- Florenz Ziegfeld Jr.: [after catching Ray Bolger doing a little softshoe backstage] Buddy, you're better with your feet than you are with your broom.
- Ray Bolger: Mr. Ziegfeld, you think so? Gee, I wish you'd give me a chance. I've got talent, and I'd like to get away from shifting scenery and moving props.
- Florenz Ziegfeld Jr.: How long have you been a property boy?
- Ray Bolger: Five years, but my heart hasn't been in it.
- Florenz Ziegfeld Jr.: You've been working a long time without your heart, buddy.
- Anna Held: [on the phone with Ziegfeld after learning of his marriage to Billie Burke] Hello, Flo... Yes. Here's Anna... I'm so happy for you today, I could not help calling you and congratulate you... Wonderful, Flo! Never better in my whole life!... I'm so excited about my new plans! I'm going to Paris... Yes, for a few weeks, and then I can get back, and then I'm doing a new show, and... Oh, it's all so wonderful! I'm so happy!... Yes... And I hope you are happy, too... Yes?... Oh, I'm so glad for you, Flo... Sounds funny for ex-husband and ex-wife to tell how happy they are, oui?... Yes, Flo... Goodbye, Flo... Goodbye...
- [She hangs up]
- Anna Held: Darling...
- [she falls to her bed, sobbing]
- Marie: My poor, petite! If you love him so, why did you divorce him?
- Anna Held: Because I thought it would bring him back to me. I was sure that it would bring him back to me.
- [she cries]
- Fanny Brice: If I can give Belasco four dollars for silk stockings made of cotton, I can give Ziegfeld a little more for a mink coat made of skunk.
- Billie Burke: I'm here.
- Florenz Ziegfeld Jr.: Yes, and so am I.
- Billie Burke: But it must seem like kindergarten to you.
- Florenz Ziegfeld Jr.: Why?
- Billie Burke: The great Mr. Ziegfeld, producer of the Follies, surrounded by hundreds of beautiful women, sitting on a bench holding hands, watching the riverboats go back and forth. Doesn't sound a bit like you, does it?
- Florenz Ziegfeld Jr.: No, it doesn't. But, here I am, sitting on a bench, holding hands and watching the riverboats go back and forth... And regretting all the years I haven't known you.
- Billie Burke: Didn't Anna Held take up a few of those years?
- Florenz Ziegfeld Jr.: Yes, Billie, she did. She was truly a wonderful woman.
- Billie Burke: I love you for saying that.
- Florenz Ziegfeld Jr.: Look, there's another ferryboat going across to the Palisades. Will you keep your eyes on it while I tell you something?
- Billie Burke: Must I look at a ferryboat to listen to you?
- Florenz Ziegfeld Jr.: Yes, or I won't be able to tell you.
- Billie Burke: You mean the great lady's man is bashful?
- Florenz Ziegfeld Jr.: Strange as it may seem... in your presence, he is.
- Billie Burke: All right, I'm looking.
- Florenz Ziegfeld Jr.: I love you, Billie.
- [Billie turns to look at him. Flo points]
- Florenz Ziegfeld Jr.: The ferryboat... I haven't anything to offer you, because there's nothing that you really seem to need. You've made the most of yourself unassisted, and that's grand. But
- [Billie starts to face him]
- Florenz Ziegfeld Jr.: Ferryboat. You're a great star already, so there's little I can offer you. Nothing I can give you... except my love.
- Billie Burke: That isn't enough... I expect part of your ambition, half of your trouble, two-thirds of your worries... and all of your respect.
- [They kiss]
- Hotel doorman: Do you realize you gave me five pounds?
- Florenz Ziegfeld Jr.: Yes, I'm trying to lose weight.
- Fanny Brice: Tell Mr Ziegfeld, I'm not in and if I was in, I wouldn't see him and if I did see him, tell him, I wouldn't buy a thing.
- Sandow: This cheese is so strong it could walk over and say hello to your coffee.
- Florenz Ziegfeld Jr.: Well, it had better not. This coffee's too weak to answer it.
- Sampson: This is about talent.
- Florenz Ziegfeld Jr.: Something good and cheap no doubt?
- Sampson: Exactly! It's a young girl named Brice... Fanny... Fanny Brice. She;s working in burlesque.
- Gene Buck: Say, I've seen that girl, Flo!
- Florenz Ziegfeld Jr.: Pretty?
- Gene Buck: Well, yes and no. Shut your eyes and listen - yes! Open 'em and look - no, but a great performer!
- Florenz Ziegfeld Jr.: We shall have a look at her at once - tonight!
- Ruth Blair: Oh, Jack, is Ziegfeld a friend of yours?
- Jack Billings: Yes, we've been pals for years, but you wouldn't like him.
- Ruth Blair: No?
- Jack Billings: No, he's up one day and down the next. If he got $10,000 tomorrow, he'd spend it on the girl he happened to like tomorrow night. You wouldn't want to waste your time meeting a felloe like that.
- Ruth Blair: Oh, not if I met him on the right night.
- Sampson: They want the cash.
- Florenz Ziegfeld Jr.: Did you mean they're telling me that they sent the costumes for this show COD?
- Sampson: No, sir, not this show. They want some money on the last show.
- Billie Burke: I wonder what General Grant would think if he knew we were using the very shadow of his tomb as our meeting place?
- Florenz Ziegfeld Jr.: Well, I never knew the General personally but I have an idea that he'd approve.
- Florenz Ziegfeld Jr.: [Scolding the wardrobe man for having dressed Miss Brice in an inappropriately showy costume] How do you expect Miss Brice to sing a sad song about her man, dressed up like a nightingale? I find personalities, and you try to destroy them. I didn't engage Miss Brice as a showgirl.
- Clarence: [after having altered Miss Brice's costume to the bare minimum] Is that all right, Mr. Ziegfeld?
- Florenz Ziegfeld Jr.: Well, it's all right for now. Tomorrow, get her another outfit. And don't make it, buy it. Go to a second-hand store and get her an old dress. She's supposed to be a, an apache, a poor French girl, an urchin!
- Clarence: [meekly] Yes, sir.
- Fanny Brice: [looking disappointed] So, to work for Mr. Ziegfeld, I gotta' be an urchin. Even in burlesque I was middle class.
- Florenz Ziegfeld Jr.: [after he has hired Jack Billings' valet away from him] Gentlemen don't quarrel over gentlemen's gentlemen.
- Florenz Ziegfeld Jr.: Oh, Sidney, I'm so terribly broke.
- Sidney: But sir, isn't Mr. Billings going to help you?
- Florenz Ziegfeld Jr.: Sidney, he hasn't a nickel. He was lying to me just to make me feel better. We're both broke.
- Sidney: I wouldn't worry about that, sir. You've been broke before, sir.
- Florenz Ziegfeld Jr.: Yes, I know. I've always laughed about it. But I can't laugh anymore, Sidney, because I've been wrong. I've got nothing. Nothing to leave anyone.
- Sidney: Nothing, sir? You leave them the memories of the finest things ever done on the stage, sir. You'll leave them a name that they can be proud of all their lives. You'll soon feel better, and then you can do more beautiful things than ever before, sir.
- Burlesque Prima Donna: Once in burlesque, always in burlesque, unless you got looks, or a voice, or something.
- Fanny Brice: Well, that's what I got, kid.
- Burlesque Prima Donna: What?
- Fanny Brice: Something.
- Florenz Ziegfeld Jr.: [referring to Fanny Brice, after her audition performance] She's all right. She's gonna' be great.
- Sampson: And I discovered her!
- Florenz Ziegfeld Jr.: [to Sampson] That's right, Sam, and you deserve a raise.
- Florenz Ziegfeld Jr.: [to the other men in the room] And I'd give it to him, but I'm afraid he wouldn't approve of the expense.
- Florenz Ziegfeld Jr.: [Last lines] I've got to have more steps. I need more steps... I've got to get higher... higher.
- Wife at Chicago World's Fair: [after watching the strongman's barbell act] 750 pounds, my foot!
- Florenz Ziegfeld Jr.: [overhearing her and after a double take] I wonder what her TOTAL weight is?
- Fanny Brice: [Admiring herself, and her showy costume, in the mirror] Don't lose your nerve, kid. This is your big chance. Be a trouper! Look at you. You're working for Ziegfeld now. And you look like a million dollars. For the first time in your life, you're class, ya mug.
- Jack Billings: This little lady has wiggled herself from the sands of the desert to the shores of Lake Michigan. And she's about to give you an exhibition absolutely free. Ladies and gentlemen, this is not the dance that Little Egypt does inside, but to prove our generosity, we're going to give a demonstration of that famous dance, the hootchy-kootch! Egypt, wiggle!
- Florenz Ziegfeld Jr.: An old Hindu told me that if you touch an elephant's trunk, and he raises it, everything will be all right.
- Ruth Blair: Well, aren't we the observer? Do you always check up on the right combinations for women?
- Florenz Ziegfeld Jr.: Always for beautiful women.
- Ruth Blair: Hands up, mister, and give me all your money.
- Jack Billings: Well, I can't give you anything with my hands up, sweetheart.
- Ruth Blair: All right, fresh, 23 skidoo for you.
- Anna Held: [singing] I'm fond of games and fun you see, I wish you'd come and play with me, For I have such a way with me, A way with me, A way with me, I have such a nice little way with me, Do not think its wrong, I should like you to play with me, To play with me, To play with me, I wish you'd come and play with me, Play with me all the day long...
- Wife at Chicago World's Fair: Mr. Sandow, I think your muscles are simply astounding!
- Florenz Ziegfeld Jr.: Perhaps madam would like to *feel* the muscles of the Great Sandow.
- Wife at Chicago World's Fair: Oh, I'd love to!
- Florenz Ziegfeld Jr.: Sandow, your arm.
- [she feels, she faints]
- Florenz Ziegfeld Jr.: Is it a good show?
- Hotel doorman: Not so much, sir. Except for the little French actress, sir. She's truly wonderful! She has eyes this big, sir. And every time she blinks them at you, well, you jolly well blink yourself, sir.
- Florenz Ziegfeld Jr.: America's a big country, Miss Held. We still have many producers in the West putting on shows for the Indians.
- Anna Held: Indians? Do you mean the savages?
- Florenz Ziegfeld Jr.: Yes.
- Anna Held: Did you hear that, Marie?
- Marie: Oui, Madame.
- Anna Held: I do not think I will like America.
- Anna Held: Did you not like my performance?
- Florenz Ziegfeld Jr.: Yes and no.
- Anna Held: Yes and no. What shall that mean? Yes or no?
- Florenz Ziegfeld Jr.: Well, both.
- Florenz Ziegfeld Jr.: I'll present you on Broadway. In a great show, in the best theater, to the best people. I'll exploit you from coast to coast.
- Anna Held: Exploit? What is that?
- Florenz Ziegfeld Jr.: I'll put you over, I'll sell you
- Anna Held: Sell me?
- Florenz Ziegfeld Jr.: To the public. And I'll make them pay for you.
- Anna Held: And how much will you pay me?
- Florenz Ziegfeld Jr.: I'll advertise your name from every corner. Women will be wearing Anna Held hats, Anna Held shoes, Anna Held corsets.
- Anna Held: In Paris, I was a big success because they liked my voice. In London, I was a big success because they liked my singing. But in America, to be a big success, I need 20 gallons of milk and must sit in it!
- Anna Held: Don't you like Monsieur Ziegfeld?
- Pierre: Oui, madame, that's the trouble. Everybody likes him, especially the ladies. Oh, madame, you'd never be happy with him. You'd never be able to hold him. Why, he attracts women like the flowers attract bees. Like the flypaper attract the flies.
- Anna Held: Well, that's all right. I've seen the flies on the flypaper and it seems to me they stick very well.
- Anna Held: [phone rings, Marie answers it] Oh, those reporters again. Tell them no. Positively no. I do not want to speak to them.
- Marie: Madame, it is Monsieur Ziegfeld.
- Anna Held: I don't want to speak to him either. I never wish to speak to him again! Where is he?
- Marie: Downstairs in the lobby, madame.
- Anna Held: Tell him to come up.
- Florenz Ziegfeld Jr.: Anna's show is all set. No, in this one - I want to star the girls.
- Jack Billings: Don't be ridiculous. Without personalities, you haven't got a chance.
- Florenz Ziegfeld Jr.: Oh, I'll have personalities, all right. Lots of personalities! But, they'll mostly be blondes and brunettes.
- Jack Billings: What are you going to call this opera?
- Florenz Ziegfeld Jr.: I'm going to call it: the Ziegfeld Follies.
- Eddie Cantor: [singing, in blackface] If you knew Susie, Like I know Susie, Oh, oh, oh what a girl, There's none so classy, As this fair lassie, Oh, oh, Holy Moses, what a chassis...
- Florenz Ziegfeld Jr.: I want to do a show with silk drapes, with lace, with *beautiful* girls. I'm going to dress them not for the bald heads in the front row, but for the women in the last row. I want to surround them with glamour, glitter. Glorify them!
- Anna Held: Marie, you go out for a while. He is my maid tonight. Go, go, go, go.
- Florenz Ziegfeld Jr.: Oh, I am, am I?
- Anna Held: Yes, you are. Later, I count all the diamonds in the bracelet and the necklace and give you a kiss you for each one.
- Florenz Ziegfeld Jr.: What about the orchids? Don't I get anything for them?
- Anna Held: Oui. Oui. For each petal of each orchid, another kiss extra. So! Take off my stocking, please.
- Burlesque Prima Donna: Fanny, on the level, you don't ever hope to get out of burlesque, do you? You're good here because these people are from 10th Avenue. How good do you think you'd be on Fifth Avenue?
- Fanny Brice: Half as good.
- Flossie - Audrey's Maid: Well, scratch my back, honey. Is them diamonds or is them stars? Who sent 'em to you, honey lamb?
- Anna Held: She's really quite beautiful, Flo, oui?
- Florenz Ziegfeld Jr.: Yes, she is, isn't she?
- Anna Held: You're very much interested in her, oui?
- Florenz Ziegfeld Jr.: I'm interested in all my girls, dear.
- Stage Singer in 'Pretty Girl' Number: [singing] A pretty girl is like a melody, That haunts you night and day, Just like the strain of a haunting refrain, She'll start up-on a marathon, And run around your brain, You can't escape she's in your memory...