Quotes

Success has nothing to do with what you gain in life or accomplish for yourself. It's what you do for others.

Then a fellow whose wife had just been cured of cancer of the womb came into this little night club where I was playing and told me about St. Jude, the patron of the hopeless. So I went around to church and told him.

[In 1957]: I understand you're the patron of the hopeless. Well, that's me. I want to know whether I should stay in showbusiness. If I shouldn't, please make me a sign. If I do stay and if I make good in a big way, I'll build you a shrine.

[When he moved to Chicago, where he worked at a small night club, where he was paid $50 a week, before he made $500]: I got through my act at 4:30 A.M. and I went to a 5 A.M. mass to thank God. As I knelt, I saw in the pew in front of me a huge pamphlet with St. Jude's picture mentioning a novena in honor of a national shrine. I remembered the vow I'd made and I saw why I come there. This was St. Jude's hometown.

[When in 1945 his career began to escalate]: By 1946, I could have built an altar and fulfilled my obligation. By 1948, I could have built a small chapel. By 1950, I could have built a larger one.

[In 1957]: It's the difference between having your merchandise in the basement or having it in the street window.

[About Make Room for Daddy (1953) being a ratings bonanza]: By all rights, I should have been off the air by now. Every law of television would dictate that I was through. And I could have done very well financially if I had quit. I then could have released our four-year backlog for reruns and made a lot of money. But everything in me revolted against quitting that way.

[About art]: So, the success we've had is truly 'art for art's sake.'

[When asked if he thought Make Room for Daddy (1953) did much better during the 1957 season]: I don't see how I can say that it is, except that in our fifth year we should be working even better as a team. But I don't think that we have ever had a really bad show; at least that's what people tell me.

Certainly we couldn't have asked for more awards or critical raves than we got in our first three years. And we got up to a good rating too. But last year, we came right in the middle of 'Climax' and we couldn't do a thing.

[When asked as to how long he could continue starring as Danny Williams]: I have options for two more years after this one. I'd like to do at least one more year in deference to the sponsors. Then I'd like to slow down and let the reruns work for me.

[on the hospital he was promoting]: It is my belief that St. Jude Hospital will one day announce to the world the great tidings of a cure for leukemia or cancer or even both. I am proud to beg for this project.

[In 1961]: Situation comedy! I hate the term. There's all that talk about giving the public education on TV. We haven't yet educated the public to appreciate what it is getting now.

Why should all shows be lumped into the category of 'situation comedy?' They should be called 'life shows,' because they reflect life. Do you know why they have the tragic and the comic masks in the theater?

[Of his ex-partner Sheldon Leonard developing another TV series]: Sheldon Leonard [his director] and I sometimes discuss it. We think we are tired and have no place to go. But then we say, 'What we would do if we quit? Start another series?' We could never find another cast and crew as congenial as this one. We love each other. We see more of each other than we do of our own families. Should we give this up?

[Who said in 1962 about thanking people who contributed to his hospital]: It took a rabble-rousing, hook-nosed comedian to get your attention, but it took your heart, your loving minds, your generous souls to make this dream come true.

[Who said in 1964 about the character of St. Joseph]: It's a story that has never been told before.

Nobody has anything to be ashamed of regarding his national origins - and by golly, I'm trying to prove it.

I'll do Yiddish, Greek, Arabic, Negro, Italian and Irish vernaculars, and to heck with the squawks.

[In 1959]: Dialect jokes are the best weapons available to fight prejudice. People who complain about dialect bits cause more bigotry than they prevent. Afterall, everybody in this country belongs to some kind of minority group.

[Said about the dialect jokes are a forgotten art, thanks to over-sensitive groups and individuals]: From now on, I'm going to us as much dialect material as possible in my guest appearances. I can't use dialect stuff on my own show because it doesn't fit in.

Semi-retired? I've been working like crazy for the past three years.

[Who rhapsodized on his stand-up's role]: It's the epitome of entertainers: to stand alone and hold an audience. There aren't many who can do it. You either fight the bull or you conduct the symphony ... If the audience resists you, then you are like the matador in the so-called fight. Or you can be the conductor, calling for pianissimo or fortissimo-as you lead the symphony.

[Who responded in 1986 about his legs that are rebelling after a lifetime as a stand-up comedian]: Oh, no, that's different. A stand-up comedian doesn't have to wait for other people. Out there, it's only God, the audience and you.

[When his son Tony Thomas promised his father he shouldn't have to work, everyday]: That's the only promise Tony's ever broken.

[In 1964]: All our shows have a preoccupation with trouble. Nothing is shared by so many people.

[on the death of Lucille Ball in 1989]: She was the best female clown that ever lived, no question .... Lucy did everything - jumping in a barrel of cement, light her nose, eat candy off the conveyor belt.

[When asked if he was tempted by the gorgeous Vegas chorus girls]: Not in 36 years of marriage. However, the first woman who helps me cheat gets $400.

[In 1988]: Once in a while, I used to consider cheating. Then I would think of my Sicilian wife and a Sicilian funeral.

[In 1989]: Today, they've got no place to stink. I played the beer gardens when 3.2 beer first came out. Nobody listened. When men wanted to go to the bathroom, they didn't walk around you. They walked right in front of you and didn't care. But that was OK, because we were bad then.

If I were starting out today. I wouldn't make it.

[About to read the Academy Awards voting rules] For you people watching at home, this might be a good time to make some dip.

[on his popularity of playing the forty-five something nightclub singer/father Danny Williams on Make Room for Daddy (1953)]: I've always felt ... well, in 'Make Room For Daddy,' we had fun, but we said something about disciplined love, love of children, love of neighbor and so on. That's lacking a lot right now. Unfortunately, mothers and fathers have to work so much now that we are getting more houses and fewer homes.

[In 1976]: If there's a basic reason for the success of TV shows, it is their preoccupation with trouble. Nothing else is shared by so many people!

My people are inherently storytellers. When I was a kid, the entertainment was somebody from the old country or a big city who came and visited and told tales of where they came from.

[About the population of St. Jude]: Never mind the old routines, the new TV show or anything else. Raising money for St. Jude is my reason for living. Until I die I will continue to beg for more. A part of the reason I decided to do the new show is to introduce a new generation to this guy with the hooked nose. Then, when I ask for their dollars for St. Jude, they'll know who I am. And I plan to be asking for their dollars for a long time.

[About the institution where he embarked on terminally ill-cancer patients]: That hospital is my only interest in life. That's why I was born. If I must be remembered, it will be for that more than anything else.