- Bo Burnham: They say, if you want to know what a girl is going to look like, look at her mother, ya know. So I am so glad that I broke up with her, cuz uh, she would been uh, you know... dead.
- Audience: [yells out from audience] I want your baby!
- Bo Burnham: I'm keeping them.
- [first lines]
- Bo Burnham: When I saw "Hey", you say "Ho".
- Bo Burnham: [points to audience] Hey!
- Audience: [in unison] Ho!
- Bo Burnham: [points to audience] Hey!
- Audience: [in unison] Ho!
- Bo Burnham: That's basically how Hitler rose to power.
- Bo Burnham: For every dollar that a man makes, a woman makes 70 cents. That doesn't make sense. That's not fair, the man's only left with 30.
- Bo Burnham: My friend is black, but I don't know what to call him. So I just call him... "what up Jamal".
- Bo Burnham: Even though his name is Steve.