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Prom Night (1980)
Slipped My Disco...
Hot on the heels of the myriad of other assorted clone slashers of the 80s and fresh from Canada, Prom Night tries very hard to please and pretty much succeeds, via Disco Movie, Prom Date Movie and Who's Klling The Kids Movie. Murky, overcast and filmed through pantyhose, Prom Night really isn't very good to be honest and at times can't really work out what sort of movie it wants to be, however this just adds to the charm of what we all went in droves to see some 44 years ago. Lee Curtis sheds her moping good girl blues and becomes the free spirited Disco Queen she always was along with the Queen Bee, Confused Virgin, Good Jock, Bad Jock and other stereotypes you just might have seen before in other pictures. The murders were brief and not overly graphic by the time the whole thing came off the cutting room floor making one wonder if somewhere down the track we'll get the director's cut uncut to immediately rush out and spend our money on.
Hellraiser (2022)
Riley's Big Supernatural Adventure...
Remember the audacity of the original Hellraiser when released back when, a cold, unrelenting almost pornographic styled shocker that knew not to hold back, spreading it's steely claws out to stunn an unsuspecting audience. This remake is basically the same, except that it's watered down with sweet syrup, coated with jam fondant and soft icing sugar and strewn with fluffy pink marshmallows. An aspiring ex-junkie and one of the most obnoxious characters you're likely to see this year in any movie charges around ineffectively to find her equally obnoxious gay brother after a rather sinister automatic Rubiks Cube starts doing the rounds. Don't get me wrong, horror remake cash grabs are ok but seldomly do their makers know what they're doing or trying to emulate. Lots of squelching and prolonged agony ensues courtesy of the new revamped Cenobites who make rare guest appearances throughout, hissing softly and looking suitably bored. This new Hellraiser, fashionably filmed in murky black Tekno Scope due to its maker's low confidence in their product goes on auto pilot straight from the beginning and eventually dies screaming. A. A. A. C. (avoid at all costs)
Immaculate (2024)
Kill it...
Borrowing freely from The Nun films and Rosemary's Baby, Immaculate is solid enough to pass the time and hold one's interest. Although it wallows in darkness for a few patches, the bulk of the film is well enough lit to avoid disappointment. After discovering the convent in Italy is not all it's cracked up to be, our young devout heroine turns the tables quite splendidly and it's not long before she's bashing evil Mother Superiors to death and fending for herself. It's a good ride and I feel they really could have done so much more with the ending but overall it's a positive. Horror fans should be satisfied.
Tourist Trap (1979)
Dummies On Parade..
The bastard offspring of Texas C. M. - Tourist Trap plucks another group of unsuspecting youngsters and plants them square in redneck country where alas, a demented, wig wearing psychopath is in residence. Tourist Trap went straight to video in this country I believe and unfortunately drew dwindling box office in the U. S. due to a bungling with its classification. It's slow and dawdling and has dated but its not without its charm and rewards. The mannequins or human mannequins were spooky enough in it's day and the whole thing has rather gothic underpinnings that make up for the sloppy pacing. It came out in the golden era of fright fare and rightfully earns it's cult badge with a final ending scene that's as ingenious and macabre as anything you're likely to remember. This particular scene is enough to make one want to stand up and applaud - if only the rest of it had been this assured and forceful.
The Woman King (2022)
Gone with the..Oyo
This is a movie that's desperate to be liked. Amidst all the swashbuckling, dagger thrusts, pelvic thrusts, housewives of Dahomey and emotional manipulation of the large scale Hollywood epic, there's a heart beating softly, hoping to be discovered. The performances are spot on, they carry the weight of a movie that otherwise would have been heavy baggage. We should also applaude the fact that this film is about women and loves women, possibly the most integral reason to respect The Woman King. Its all well worth it and I like it. (More Characters More Characters More Characters More Characters)
The Swimmer (1968)
Treading Water...
One of the greatest gifts of cinema is realising you still haven't seen some of the more important films of our time, until by chance they just happen along. A true 'lost' film if ever there was one, as a cinephile, or so I like to think of myself, I came to find I had never ever even heard of this film, its title or its existence until quite recently. Quite a feat. Upon discovering such gems as this, one positively radiates. Truly. Like a couple of other 60's masterpieces ('Who's Afraid Of' and 'They Shoot Horses') that delved into the hopelessness of existence and of lives gone terribly wrong, The Swimmer is easily as strong a contender status wise. Its sad and scathing depiction of a man who's not everything we initially believe him to be will affect everyone differently. For some, it may prove a bitter pill as we journey along with him. Burt Lancaster as a performer has normally been in a neutral place in cinema for me but this film and his character has basically changed history for me. Another feat. You must see this film, it's truly a lost and abandoned treasure.
Marcel the Shell with Shoes On (2021)
Sweet Pain...
Marcel is always slightly out of breath and sees beauty in everything. Talks in cliques like an annoying 12 year old girl and face it, he's a crashing bore. Coy and bordering on the obnoxious, Marcel and his movie has a few cute concepts bouncing around in it but the the majority of the time I just wanted to put my foot on him. Crack... What's more challenging to fathom is the ballyhoo and the number of internet viewers that are so desperate to grasp any sort of thing like this and worship at its alter. Marcel's alter ego is an equally dreary helmsman, also incapable of making his relationships work. This movie is just so well intentioned and so wanting to please that you feel like you need to make a donation towards it. Meanwhile the rest of the world burns....
The Lost City (2022)
Run Through The Jungle...
Its a film within a film, which might make you think you're onto something with some degree of artistic merit. Sorry. Maybe artistry such as those paintings of people with the big droopy eyes. Its a vanity film within a schlocky adventure yarn with its fingers in many, many past pies. Sandra gets her glittery garb all torn, enduring all sorts of torturous upheavals but still looks fabulous. Channing gets to go nude and do a cute, dumb routine and Bradley obviously wrote his own script. Daniel's just Daniel. And be assured, every line is a zinger. Tailor made for your enjoyment. Its sweet and sassy, so much so that you might start feeling queasy after awhile. If you're not too discerning, you'll love it. What's not to love about Hollywood megastars having a ball doing what they do and being paid millions of dollars for it. The goat worked for free...stole the show actually.
A Clockwork Orange (1971)
Sax And Violins....
Watching A Clockwork Orange yet again after an interval of 20 or so years has met with yet another different analysis and appreciation of the film (of sorts). Its magnificent to look at visually and stylistically, even more so on this viewing, of that there was never any doubt, Kubrick being the craftsman he was. His interpretion of the novel and in filming it does however differ. The philosophical dilemma of moral choice is handled efficiently but through such a turgid filter of ugliness and constant pain that one has to question the director's true motives at the time and wonder if perhaps he reaped what he sowed in the emerging cinema of permissiveness, sex and violence. The monster he unleashed in 1971 was certainly to plague his later life with the same bad vibes that his anti-hero Alex suffered in the second half of the picture. Some claim ACO a masterpiece, I would say more a 'piece' ,undoubtedly an important film in the canon of cinema with many memorable and breathtaking sequences and images to savour. However, even after repeated viewings over the years, one such as myself find I simply can't get the bad taste out of my mouth after watching. Its a complex and dastardly beast to be sure and its lurid and polluted vision of the future might be seen as an exercise in cinematic exploitation by some or a prophetic vision of what was to become. I'm no major fan of the film its true and I can't stop talking about it!
The Name of the Rose (1986)
Rotting Geraniums
Ever watch a movie so dreary and mind numbingly boring that you find yourself willing and wanting it to end for virtually its entire length? Here is that movie. Its so totally uninvolving and uninteresting no matter how patient one might be or how hard you scour for some form of merit. Connery, miscast, trudges along making unending Holmes style deductions, his young nemesis Slater is reduced to uttering 'Master' the entire film and loses his virginity to an oversexed tart from the local leper colony. Meanwhile, pasty faced monks are being knocked off and found upside down, drowned in huge vats of claret. Eventually we find out why.... Its an uninspired, grey and horrible film with the result of leaving one feeling listless and detached at its fiery finale.
The Amusement Park (1975)
Mortality's A Drag...
George Romero takes us into the Amusement Park of life, in this case in particular, old age. Predictably we discover that its not all gaiety and all the fun of the fair but rather a sobering and at times harrowing indictment on the plight of the aged population in society. While at times moralising and at other times unmistakably a Romero film in its horror outing leanings, the thing I found most predominantly coming through to the surface in this lost 1973 film is the director's heart of gold. Yes, it was made partly as an educational offering but it has Romero stamped all over it and reminds us, well me anyway, that in spite of the rather 'colourful' nature of Romero's own self made genre, he must have been a most wonderful man if the underlying emotions firing this film are any indication. People have said they found this film disturbing and I have a sure feeling that these particular spectators are of a younger age. Myself, belonging now to an older age bracket, instead find it incredibly wise. Of course watching its protagonist stagger through the park, on a limited income, being ridiculed, beaten, and even having the clergy close their pearly gates on him, you can't help but realise that the film was perhaps just too accurate and ahead of its time for the people who originally requested that it be made. Its a potent and important film that finally saw the light of day nearly fifty years after its making. Bravo George...
M3GAN (2022)
Bad Dolly...
M3gan is basically a funny/scary movie for kids and young teens. For anyone else, particularly the horror movie aficionado, you will probably be howling at what this film 'could have been' done right. Instead, M3gan plays it safe and despite its polish and all round proficiency, it may induce mere yawns from anyone else. Still, its a numbers game in the movie business, its not really about making a film the way one would like, rather more procuring a target and intended audience and then catering to them accordingly. When you think of it, the movie's as blatant a rip off of Child's Play as is, in fem form but in this instance, M3gan is a little bit too well mannered and spoken for my tastes.
Sorry, Wrong Number (1948)
Telephone Explosion...
Two dames haggle over the one man, who happens to be a letch and from the wrong side of town. The rich one marries him and cleverly manipulates him with the aid of her rich father. Being a neurotic hypochondriac doesn't help her situation when he begins plans to knock her off for insurance money. Here's a film that must have seemed dated the day after it was released with Stanwyck phoning in (sorry) a performance she was actually nominated for. Phones ring
incessantly for the entire duration of the flick which will either leave you numb or with a ringing headache (sorry). Barbara lolls around in bed the whole time, unable to save herself, with immaculate hair and make up, jewellry by Ruser. There is mild suspense towards the end as the plot unravels but to watch it now in this day and age, its merely a tired old pot boiler.
Journey Among Women (1977)
Forgotten Overlooked Australian Gem..
In the 70s, there was a bit of an obsession with the new permissiveness in cinema and the revelation of nudity, evidenced by such schlocky pictures like Alvin Purple, Libido and Barry Mckenzie and whilst Journey Amoung Women inadvertently was relegated to that genre due to its full frontal nudity, it however is a film with form, substance and most importantly, even disregarding the basic penal storyline, is a celebration of women. Its lyrical, beautifully photographed but primitive to look at and must be considered a milestone of Australian cinema. Think of what English punk band The Slits would carve out of creating a civilisation for themselves and you get the picture. A liberating and essential time capsule.
Happy Birthday to Me (1981)
An Unhappy Birthday...
In the exploitation hungry 80's, Happy Birthday To Me was launched to become the next big thing in Slasher Movies. It didn't have a hope...instead, it became something better and far superior. Yes, the poster (one of the most outlandish and iconic images of cinematic horror was of someone who wasn't even in the film but then ask yourself, do you really think the actor in question would want his own image to go down in celluloid history as the fellow gaping in horror at a certain rogue shish-kebab? J. Lee Thompson, probably not well versed with the then current slasher trend, unwittingly made a superb, teenage whodunnit. Its classy, well acted, beautifully photographed and scored and full of nostalgic humour, even back in '81. It struck a chord with me and many others who might have initially been disappointed on first viewing, given what it had been marketed as. However though, on repeated viewings, it was to be seen as a curiosity, then something quite unique and now it is of legendary status, I feel anyway. Although no movie could ever have done justice to the advertising campaign and with the kills typically trimmed and censored down at the time , Happy Birthday To Me does have its own sense of overwhelming dread, nastiness and tragedy. The finale is true Gothic and whilst far fetched it all makes perfect sense. It was all too much work for many and while the film might have made its money back, people were begrudging of it. If Hitchcock had made the same film 30 or 40 years earlier, no doubt it would have been considered a masterclass of genius. Happy Birthday To Me, the true black sheep of the 80s horror fad - its still a great experience revisiting this strange, surrealistic shocker 40 years on.
Terrifier (2016)
Bash Your Face...
I laughed all through Terrifier, which is a good thing. To the contrary, one of the most important ingredients to an effective horror/slasher film is a sense of humour. That way we can all bask in our guilty pleasures. Slashers and horrors without humour can more often than not be merely depressing, unpleasant and leave one feeling definitely guilty but without the pleasure. There is a fine line. Terrifier comes through strongly on all counts. It knows what it is, what its origins are and pays homage to many past iconic horrors and quirks. The humour and gags are diabolical, the kills are messy and jaw dropping but still given this, half the time one doesn't know whether to laugh or cry at what's up on the screen. It may be and look low budget but this works to its favour as we become stranded in its desolate, twilight mis en scene. Its a movie for smart aficionados who like to be manipulated and only becomes slightly rickety during the final scenes where the connection between Art and another character seems blurred and dislocated. What and who is Art, anyway...? So many questions that may well be answered in a coming sequel...
A Quiet Place Part II (2020)
Coming Attractions...
Sequels of the Franchise can never usually better the original. Sure, they're Cash Cows but as long as they don't disgrace the original product or become mere clones, its all good I guess. This number 2 entry isn't as good as the first. The characters have less to do and plod around being miserable until the young ones finally ignite a spark. Its more their movie. Its bigger, more sophisticated and has had more money thrown at it budget wise (rarely a good sign), babies never cry in it, and people don't eat, they just have rad, hair-raising adventures instead. The monsters look like something from Plants vs Zombies (still look good) and women will never be safe or empowered against men, now, or even once the apocalypse hits (or so it's implied). I just found much lacking with this - it reminded me of a big scale deja-vu episode of a Walking Dead series. The third installment will no doubt be an improvement. Mmm....
Chill (2007)
Handbook For The Recently Deceased...
Well...there's this hunk who has a navy and green beanie surgically affixed to his head for most of the film and Miss Lonelyhearts in the shop across the way, of whom men are her only means of survival. A second rate tryout for The Seventh Seal remake is in the deep freeze and....oh yes, a thing with a hook has a penchant for chasing hot-panted hookers around the curiously empty streets of LA (is it LA?), while their tricks can only look up with sorrowful eyes that seem to say 'kill me kill me'. A horny cop makes a nuisance of himself and belittles women at every opportunity. Typical, but Bad Lieutenant he 'ain't. If you want to see a pretty bad movie, then you owe it to yourself to see this one. Others like myself may well fall under its silly spell and find the whole enterprise quite sweet and likeable - how else could you critique it? Besides, stay the course and you'll be treated to an admittedly unexpected third and final act. Bizarre...
Ishtar (1987)
Ish Gate....
Here's a dopey outing where if the two main stars were uncertain at the commencement of production, then by the end, they are both obviously mugging it for all they're worth. Who can blame them. As a wish-fullfillment story it fails. As a buddy movie it fails. As a comedy, when the camel elicits the most laughs, you know something is amiss. Can I claim Director May to be the brunt of all further jokes and criticism? No, because I just don't know enough about her and plus I 'still' have not caught up with 70s staple The Heartbreak Kid or A New Leaf, etc to make such comparisons or judgements. I actually feel sympathy for her and other Hollywood mavericks whose egos may be well intact but whose visions fall short and thus are torn asunder by the fickle world of Hollywood, its critics and yes the general public. Sure Ishtar isnt a good film, but I know that others like myself continue to seek out all of these landmark turkeys and megaflops over time all the same. I want to see these films so I can form my own opinion but still be entertained in a strange way. Every film you watch can't be a stunning success, its part of being a film student I guess. Some projects are meant to be while others are just not. Ishtar's worse vice even in 1985 was to ridicule the Arab people and in particular their dialect and language as demonstrated in one crucial scene of the movie. Which further begs the question - who looks more silly, another particular race of people or the Americans, who have the licence to make a pretty average movie costing $50 million, only to see it return $14 million in revenue..?
Grave (2016)
Little Metal Teeth..
Surely this was intended as a horror-comedy, or were the laughs I derived not an intention of the makers of Raw? I mean, seriously...On media the film's all dressed up as strictly a straight up horror or 'Body Horror' as they like to call them. Did they get it wrong in some huge miscarriage of purpose or am I just solely intent on making fun of this movie? You see, there's this Veterinary College which doubles as an insane asylum where two sisters are reunited to learn their trade. Like the strict vegetarian she is, the younger develops a taste for raw flesh during a hazing stunt and eventually becomes a dirty girl vixen at the dorm discos which swing late into each morning just before class. Her sister however, even more perplexing, has the annoying habit of throwing herself in front of local vehicles to cause bloody road accidents by which to satiate herself. Their pansy room mate, played by a rugged, no doubt heterosexual actor, after one mere blow job and twenty years of a 'given' sexuality, simply shrugs it off and has rough sex with the vampire. Eventually the older sister gets a right case of the munchies for him and winds up in the clink. The homosexual in film always gets what's coming to him. Coming of age metaphors abound but Daddy has even more drastic news however... Ok sure, points for the look of the thing, some flashes of style and I liked the music. Oh its French too isn't it? In fact I quite liked watching Raw, I certainly wasn't bored but I still have this nagging feeling I enjoyed it for all the wrong reasons...
West Side Story (2021)
You Cant Talk To Her..
Spielberg's adaptation of WSS is just that and nothing more. Its flashy, updated and peopled by new stars, some miscast and some queer.. (why have we allowed the the word 'queer' as currently acceptable to define our sexuality..? If it even needs to be defined as such or bankrolled in 2022?) Topically, WSS comes across now as a fairly accurate depiction and warning of the perils of toxic masculinity, not so much bigotry as with the first film. The role of the women has remained antiquated as it was in the 60s. Its still a thrilling concept and the songs are legendary, a staple in the Musical genre but just how much can you improve upon a classical original?
A Letter to Three Wives (1949)
People With Too Much Time On Their Hands..
Stuffy, old fashioned and dated to the point where its virtually unwatchable, this saga of three high society dames spending an impeccable afternoon out but agonising over which of their husbands has possibly taken off with a mystery woman that the picture is devoted to might have been fresh back then but is now stale and boring. In between they go to parties, drink martinis, dress exquisitely and also have the obligatory black servant. This film turned me off with its trivialities and fake pomp. It thinks its sophisticated but the plot really revolves around nothing, nothing but stuffed shirts. Someone may also be kind enough sometime to explain the ending for me...? Like how it was resolved? I'm none the wiser and still shaking my head, perhaps I'm just not sophisticated enough for this type of fodder...
Town & Country (2001)
Don't Think You're Funny...
Town And Country is brim full of snobbery. Its about rich affluent couples making fools of themselves. Are the cast actually playing themselves in real life? Who knows, but that stands as probably the most damning element of this film. How many mansions could one have bought for what it cost to make this film? How many mouths could it have fed? Town And Country easily bought its own way into the Hollywood 'name and blame' game before it even reached the screens. I laughed a couple of times, I smiled whilst watching it, but only out of amusement at how much the film was lacking. Its a flat and hollow experience. The stars of course probably did their best but the whole enterprise was just too creaky and 'weird' to substantiate their efforts. It strived for outrageousness but attained stupidity. It strived for humble pathos but stayed in the shallows. Everything it grabbed for was lost for the mundanity - this film, whilst it did mildly entertain me for 100 minutes, alas made me feel and register nothing. It was just actors picking up a pay check and a few lovable antics. Whatever approbation I surrender here was surely only out of curiosity. The same goes for any renowned bad movies I seek out, that require viewing just to see just how bad. They can't all be masterworks you know.
The Last Airbender (2010)
Fanciful Notions..
You can almost hear the parents of the young cast after the release of this movie.."well dear, its really time you thought about what you'd like to do at college" Especially the young girl from the final scene of this film, all poised to work her evil magic upon the Worlds but unfortunately having had the limelight stolen from underneath her when this particular world decided they hated The Last Airbender with a vengeange. Hollywood has this habit you see of trundling along and sitting on well known and respected properties and throwing millions upon millions of dollars to throw them back on the screen in full blown franchise formula but sometimes they just dont quite manage to connect with the original material. I'm no devotee of the original product(s) here,so I can't really be in authority to criticise too much but The Last Airbender comes across as a pretty dull and ponderous film. Cut away all the CGI and effects and what you have is a rather sweet children's pantomime ala The Never Ending Story and every other film bearing mystical lands with superhuman characters and wacky furry behemoths. I found it mildly entertaining but only in the way I also find very expensive, flashy television commercials somewhat sporadically curious. I assume like A Series Of Unfortunate Events, another dismal attempt to capture the blithe, somewhat self-mocking spirit of the books in question, The Last Airbender is just another product, designed to try to cash in on what only readers and other fans probably ever knew and felt the true value and magic of. Some things have to be felt and treasured and understood to be translated onto celluloid if they absolutely must be, otherwise the results are fodder to be sneered at.
Gräns (2018)
Staring at a disadvantage...
A customs agent who is dowdy,insular, grotesque to the standard eye but gifted meets a similar stranger who has alluring properties and seems to know more about them than they do themselves. In short, one Troll meets another. One has been adopted into society, the other a free spirit but vengeful and destructive. No more spoilers. You might think this tells you all you need to know about a Troll movie but as with another Swedish enterprise of the Fantasy genre, its tight, well spun, worldly and supremely entertaining. On a second viewing, its virtues are even more attractive.