Quận Cam (2002)
Jack Black: Lance Brumder
Photos
Quotes
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Firefighter : What's your name?
Lance : Uh, Joe... John... uh, Joe-John.
Firefighter : Your name's Joe-John?
Lance : John-ston, Johnston. Joe.
Firefighter : You wanna tell me what happened here?
Lance : Uh, there was a fire, I dunno, I came by and it's... checkin out the fire.
Firefighter : Well that lady uh, Mona? She said that you two were in the building together when the fire started.
Lance : Yeah, she's a liar, cuz I dunno her so whatever, whatever she says is a lie, so...
Firefighter : K, so you're saying you weren't in the building with that woman?
Lance : No, not I! Aright, she started it, aright? Because she was like "I hate my job, I'm gonna burn this mother down!" And I said "You better not... you better not!"
Firefighter : She said it was an electrical fire.
Lance : It was. It was a total electrical fire, it was like uh, the switches had sparks comin out, and the sockets, and uh it was like the 4th of July, man!
Firefighter : Why aren't you wearing your pants, Joe?
Lance : I tripped, and uh then I had to take 'em off to run faster out of the flames...
[coughing]
Lance : I think I inhaled some smoke, will you excuse me one second, I'll be right back.
[runs away in the background]
Firefighter : [into walkie talkie] We got a sprinter. Five foot five, no pants, unkempt... portly.
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Lance : Do you want me to get naked and start the revolution?
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Lance : Dude, I never went to college and check me out. I'm kick ass!
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Shaun : Dude... dude... dude!
[Lance stops vaccuming]
Shaun : Where are Bob's pain pills?
Lance : Here!
Shaun : No, this is Excedrin!
Lance : It's a decoy... I put all my stash in bottles... yellow are painkillers, they go in the Excedrin!
Shaun : Listen to me, I need Bob's pain pills!
Lance : Bob doesn't have any pain pills.
Shaun : Yes he does!
Lance : Not anymore, I sold them.
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Lance : You banged mom?
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Lance : [Stripped down to his underwear] Shaun. Shaun...
Lance : Shaun. It's so psychedelic. Buddy, I light one match, and the building blows up.
[Giggles deviously, while Shaun looks slightly horrified]
Lance : Well, I was just tryin' to help you, bro.
Shaun : [Incredulous] By lighting the building on fire?
Lance : Well, I was high...
Shaun : You're *always* high! Y-you're a drugged out loser. You think you're gonna' create a T-shirt company? You can't even dress yourSELF!
Lance : [Deflated] Harsh.
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[Lance has discovered that Shaun can't get into Stanford]
Lance : You should sue, man. This isn't right. Sue the school.
Shaun : Shut up, Lance.
Lance : Or you know what? Just go to Stanford anyway. Go there and take the classes. Don't take "no" for an answer. Just say, "I'm goin' here. Kiss my ass."
Shaun : That's actually a good idea!
Lance : What is?
Shaun : I should! I should go up to Stanford! If I talk with the dean of admissions face to face, and tell him my situation, - he's gotta let me in.
Lance : I can get you there in three hours.