Change Your Image
th-56234
Reviews
American Conspiracy: The Octopus Murders (2024)
Gives a taste of substance, delivers none
A 30 year old possible murder, a conspiracy fueled by dark characters at the highest levels. Did a former president get away with murder? Just how far does the rabbit hole go?
Well, set up in such a way as to get the viewer committed to the whole set of 4 episodes, by the time you get into episode 2, you start to question the veracity of the claims being made. You begin to see that the "experts under siege" by the government have a thread of some truth and a whole bunch of crazy at the same time. You're left holding a bag with evidence of a death that most likely WAS a suicide, some government shenanigans that stole intellectual property from an up and coming software company and the parties involved were some of the shadiest of characters you can imagine.
IF you have 4 hours to dedicate to Alex Jones-style conspiracy...by all means give it a go. If you're seeking answers to the questions asked at the beginning of the show...steer clear. The answers are NOT provided.
Corner Gas: Hero Sandwich (2004)
Even absurdity can be absurdly dumb.
Yes, the headline made no sense. Neither did the idea that Lacey, once so proud of "inventing" a club sandwich becomes so tired of serving them up, she shoots her cash cow just to satisfy a hope for people ordering something else off the menu. McDonalds had that problem...so they dropped BBQ and mexican food off their menu and concentrated on what was selling the best. How did that work out?
The point is that even though CG is a quirky humor type of show, sometimes the quirk become simply absurd and can't even garner a smile from the viewer. This plot premise is just one of those instances. Shows that even early on, they were stretching the concept pretty thin.
Sex Appeal (1986)
Criminal Remake
It's one thing to start watching a movie and think "hey, I've seen this before...this is so familiar" and then to look up the people behind the film and look at their body of work and realize it's not just a remake, it's a remake by the same people. Chuck Vincent rehashes a film from the hard side of the industry that he made back in 1980 and simply takes the hard core aspects out with newer and even less capable actors in the main roles. Ron Jeremy played the main character in FASCINATION from 1980 and the overbearing mom was there, the philandering father, the obnoxious sis, all of it. The same supporting characters are there too...some of them reprising their roles from the FIRST!
This is not worth the views people. The acting is totally uninspired, the film making skills are totally void and the fact that CV remade it and did it WORSE is rather criminal. AVOID. I would demand my money back if there were money involved.
Beverly Hills Bordello: Janet & the Professor (1998)
Dud
Most of the episodes of this soft-core bonanza of skin and fake intercourse are somewhat passable due to the attractiveness of the ladies and the abundance of suggestive poses during the fake coitus.
The problem for THIS episode is that we're supposed to believe that Janet is a college student...she looks like she's a bit old for the part, though attractive enough...BUT the Professor is a decidedly unattractive guy. Sure he fits the part of "dude that works out a lot"...but he's NOT a good looking guy we're supposed to believe this college student is so very attracted to. I don't buy it, my wife didn't buy it. It's a dud, dude.
Beverly Hills Bordello (1996)
Top notch stuff....you WISH!
Sure, it's a skin-max type of show with soft core written all over it. Why is it so disappointing? The "acting" is amongst the most amateurish you will come across short of a Fred Olin Ray presentation. The only real difference is on this show, the ladies aren't trying to act like heroes in a poorly contrived "shoot over the weekend" piece of detritus.
Make no mistake: the women are beautiful. That does not take away from the terrible plots, painful acting and intolerable music. The only real highlight is Nicole Gian who lit up the screen every time she entered the room. Unfortunately, she's nowhere to be found in season two being replaced by Gabriela Hall and Monique Parent...neither of whom could carry the part.
What's to like? Lots of skin. What's not to like? The strained plots, the amateur-hour talent and the never seen happy finishes. Even faked, it'd be better than fading to pillow talk as done most of the time here.
And finally...the generic "jazz" saxophone. You'd BETTER like generic saxophone music. It's almost like getting it on in an elevator with the music turned up too high.
Watch for the skin. Don't have a single other expectation.
Hollywood High (1976)
Leave for the acting, plot, writing...stay for the nudity.
A really sad, bad movie in terms of cinematic value. The writing seems to come from a 8th grader hitting puberty after watching too many Happy Days episodes and the Fonz. Really bad.
Should it be dismissed as campy? The completely amatuerish acting is so bad you really cannot be that forgiving.
So does the movie have any reason for being? Yup. Rae Sperling, Sherry Hardin, Marcy Albrecht and Susanne Severeid all display the goods plenty enough to keep interest for those who came for nudity. Rae and Susanne are especially fetching.
Continuity is just terrible as well. 2 for the cinematic values, 9 for the bodies. 6 for overall. The girls save the cellulose.
The $50,000,000 Cherry (1987)
How Videotape Ruined An Industry
Filmed and released in 1987, it's a vivid example of why videotape was so bad for the porn industry. Aside from the cheap chyron credits and the bad use of the video fader, the use of videotape allowed for more production to go on at lower costs than film. You might think this is a good thing. However, not having to be conservative due to the cost of film and the processing of film, video allows for scenes to on and on and on and on.
The $50 Million Cherry is just one of those films. The sex scenes are painfully long due to the lower cost of production and *I* think editors not being used to having all the new whiz-bang effects available to them more readily.
Amber Lynn and Samantha Strong have a nice girl-on-girl scene as Sam has to remain a virgin for just one more night to get a large inheritance. Well, these two have been going at it for some time. Family member scheme to ruin Sam's virginity at the last minute so that big paycheck will get divided amongst them. Of course this involves giving Sam a mickey so she gets worked up and susceptible to their advances.
The acting between the scenes is just terrible. Actors that had to actually act on film are getting away with half-hearted efforts in this too-long-a-slog of a movie. Four out of ten. Maybe watch if you've already watched every other film available to you.
Superstore: Shadowing Glenn (2018)
Faulty deep in the plot.
While I generally find Superstore funny and the subplots amusing, this one has a major blunder in Amy ordering too many ice pops. Superstore spoofs WalMart, Target and other megaopolis stores. Not in ONE of these stores are the managers, supervisors, assistants responsible for placing product orders. Amy ordering too many anything wouldn't happen because the local stores don't order product. That takes place at the distribution level or even higher. The local personnel just don't have that responsibility OR ability. If they have ANY leeway, it's to request more the distribution center. It just made the rest of the development on this plot un-amusing.
The Big Bust Theory (2013)
I blame videotape
When videotape became the prime recording medium over film, the overall quality of what got put to production went down. Film was relatively expensive, video is just a fraction in cost. So some plots and stories that never would have seen the sound stage get a chance.
Big Bust Theory is just one example of this phenomenon. It happened in the porn industry as well. Video killed the "golden age of porn" because it cost practically nothing to film the worst stories and plots.
BBT has such a flimsy and moronic plot, you will feel serious guilt over wasting the viewing time on this bust of a "movie." It's supposed to be a spoof on Big Bang Theory and really, the only representation of the original source is that they can both be shortened to "BBT." There's some enticing sexy girls all in badly simulated "cable ready" sex. There's terrible dialogue and even worse acting. Damned videotape....
Awkwafina Is Nora from Queens (2020)
Trying too hard, no results
I tried watching this with my wife and after three episodes, we both laughed a total of zero times. The jokes are cliche and often NSFW for the sake of trying to get a laugh. The lead character has a sympathetic draw to her, but the awful acting takes away from getting into the story OR the jokes. I asked my wife if I was missing something as maybe the jokes are meant to be funny to women (?) but she said that if that were the case, it fails because she didn't find the attempts at humor successful or at all worth the time. The grandmother is a cute character, but between this and "Fresh off the boat" I have to wonder if this is another cliche that just doesn't carry the show very far.... Tried it, didn't care for it.
The Big Bang Theory: The Beta Test Initiation (2012)
One of the Earliest "Jump the Shark" episodes
While every episode needs multiple plot angles to engage all the characters, it became tedious over time for the writers to keep them engagING. We get to see "Fun with Flags" for the first time and Penny and Leonard begin their final approach to getting married as they start the "beta test" that led to them finally getting together and STAYING together....but in this episode we're weighed down with the ridiculous notion that Raj is falling for his phone and the Siri virtial assistant feature. It doesn't play well and Kunal Nayyar makes it even more evident as he labors to be funny. Raj is the weak point of the cast most of the time and this episode makes that abundantly clear. I as a viewer grew so tired of "Poor Raj" in the latter seasons and this is one of the earliest examples of the writers falling back on that plot device. What jumped the shark? Raj's sub-plot.
Brooklyn Nine-Nine: Moo Moo (2017)
Excruciating
This episode exposes the weakness of the writing and acting at the same time. A very ham-fisted attempt at dealing with a serious matter all the while TRYING to remain a comedy. Just at the root level, Terry Crews is a terrible, terrible actor. To put it on him to present a "bad stop while being black" and build a whole episode around it just emphasizes the lack of resources that are/were available to the show in terms of acting skill and writing abilities. Why did I watch it? Cuz South Park follows it on Comedy Central. Was waiting for this dreck to end so something entertaining might come on afterwards. How this lasted 8 seasons just shows they're having a difficult time finding anything to fill air time.
Spirit of Seventy Sex (1976)
Jokes can be too bad
Of course this is a spoof porn featuring "historical figures" played by stars of the day. Annette Haven is the featured female and damned well should be. But what takes a lot away from this film is the ghostly narrator (in modern day Boston) who makes such pitiful jokes...akin to maybe 6th grade level locker room quips...that it just makes you want to turn the show off. The depiction of Ben Franklin as a dottering old fool is ridiculous as he was very well known as a "productive" philanderer. He got around and knew his way around.
The ladies wear modern lingerie under their period costumes, have bikini tan lines and can't "thee and thou" their way out of the 1970's. It's supposed to be a spoof. I get it. What I didn't get was any enjoyment beyond the incredible Annette.
Chris Rock: Selective Outrage (2023)
Had its moments, had some off ones too
I'm not the biggest Chris Rock fan on the planet so I came into viewing this special hoping for more than was delivered. Of course The Slap was going to get mentioned and the running joke about upsetting rappers didn't get old in the one hour time frame.
I do appreciate that Rock isn't worried about offending people. To that notion, he's still old school and that is a good thing. Some of the connection to the audience felt strained with his "yeah, I'm rich and my kids are spoiled"...is that playing well with the audience? There's some hard silence at some of the "jokes" about abortion. Sounds kind of sophomoric with the commentary about female vs. Male power struggle.
The Slap segment was going to be the most anticipated set of jokes. Jada is still on the joke table, Slappy gets skewered and the man who said you'd never see him playing the victim still seems to do just that.
I laughed a few times, thought "oh, that might have gone too far" a couple of times and chalked the hour off as not wasted, but wish I had a laptop fired up for the slow times.
Brooklyn Nine-Nine (2013)
Constant Insult
Why would someone tune in week after week to a show that is a constant insult to anyone with even a modicum of intelligence? Seriously!
When a show is canceled by FOX, you have to know it's done! But NOOO, NBC...long desperate to return to it's ratings heydays of Seinfeld and the like, pick up the dying pigeon and try and breathe life into it's decaying corpse.
Between plots that are so ridiculous and Andy Samberg's constant smirk-face, the writing falls flat episode after episode. If you had any respect for Andre Braugher from his days on "Homicide"...that good will is thrown to the dogs in this farcical attempt at humor. Is it BAD to be bad comedy? Or is it just plain stupid? My vote is for the latter.
The Big Switch (1968)
"Take Two" never uttered
This film takes bad to a whole new level. It's very clear that second takes were never attempted throughout the filming. From actors flubbing their lines and the flubs remaining in the final to waiting for two vehicles to enter a roadway and having to LITERALLY wait as oncoming traffic from both sides delay the shot. We sit and wait for traffic to clear, one vehicle pulling into one lane (blocking one car that had the right of way) and then turning on to the roadway and the second following close behind, still blocking a car that had the right of way.
The acting is terrible, the plot is impossible to follow...as if they made it up according to whatever they were able to catch on a good exposure of film...and the sound track. Oy...the sound track. Trying to imply action where there is none.
If you enjoy schmalz, this might be for you. If you prefer viable films with something to say...avoid.
The P.T.X. Club (1988)
A Plot Potential Skewered By Crew with No Potential
The PTX Club is a movie shot during the transition from film being the main medium to video tape being the format of choice. To coin a Buggles song, "video killed the porno industry" in many many ways.
Film was more expensive and by that factor alone, a lot of bad movies were never shot on 35mm because of the cost. Video tape took that concern out of the equation and the result was that worse and worse movies were shot. This is one such movie.
The PTL club was ripe for the picking for doing an adult picture and potentially a good one. The "babe" in the plot was attractive and ended up doing some softcore mag shoots and music videos with Sam Kinneson. This movie takes a look-alike and some terrible makeup on some guys (who remembers most of the guys) and puts time in different scenes (one where the preacher is going to counsel a wayward soul right in his bedroom...no attempt at plot development) and pretty much just get after the dirty deed.
Add some "religious-sounding music" constantly droning in the background and you've got the makings of a really bad, terribly boring adult pile of garbage. The camera work breaks every convention of shooting and editing, the acting ...well, there's nothing I would call acting... and the pitiful dialog and you can consider yourself worse off for the time you'll never be able to reclaim.
Spotlight (2015)
One actor drags on the film
A pretty strong cast that is pulled down a bit with the over-acting of Mark Ruffalo. It's a riveting true-life story and one that can rattle your catholic faith if you're not familiar with the minutiae of the details.
But the strong casting, intense plot are often out-shined by Ruffalo beating up his lines. He should stick to being the Hulk where he gets paid for beating things up and not just his performance.
Keaton performs better than in most of his roles...but if you're familiar with his work, you see "Keaton being Keaton" through much of the film.
Acting aside, it's a compelling movie simply for the facts it portrays.
Love Scenes (1984)
Clear sign of career decline
Tiffany Bolling is indeed attractive. The peak of her career was in the 70's. This and a couple other pics were indicative that the roles were fewer in number and lower in appeal.
Love Scenes suffers from some pretty bad acting and even worse sound track. Gives this a feel of cheap late-night Cinemax viewing. That's not good.
I watched for Bolling, I left for just about everything to do with this show. The sound track...good lord.
Parasite (1982)
Careers Should Have Been Cancelled.
Based on this and this movie alone, we should have been done with Demi Moore. In fact any name in the opening or ending credits should have been banished from any reputable movie making house for eternity. The fact it was shot on film was a total waste of cellulose.
AVOID. If you read this before even trying to view the film, I will have saved you the 1 hour and 20 minutes this vacuous time killer would take from you.
Incubus (1981)
Glad I didn't See It in 1981
But I AM sorry I watched it in 2022. Cassevetes brings acting to a new low in this his performance here. But the real klinker is the ending. Save yourself...pass on this.
Assembly Required (2021)
Trying Too Hard
While trying to revive the chemistry of "Tool Time" from Home Improvement, let's keep in mind those "conversations" were scripted. Here, it's more the real personality of the guys and their new expert. Richard is kind, Tim's trying too hard to be snarky Tim Taylor again.
I don't care for the remote concept...guys working in their own shops. It might be the nature of utilizing the creativity of each builder, but I personally would prefer the group competing face-to-face for at least the first task as done on the show this one is copying: Forged in Fire.
Judging is widely subjective which allows for WAY too much leeway in picking a winner. It's just the first episode so maybe they can tweak it along the way...but as is, I don't see it lasting.
The Langoliers (1995)
So bad you can't look away
This adaptation is ruined by bad F/X, bad acting and bad direction. Amateurish acting from performers who were capable of far better. The dialog is classic terrible King. This should never have been done. But it kept King loyalists happy for some reason.