest time!!! The plot is not so original, I mean, three guys getting together to form a band isn't uncommon or unheard of, but what happens through-out the course of this movie is where the excellence comes into play. This film is reserved only for those of a blackened humor and maybe those who have a despairing soul. Any person who likes "normal" humor might find the movie offensive, racist, sexist, perverted, and even destructive to the human soul; all these elements together made me fall in love with this movie. The movie really doesn't attempt to make any astounding messages to the viewer, other than the obvious message of "don't eat paint", and the movie ends somewhat near to where it began,, but I assure you, it is fully worth the time you spent watching this movie. "Sex, rabbits, and necrophilia" Baby!!
Portal: The Movie (2003)
Hilarious
I saw this short a few years ago at the San Antonio Film Fest. Most of the movies were not that great but this short, and a few other films, made the time I wasted watching the other garbage suddenly all seem meaningful. This movie is definitely not for those who do not enjoy some good crude humor (not any of the sexual nature, but more of the toilet nature). This movie is such a well though-out, clever movie. I think this is one of the best short films I have ever seen. If you have not seen this short, please try to get it. Even if you are not into the odd humor, it is so creative, and so original that one absolutely has to appreciate this film for that, at the very least.