Best B-Movies & Slop to watch as a group
A curated list of movies to watch with the boys over discord or on the couch as well as which movies to avoid. Snacks and beer not included.
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- DirectorWorth KeeterStarsIan HunterC.K. BibbyWilliam HicksA James Bondish spy and his female assistant infiltrate a group of South American Nazis who have kept Hitler alive until they take over the... using the ultimate weapon. In HD.In my eyes, this is a quintessential B-Movie. It has a stupid premise, a stupid plot and over-the-top action.
There are fun firefights, the setting plays in lush south american jungles, military outposts and a absolutely goofy looking evil Nazi base and the characters are memorable.
Each character has their own quirk, the dialogue is tongue in cheek and most importantly the movie as a whole doesn't take itself too serious.
It quite simply delivers on the 'essence' of a good Action B-Movie and if that is what you are looking for then you won't find many other perfect examples like it.
Hitler plays himself, some extra almost got killed by getting his head crushed during an action scene and there is a god damn baboon driving a tank and blowing up Nazis.
A must see for any group that just wants to watch something fun and entertaining!
9/10 - DirectorJohn CarpenterStarsKurt RussellLee Van CleefErnest BorgnineIn 1997, when the U.S. president crashes into Manhattan, now a giant maximum security prison, a convicted bank robber is sent in to rescue him.Absolute classic and a must see!
This movie is more than just a good action movie, it helped shape the prototype of what we even consider a badass action hero and the sort of environment he works best in.
Snake Plissken is iconic and would become a template for dacades of action characters to come.
The movie itself delivers on everything that is great about this genre. A cool and surreal setting, a straightforward plot and corny but self aware dialogue. There is more than enough action on top of all this and the fights are well realized in part due to practical effects but also through the visceral nature of the choreography.
Do yourself a favour and watch it with the lads, this movie is sure to make the evening great!
8/10 - DirectorJohn CarpenterStarsKurt RussellSteve BuscemiStacy KeachSnake Plissken is once again called in by the United States government to recover a potential doomsday device from Los Angeles, now an autonomous island where undesirables are deported.
- DirectorNeil MarshallStarsRhona MitraBob HoskinsAlexander SiddigA futuristic action thriller where a team of people work to prevent a disaster threatening the future of the human race.If you can't decide on which flavour of post-apocalypse to watch this is the perfect movie for you. Equal parts "Mad Max" and "24 weeks later", this movie delivers it all. Great action, stunts and an insane plot with memorable characters.
Enjoy the ride, sit back with the lads and bask in glorious absurdity and visceral action. Highly recommended and a total joy to watch as a group.
8/10 - DirectorJohn CarpenterStarsKurt RussellKim CattrallDennis DunA rough-and-tumble trucker and his sidekick face off with an ancient sorcerer in a supernatural battle beneath Chinatown.
- DirectorPerry LangStarsDolph LundgrenCharlotte LewisBD WongA former Special Ops soldier leads a group of mercenaries to an island in the South China Sea: their mission is obtain the rights to the unusual treasure that the island beholds.What happens when a group of morally ambigious mercenaries are hired to force a bunch of natives to allow themselves to be exploited by a mining company?
An action B-Movie of course!
Like a hearthy homemade soup this film is made of some great ingredients. It has over-the-top action, it has a weird proto-suicide squad team assembling bit in the beginning and it features the most spiritually confused pacifists I've ever seen.
It also features one of the best villains in movie history. I won't spoil it here, but that man is living chaotic energy. A man who is out of fucks to give, who somehow channels the absolute vibe of Far Cry 3's "Vaas" years before that character was written. He alone already makes this a worthwhile experience.
There are other quirky supporting characters and Lundgren himself plays his role competently enough, but it is definitely not his most memorable or unique showing.
Great movie to watch as a group, highly recommended!
7/10 - DirectorAndrew DavisStarsSteven SeagalGary BuseyTommy Lee JonesAn ex-Navy Seal turned cook is the only person who can stop a group of terrorists when they seize control of a U.S. battleship.Seagal's Magnum Opus.
The only way the words "Good" and "Steven Seagal" are ever uttered in the same sentence is in the context of this movie.
In terms of Hegelian dialectics this movie could be considered a antithesis to "China Salesman" or "General Commander" as it represents the absolute peak point of Seagals career as an actor.
Unfortunately we never got the Synthesis, the Seagal movie to beat them all, but "Under Siege" is fine just as it is. A straightforward and fun plot, practical effects and a whole battleship as a set make this an enjoyable ride.
The action is done right, the acting is decent and it generally just manages to be a very entertaining action movie without too many bells and whistles.
Highly recommended for setting the baseline of Steven Seagals decline alone, it being a good movie is just the cherry on top.
Very fun to watch as a group!
7/10 - DirectorIsaac FlorentineStarsDolph LundgrenCary-Hiroyuki TagawaValerie ChowThe tough and cold mercenary Warchild, is working for the man who took care of his war training and upbringing, the greedy General Ruechang. Ruechang is planning to take over the country by marrying Princess Halo. But Halo discovers that Ruechang killed her father to gain more power than he had working for the King, so she decides to run away. Warchild is the one who has to bring her back to Ruechang, but the one thing no one counted on happens... Warchild and Halo falls in love, and together they take on the forces of Ruechang...
- DirectorJoseph ZitoStarsDolph LundgrenM. Emmet WalshAl WhiteA Spetsnaz commando is sent on a covert mission by his Soviet superiors to infiltrate a rebel army and assassinate its leader.
- DirectorMichael KeuschStarsSteven SeagalMark BazeleySteve ToussaintJohn is sent in to recover a stolen Stealth Bomber. His trusty sidekick Rojar and ever faithful Jessica fight the rebel forces of Banansistan, led by the vivacious Ellianna.A somewhat goofy action movie that manages to hit the right marks. It delivers on the action itself and has some memorable and gimmick-y characters.
The firefights are decently fun, the plot is actually not a convoluted mess and due to being released in 2007 Seagal still walks and actually....does some action in this one.
A joy to watch with the lads. Plenty of fun scenes to talk about, stupid stuff to make fun of and it includes one of the most disgusting and awkward sex scenes I have ever witnessed. It is guaranteed to make the whole squad cringe.
Kick back and spend a good evening with the boys, this movie will entertain well enough.
7/10 - DirectorTimothy B. MorganStarsArielle CeplinaAJ Daughtry-KrillJeremy EvansMistranslated fandub of Chiến Tranh Giữa Các Vì Sao 3: Người Sith Báo Thù (2005).If you don't know what this is, don't bother. This in-joke gone rogue has to be one of the most demented movie experiences out there. It is one of those incredibly rare instances of a feature lenght shitpost.
The only way to not fry your synapses at the pure schizophrenic nature of this film is to watch it as a group, at which point it not only becomes somewhat watchable, but actually fun. You end up with two full hours of a simply transcended experience. It's like being subjected to a Youtube Poop against your will.
Some of the lads may tap out before the runtime ends and that's okay, not everybody is built the same. But some of you might have the mental fortitude needed to go all the way to the end and reach the pantheon of truely enlightened Star Wars fans who don't debate about prequels or sequels, but whether denying Allah Gold a title by the Presbyterian Church is an inequity or not.
6/10 - DirectorJohn R. LeonettiStarsRobin ShouTalisa SotoJames RemarA group of martial-arts warriors has only six days to save the Earth from an extra-dimensional invasion.
- DirectorminkStarsSteven SeagalTakao OsawaJuliette MarquisWhen a government official is killed, an American operative with experience in the Yakuza culture is brought in to investigate.
- DirectorGeoff MurphyStarsSteven SeagalEric BogosianEverett McGillCasey Ryback hops on a Colorado to LA train to start a vacation with his niece. Early into the trip, terrorists board the train and use it as a mobile HQ to hijack a top secret destructive US satellite.
- DirectorRoland EmmerichStarsJean-Claude Van DammeDolph LundgrenAlly WalkerSoldiers who were killed in action are brought back to life in a top secret military experiment that creates superhuman warriors.
- DirectorRussell MulcahyStarsDolph LundgrenGina BellmanConrad DunnWaxman is a former Special Forces soldier who is now working as a heavily armed assassin for a top secret government agency. When a covert mission goes terribly wrong, Waxman and fellow assassin Clegg become that agency's prime targets.
- DirectorJohn HyamsStarsDolph LundgrenJean-Claude Van DammeAndrei ArlovskiWhen terrorists threaten nuclear catastrophe at Chernobyl, the world's only hope is to reactivate decommissioned Universal Soldier Luc Deveraux.
- DirectorJohn HyamsStarsJean-Claude Van DammeDolph LundgrenScott AdkinsJohn looks to take down Luc Deveraux after a home invasion claims his wife and daughter. The fight pits John against Andrew Scott and an army of genetically enhanced warriors; meanwhile, he must contend with a UniSol in relentless pursuit.
- DirectorSteven LukeStarsHiram A. MurrayAndrew SteckerApostolos GliarmisIn the last days of World War II, Germany, desperate for a last chance to defeat the Allies, gathers its last remaining U-Boats for one last mission: to attack the continental United States.If the novelty of having Lundgren play an actual Nazi didn't already make this one sound interesting then the plot of trying to hailmary bomb the USA via a submarine launched V3 rocket definitely should.
The stupidity of some of the crewmembers as well as the main characters incompetence lead to some truely funny interactions. The awkwardness of this utterly dysfunctional crew being on this utterly ridiculous journey brings this slop together into something digestable and somewhat fun.
Lundgrens performance as a raging alcoholic paired with his incomprehensible mumbling tie it all together.
A decent movie to watch as a group. Not a "So bad it's good" masterwork by any means, but a good time nonetheless.
Get a drink, some snacks and make fun of this stupid movie with the boys, what more is there to like?
6/10 - DirectorTitus PaarStarsSteven SeagalRichard TysonVernon WellsIn the not so distant future, society is controlled by the powerful State and a dictator known as the Director. Condor works as a hitman for the State, but a reunion with someone he thought was dead forces him to consider who his enemies really are.The ending twist of this movie is so utterly stupid that it almost makes sitting through it completely worthwhile.
Seagal plays the bad guy in this one, while the protagonist ended up being a nobody who probably would have been better suited for another Hitman movie rather than this. In true Seagal fashion he is confined to a single room and spends most of his time barely huffing out his lines of dialogue while sitting.
The glimpse into a future where giant screens shove Steven Seagal's mug into your face and where you wake up every morning knowing that THIS GUY is in control makes this a borderline horror movie.
Lots of stupid situations, awkward acting and the plot...oh boy, the plot is just cracked. Theres a good amount of fun to be had when watching as a group. It entertains more often than not through its ridicolous choices but sometimes gets dangerously close to the territory of utterly boring, which brings down the rating for me.
The twist will either vindicate this movie or be the nail in the head of it's terribleness for you. For me it was the former, hence I reluctantly recommend it.
5/10 - DirectorUwe BollStarsJason StathamRon PerlmanRay LiottaA man named Farmer sets out to rescue his kidnapped wife and avenge the death of his son, two acts committed by the Krugs, a race of animal-warriors who are controlled by the evil Gallian.As far as Uwe Boll movies go, this one is surprisingly not utterly shit.
It's still pretty stale and uninteresting, but at least delivers on some aspects of filmmaking, something that can't be said about most of Boll's career.
I don't know what kind of Kompramat Boll had on Jason Statham to make him star in this, but it must have been pretty heavy stuff. He doesn't deliver the worst performance, but sadly never goes beyond "Stoic farmer guy".
There is novelty in watching this as a group and making fun of a movie in the fantasy genre for once, but while it's lows aren't terribly boring or bad, it's highs arent particularly funny or good.
Not the worst slop to watch, and a stark reminder that even Uwe Boll can somewhat competently direct a movie when the stars align, the rest of us truely have no excuse not to give it a shot as well.
5/10 - DirectorAmir ShervanStarsRobert Z'DarMathew KaredasJanis FarleyJoe Marshall and Frank Washington are two tenacious police detectives who seek at all costs to stop the Katana, a renegade Yakuza gang composed of violent and sadistic killers who want to lead the drug trade in Los Angeles.
- DirectorSimon McQuoidStarsLewis TanJessica McNameeJosh LawsonMMA fighter Cole Young seeks out Earth's greatest champions in order to stand against the enemies of Outworld in a high stakes battle for the universe.
- DirectorRyan LittleStarsLuke GossDolph LundgrenChuck LiddellA rag tag unit of misfits known as the War Pigs must go behind enemy lines to exterminate Nazis by any means necessary.
- DirectorMark L. LesterStarsDolph LundgrenBrandon LeeCary-Hiroyuki TagawaTwo L.A. cops with opposing views on what is the best way to uphold the law have to work together to bring down the Yakuza, while trying to protect a beautiful woman.