- Al Crowthers: Who was your toughest fight?
- Melvin Jones: Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, the toughest fight I had was with, ah, Gene Tierney. That was the toughest fight.
- Al Crowthers: Gene Tierney? You mean Gene Tunney.
- Melvin Jones: You fight who you want, I fight who I want.
- Melvin Jones: Excuse me, handsome.
- CPO Lardoski: Where do you get that handsome stuff?
- Melvin Jones: Didn't I hear that man call you a pretty officer?
- CPO Lardoski: [Growling] He said, "Petty officer."
- [Melvin sticks his tongue out at him behind his back]
- Al Crowthers: Make him believe you've been a fighter all your life. Then he'll be so scared that when you lift your arm, he'll fall right down.
- Melvin Jones: Yeah?
- Al Crowthers: I wouldn't let anything happen to you, would I?
- Melvin Jones: We'll soon find out.
- Al Crowthers: Put on the act right now. Go ahead.
- [talks loud so the other fighter can hear him]
- Al Crowthers: Listen, Melvin, how long you been fightin'?
- Melvin Jones: Oh, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, I been fightin' now for about, ah, sisteen years.
- Al Crowthers: Sisteen?
- Melvin Jones: Yeah. Oh, it's about sisteen years.
- Al Crowthers: Sisteen. What do you mean?
- Melvin Jones: Sisteen. Fourteen, fifteen, sisteen.
- Al Crowthers: Sisteen. Oh, sure. How many - how many fights have you had altogether?
- Melvin Jones: Oh, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, altogether now, when you add them up, I had, ah, 101 fights.101.
- Al Crowthers: Yeah.
- Melvin Jones: I win them all - but a hundred.
- Al Crowthers: Good. Where - where are you from originally?
- Melvin Jones: Oh, I moved.
- Al Crowthers: You moved?
- Melvin Jones: Yeah. Originally I come from Newark, New Jersey. That's my hometown. And I started fightin' there, I was just a kid. I think I was...
- Al Crowthers: How old were you?
- Melvin Jones: Oh, about sisteen years old.
- Al Crowthers: Sisteen?
- Melvin Jones: Like before. Fourteen, fifteen...
- Al Crowthers, Melvin Jones: Sisteen.
- Melvin Jones: Lose something?
- Naval Doctor: No, but I think you did. Where's your heart?
- Melvin Jones: You're the doctor.
- Melvin Jones: [Betty Hutton in a cameo kisses Al and leaves] Wasn't that...?
- Al Crowthers: Hetty Button.
- Chief Bos'n Mate: Have you ever considered any other branch of the service? The Army recruiting office is just down the street, you know.
- Melvin Jones: Oh thanks gobs, gob, but I gotta get in the Navy. It's practically doctor's orders, practically.
- Chief Bos'n Mate: Doctor's orders?
- Melvin Jones: Oh, yes, sir. You see, it's my allergies, and my doctor says I need ocean travel and this is the only way I can afford it.
- Naval Doctor: [Unable to find a heartbeat] Be a good boy now and tell the doctor where your heart is.
- Melvin Jones: You'll find out. I'm no stool pigeon.
- Hilda Jones: Everybody should donate to the blood bank. What type are you?
- Melvin Jones: Oh, the quiet type. I go to bed at nine o'clock, see a movie now and then, read some books, play checkers...
- Hilda Jones: No! I mean what kind of blood have you?
- Melvin Jones: Red.
- Melvin Jones: Why d'ya put the bandage on my hand before ya put the gloves on?
- Al Crowthers: So when you hit'm, you won't break your knuckles.
- Melvin Jones: Why don't you put some on my shoes so I won't wear them out from running away from him?
- Melvin Jones: There's no basis for metabolism, certain unaware of the fact that there are other men concerned here, and you still can't feel that a physical being is abstract. You've got to base the full heart and soul on the ingredients that other people are aware of the fact that physical being is isn't even evolved. Isn't that right?
- Melvin Jones: I can't even get close to a girl. I've never been kissed. Even my mother wouldn't have the nerve.
- Al Crowthers: Well, that figures.
- Al Crowthers: They can't do this to me!
- Melvin Jones: Why don't you write a letter to your congressman?
- Al Crowthers: What good will that do?
- Melvin Jones: No good, but - you'll have a pen pal.
- Melvin Jones: Gee, you're lucky. I can't even get close to a girl. I'm allergic to face powder, perfume and lipstick. If I get too close to a girl, my uvula becomes edematous, which means inflamed, and if it becomes inflamed, it swells up. Then I can't breathe. And if I can't breathe, that could become fatal!
- Al Crowthers: You said a mouthful.
- Hilda Jones: Where are we going?
- Melvin Jones: Right here.
- Hilda Jones: A television station?
- Melvin Jones: They got a cathode tube and a master oscillator that just won't quit. Come on!
- Melvin Jones: You know, I thought you were gonna be my friend, someone I could look up to, someone to be real close to me. Someone who'd stick by me through thick or thin. Now you think I'm stupid.
- Al Crowthers: Don't cry, Melvin. I don't think you're stupid.
- Melvin Jones: That's funny. Everyone else does.
- Melvin Jones: There's no basis for metabolism. Certainly I'm aware of the fact that there are other men concerned here, and you still can't feel that a physical being is abstract. You've got to base the full heart and soul on the ingredient that other people are aware of the fact that physical being isn't even involved. Isn't that right?
- Al Crowthers: What a town this is. The dames won't have anything to do with sailors around here.
- CPO Lardoski: Oh, yeah? Wait till you see the beautiful babe that's gonna meet me here.
- Mr. Chubby: We have a lot of fun here, don't we? Yes, sir! And today, today we're going to select the most kissable girl in San Diego. Now, what do you think of that, huh? And the winner will receive a Hellman mink coat, a complete set of Chapman bicycle tires, an Ellington grease gun, a 10-year supply of Go Gettum Dog Food, four Donavan wristwatches, 10 glorious days at the Palm Garden Hotel in Honolulu, and a complete wardrobe by Edythe for the lucky girl who gets the trip.
- Melvin Jones: Oh, he's friendly. Won't this be ginger peachy?
- Al Crowthers: [sarcastically] Yeah, real keen.
- Al Crowthers: We're going by submarine.
- Melvin Jones: Oh, submarine? I get sick going down in an elevator.
- Mr. Chubby: One at a time, girls, one at a time! One at a time! Ladies, ladies, ladies! Ladies, one at a time.
- Al Crowthers: [singing] They'll be gobs and gobs of Misses, Who'll be waiting on the shore, With gobs and gobs of kisses...
- Corinne Calvet: [singing] Merci beaucoup, Thank you, Monsieur, Thank you, The cocktails you served, Were really so grand, And my heart skipped a beat, When you touch my hand, As you served me the - ca-vi-ar, And that delightful cheese, It was so nice, Merci beaucoup, Thank you, Monsieur, Thank you, I'm afraid that the wine, It went to my head, But I got such a - thrill...
- Cmdr. Lane: This is my stateroom, sailor. You've got one minute to get this place cleaned up and get out, or you'll spend the rest of this trip chained to a torpedo!
- Al Crowthers: Well, let's start messing around with something. You know "The Sailors' Polka"? Let's go.
- [singing]
- Al Crowthers: Come on and play the sailors' polka, Make way for Navy blue, Oh, how the girls all love to polka, With a sailor who's tried and true, Where there is music, and there's moonlight, The Navy knows what to do...
- Corinne Calvet: Look at that bunch of wolves.
- Ginger: And I want to get thrown to 'em.
- Corinne Calvet: Oh, now, wait a minute. Remember what I told you about sailors?
- Ginger: I remember. Why do you think I want to get thrown to 'em?
- Al Crowthers: [singing] Who's that lady, You were with last night?
- Melvin Jones: That was no lady, That was my wife!
- Corinne Calvet: Sailor, I don't know what you and your friend have in mind, but please count me out of it, will you? I think I better leave.
- Melvin Jones: I'm sorry.
- Corinne Calvet: You're not bad at all. You're the quiet type, aren't you? Not the wolf type.
- Melvin Jones: I wanna go home. I don't think Corinne is gonna show up.
- CPO Lardoski: There she blows.
- Al Crowthers: [singing] Never before, Has my heart felt a thrill like this, Never before, Never before, Never before...
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