- Sylvia Hollamby: Do I look like I was born yesterday?
- Yvonne Atkins: Not unless you age at the speed of light.
- Helen Stewart: You had no right taking advantage of me.
- Nikki Wade: Well put me down the block then. Go on... Rule 47, subsection 16, being disrespectful to the wing governor - by kissing her.
- Yvonne Atkins: I wouldn't trust that little psycho with my toe nail clippings. Would you, Babs?
- Barbara Hunt: Probably not.
- Denny Blood: Oi, posh bitch. Is "arseholes" all one word?
- Monica Lindsey: No, it's hyphenated. As in "arse-licker"
- Shaz Wiley: What?
- Karen Betts: Oh, I don't know... How 'bout the truth?
- Shaz Wiley: All right, your career's gone down the bog and your hair looks like crap, Miss.
- Nikki Wade: So why are you seeing them?
- Barbara Hunt: Well I'm assuming they've got something to tell me.
- Nikki Wade: What, like piss off and die?
- Jim Fenner: What is it with you, Stewart? Just gotta look at a murderer and you go moist.
- Helen Stewart: You're out of line, Jim.
- Jim Fenner: Thanks to you, I had to walk back on this wing with a nutter who tried to stick me, and now you're telling me that Nikki Wade, the cop killer, is innocent too. You make me sick.
- Helen Stewart: Well, that is a relief. If you'd approved I'd known I was doing something wrong. Get outta my face.
- Gina Rossi: You gonna shut it Wade or what?
- Nikki Wade: I want to see her!
- Gina Rossi: Yeah? Well I want Ricky Martin in my shower every morning but life's a bitch like that.
- Denny Blood: Do "Stand By Your Man"
- Michelle "Shell" Dockely: How can she do that when she's dead, stupid?
- Sylvia Hollamby: Joan McParlan?
- [no-one stands]
- Sylvia Hollamby: ... Sister Thomas Moore?
- [Sister Thomas stands]
- Sylvia Hollamby: If you think you have the right to call yourself that... been stealing from the poor little black babbies, haven't you? There really isn't anyone you can trust these days.
- Sister Thomas More: If you consider stealing - to be making sure that money raised by generous Christians actually goes direct to the mission it was intended - then I'm guilty as charged. But I'd rather think, that helping the poor and starving of Africa is more important than lining in the pockets of greedy administrators in London.
- Sylvia Hollamby: Don't give me that - embezzlement and theft! You can stand there looking all saintly with your rosary and that gettup... but your worse than a common thief! Using God to cover up your crimes!
- Sister Thomas More: I see you've made your mind up about me and I'm sorry about that, but I'm quite prepared to spend six months of the given sentence if it is God's will. He knows righteousness, and he is the only judge I bow before.
- Sharon 'Shaz' Wylie: You gotta laugh, ain't ya? I mean there's us saying we done murder on her and all it took were a nut.
- Karen Betts: If you think that's funny then I suggest there's something seriously wrong with your attitude.
- Dominic McCallister: Renee Williams? Sentenced to 18 months?
- Renee Williams: Congratulations, you've won a car.
- Dominic McCallister: Comedian, are we?
- Renee Williams: This place fills me full of laughs.
- Dominic McCallister: Any medical problems?
- Renee Williams: Why don't you examine me to find out, darlin'?
- Dominic McCallister: [annoyed] Any medical problems?
- Renee Williams: No.
- Dominic McCallister: Right let's see what we've got in here.
- Renee Williams: You better make sure no one gets their frigging thieving fingers on that stuff.
- Dominic McCallister: Don't worry. We keep all the thieves under lock and key. That's why you're here in case you forgot.
- Renee Williams: Who's the comedian now?
- Jim Fenner: I'm gonna swing for that bloody cow one of these days.
- Sylvia Hollamby: You'll get in line like the rest of us.
- Michelle 'Shell' Dockley: I've given up all your God bollocks, Crystal, cause it don't change nothing.
- Crystal Gordon: It changes where you go when you die. You two-faced bitch.
- Jim Fenner: Ah, but you see, I blame you Helen, cause everytime I walk in here, I have to face the evil cow who came that far away from killing me.
- [indicates a small distance with his thumb and forefinger]
- Helen Stewart: Well, let's hope the next time she's *that* much luckier.
- Julie j: What are you going to call yourself Yvonne?
- Yvonne Atkins: Oh, it's gotta be a name with discipline for me, girls. Call me Sylvia Hollamby, the stern screw that likes strictness and spanking. Disobedience will be severely dealt with.
- [after being caught kissing a fellow inmate]
- Helen Stewart: What is going on?
- Nikki Wade: I thought that was blindingly obvious.
- Helen Stewart: My officers are trained professionals.
- Nikki Wade: Well, if Fenner's anything to go by, you'd be better off training chimpanzees.
- [During a riot]
- Helen Stewart: This is a Governor's order:
- [shouting]
- Helen Stewart: Get back to your cells, now.
- Shell Dockley: Oi Wade. Did you have a good time with the squat squad?
- Nikki Wade: Yeah, fantastic... well I did with the good-looking one.
- Nikki Wade: Another day gone Monica. How many you've got left?
- Monica Lindsey: Not many I hope. What about you?
- Nikki Wade: Roughly...? 3655.
- Shell Dockley: Well I'm going back to my cell now; see if I can remember where I hid that nice, sharp razor blade.
- Nikki Wade: Dockley, do us all a favour; when you find it, use it on yourself.
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