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Time Cut (2024)
only for the wokes so stay away sane people
Disclaimer: This platform is not a good choice if you have an opinion that doesn't conform and offends the woke community (although I see reviews that mention politics and religion all the time but ofc that's okay).
Anyway, I'm not sorry. Especially for the proper Christians out there, do not watch or encourage this. Not like it's that hard cos it was trash. This movie was made by Gen Z for Gen Z. Like everyone is saying, this is a cheap ripoff of Totally Killer except there's forced LGBTQ content (makes sense why Netflix has it) shoved in that does nothing for the plot. They're literally the minority but with the amount of times they're shoved into movies for NO reason at all, you'd think they're the majority. The conversation surrounding it was also stilted and genuinely uncomfortable. They kept making comments about how being straight was bad but it's like if straight people said that about gay people, they'd get triggered. Double standards much? Oh and 'really cool people come out'? Bro, no one cares. I thought this was supposed to be a serial killer time travel movie? What does that have to do with the movie? Literally nothing. It's just a movie pushing a political agenda, and I'm so glad not many people have seen it. Of course people are too afraid to mention it in the reviews but it was way too overkill.
There's no interesting deaths or chase sequences, everything happens off-screen and most of the on-screen moments are of the main character (I forgot her name lol) standing around. The acting is horrendous and the 2000s music conveniently placed is so cringe. Show me it's 2003, don't try to tell me by putting on random music in the background. You can also very clearly tell it's an indie movie just from the beginning. Also why did she want to save a sister she only knew for two days? I'm sorry but you're still just strangers. The motive also didn't make sense. The bullying? Yes, okay fine, but it would have made sense if he killed Ethan and the people that oh, I dunno, ACTUALLY BULLIED HIM?! Instead he wanted to kill Summer because she rejected him and laughed but we're supposed to support her despite her being an OBVIOUS bully toward him on many occasions just because she's lesbian? Gross.
'Twists' were predictable, my friends and I guessed it early on. Most of us fell asleep and I walked out. Just a bunch of dem nonsense that isn't worth a true movie buff's time tbh.
Speak No Evil (2024)
For enablers and feminists I guess
First of all, before I even dive into this....mega dung trash that it was, lemme be clear: I had HIIIGH expectations because of the rating on IMdB but it's like I never learn to not trust this site and its reviewers full of bots. Even worse is how people are more triggered by the weak beta husband than his partner who is literally the worst wife ever. Ah but I guess people are either too afraid to talk about that in case they risk offending or maybe they think that his attitude excuses her behaviour.
Gross.
Let me start with the mum. She was an enabler and a horrible wife, mum and person. She literally cheated on her husband but acts like she's the victim and blames him. She even says in front of other people that he's lucky if he gets the chance to have sex with her. WHAT. If the roles were reversed, women would be up in arms! The hypocrisy is actually wild, but again no one mentions that in their reviews? Were we watching the same movie? And I'm sorry but at the end it's still HIS fault? She was unhappy so that automatically justifies her actions, does it? And the husband just stood there just taking her victim tantrum cos...why? Bro is a simp, literally the embodiment of spineless men who stay with their cheating wives (who feel empowered by the fact that they will stay no matter what they do) and then proceed to cry about said unfaithful wives. I understand why he barely listened to his disgusting wife and felt free with the other two but they were all horrible people. And don't get me STARTED on her high-and-mighty 'vegetarianism is good for the environment and meat eaters suck' rants. Maybe try bettering yourself before trying to better the world? Just a suggestion.
The entire movie pissed me off. I'm supposed to root for this family when they don't even care about each other? Cheating is one of those things that majority of people will never forgive so that was a weird flaw to go with for this sort of movie. I especially hated how awful the husband was portrayed to be despite the poor guy having gone through so much-of course the wife is the only one with common sense (which she doesn't have when she cheated on him like hello, just get a divorce?) and the courage to fight which helps them escape. Bro just freaks out or hides. Because feminism. Woo. Cue eye roll.
The plot had a decent amount of tense moments and it was interesting but it wasn't enough for me to like it or justify all the other things I hated about it. The only good thing about this movie was James McAvoy, he was fantastic! I love his acting, he always really gets into his characters and the little quirks he adds to them just make them so much more real.
A total bore, though. Don't even bother with this one.
The Pale Blue Eye (2022)
a dark whodunnit rollercoaster
Colour me surprised, this was a great movie. I'm no reviewer, I just love voicing my opinion, controversial or not, but I have nothing but good fluff to say about this one.
The sets were brilliant, the costumes? Oh my god, it was like it took me back in time. It's one of those movies where you don't need to be told what year it is or where it's taking place because you can assume from the sets (the bar where the only source of light are candles is a great little detail that brings the movie to life), the weather and the costumes. The movie's backdrop was completely dark and eerie, in the sense that there are no bright popping colours, consistent with the brutal topics of murder and rape. It fit perfectly well, and they did a good job of making you feel like you were watching a cosy mystery. If you're not into gothic style movies then maybe skip this one because the dreary backdrop stays consistent throughout (the landscapes are brilliant though so maybe stay for that at least). The slow burning detective story gave me Sherlock Holmes vibes, which is probably why I enjoyed it as much as I did.
The story did a good job in tricking us into believing it was done by Lea and her brother, who weren't overtly suspicious, but had the aura of people who were sucked of any life. So when the reveal of them being Satanic psychopaths was made, I wasn't exactly shocked. It raised questions (that weren't answered) like whether there really were ghosts or demons involved? Because the father actually claims she stopped becoming sick. Maybe this could be equated to the placebo effect, where she thought doing this, making a deal with the Devil, would actually help her and so she convinced herself it had. I still don't know. Still, I was satisfied that despite their selfish efforts to keep Lea alive, this family has blood stained forever on their hands and they will never find peace. Perfect torture.
I loved the actor that played Poe. He embodied him in a way that was so endearing, and so charming, that I wanted to see more of him than Christian Bale. His character was eccentric in a loveable way. When he cared for someone, he cared deeply. And you know that just from his confession of him having his mother speak to him in his head. Normally you'd think he's crazy, but you get the sense that that is how he copes with the grief of losing the only one who ever loved him in his life, and keeping them forever alive in his memory.
I loved the dynamic he had with Landor, it was like a father-son duo when they were in the same scenes together, bouncing off ideas from the other or testing what each other knew (mainly Landor), and it was adorable which made the ending so much more emotional to watch.
Speaking of emotional ending, what was that twist?! I couldn't help but tear up. Everything finally fit into place like a puzzle piece, and it made sense why he was hesitant to investigate at the start. He was afraid he'd been found out, and why he wanted to test Poe on his findings of the evidence to see if he would catch up. Maybe he was afraid, but I think he was also impressed since he later mentions that he wanted Poe to find out because he was the only one who could/would. Bale had a perfect cover up in the form of Lea and her brother who were psychopaths in their own way, as if he was being given a chance to right the wrongs done to his daughter. The plight of a father having to watch his own daughter deteriorate right in front of his eyes and not being able to do anything to help was heartbreaking. I loved how this wasn't told to us, but shown through a flashback. It made it more brutally immersive, and it's like the director pulls the wool over your eyes like 'hah!' and you feel mad at yourself that you felt guilt and pity at the start for these men that were cruelly murdered. In actuality, they deserved that and more. The third rapist who escaped knowing what was coming had it the worst, that is, never knowing when his day would be the last and having that guilt hanging over his head until his last breath. It was so powerful, I was clapping like a maniac.
Poe ends up burning the evidence at the end, despite cutting off their relationship from this point onward. I think he knew what Bale intended to do, maybe. His death was very symbolic. Dying the way his daughter did, the same place, the same weather, the same position, it was like he wanted to connect with her for a final time, being worthy of joining her only once justice was served because he felt helpless as a father. I did cry like a baby, I admit, and the musical score, though beautiful, didn't make it better.
I only had one annoyance with the movie. Poe, despite being nearly murdered by his crush who manipulated his feelings, still feels more empathy for her than the man who lost his daughter to rape and suicide. Maybe he knew Landor was already long gone by the end, planning to end things himself. Either way it was a satisfying but a very bittersweet movie. Word of caution: it is extremely slow, but the end is worth it.
Garudan (2024)
Baffled
I am unashamed to admit that I love this actor now and can't see how I ever hated him before? I usually only watch Tamil movies here and there and when this guy shows up as like the comedic-relief-friend, in my head I think 'ugh'. I'm sorry, but it's an automatic response. It's not just him, any comedic relief in Indian movies always annoy me until they're given the rare opportunity to truly stand out on their artistic talent alone in gems like this. They're actually so versatile, they just don't get many movies to show that. It's how it was for me with this guy, Soori, and even Yogi Babu until his movie Mandela (another amazing movie that completely flipped my opinion on him) came out. In regards to this movie, I'm still kind of baffled. How is this the same guy? Because lemme tell you when I say I *loved* him, I'm not even exaggerating. The guy can act! He went from a faithful, humble man to a bumbling fool to a psychotic blood thirsty fighter all in the one movie but very subtly that you're not like 'where did that even come from'. There are motives behind each of his actions so they're not made to feel random. His character quirks are consistent all the way to the end. He was such a complex character that it gave me goosebumps. The beginning was actually set up well. There were jokes that I actually found funny (when he thinks his lover's friend likes him and he jumps into the well to save her even though dude can't swim lol). I like that they made his character funny too because it made him loveable.
I haven't actually seen this plot being done before, at least not from what I can remember. It's about choosing between loyalty vs fairness/what is objectively right and wrong. Our hero is the former, consistently faithful irregardless of him being a heartless beast because said beast took him into his own family as a brother when they were kids because the hero was an orphan. It focuses on the villain's henchman and his incredibly slow realisation and eventual acceptance that the man who he would give his own life for and loves more than himself, is actually a sociopath. It's so amazingly done and acted out that I was immersed from start to finish.
I was honestly enraged that Soori stupidly left Adhi alone the day he had decided to give the deed to Karuna, despite seeing all the knives and swords there. Did he not suspect it? Or perhaps he did deep in his heart, but his bias towards Karuna made him foolishly believe he would never kill his best friend. I think he was in denial most of the movie, which would explain why he was in such a hurry while eating, like that bad gut feeling you get when something is going to go wrong but you don't know the specifics. In fact, if you think about it through his perspective, Karuna really hasn't done much except show how selfish he is-not how much of a murderous monster he is. So maybe he truly didn't suspect him to ever hurt Adhi. And maybe my past of watching Bollywood movies have given me unrealistic expectations where the hero swoops in to save the day like a superhero. Adhi's death scene was so brutal that it was kind of hard to watch, not just the violence but him, even till the end, looking out for Karuna when he got cut and then proceeding to let him kill him because he didn't want to hurt him. He threw away genuine love that is so rare in this world for money. Unni Mukundan as Karuna was fantastic! The actor matched the character and that loose screw vibe they were going for. He was so fantastic I wanted to sock him in the fricking mouth, so his death was incredibly satisfying, if not a little too late.
Surprisingly there's not really much romance in it which was a relief, because usually I feel as though they shove it in just because without any real reasoning. They did that here at the start but only to establish he wasn't incapable of romance, that he was a simple guy with a heart of gold (also shown when he rescues the cop's daughter at the very beginning). It was more focused on the familial drama and political corruption that's so rampant in India (which is done too much in Indian cinema ngl) but the plot used to explore that was an interesting one, so I found myself enjoying it.
The addition of the cop was meh. He did serve a purpose but personally I felt like he didn't really add anything extra or special to the plot except for being a convenience to narrating the story and getting our hero out of jail. That's just me being nitpicky.
It'll take you on a rollercoaster ride. I say it's totally worth the watch!
The Exorcism (2024)
Exorcise this movie from my brain please
What was this movie? Seriously, what was it? Why is Russell Crowe in this? Why? So many why's. The story made no sense. There's no plot. They sacrificed good storytelling to shove as much politics into it as they could, and it left such a sour taste in my mouth. I felt cheated. This entire movie was less like a movie and more like a joke, and I'm not even kidding.
Father has drinking problem because...trauma from childhood. We're led to believe it's assault or whatever, but it was actually a cult? I don't know, the movie never makes that part clear. Daughter is typical American teen mad at...uh, religion because of 'patriarchy' and its 'outdatedness' and will bring it up whenever she can just...because? I don't think movies have the right to disrespect any religion, and considering these are the same people who would protest disrespect on behalf of *other* religions, comes across hypocritical.
Anyway, you know the drill, daughter is gay and so is mad at the world and at anyone who isn't accepting and forces acceptance through vandalism because...that's okay to do obviously. Pretty much sums up how people are in 2024 lol. Father is possessed by demon from the movie. But why? How? Is it because of the ritual that was possibly done when he was younger? Were the 'priests' from his childhood actually Satanists? It's made clear that the only people that are being targeted are the men that play the priest in the movie but why? Why was he left alone and just merely possessed while Joe and the guy at the start (who I'm guessing was a priest too? I only remembered he existed because of the trailer I rewatched for this review despite having seen the movie yesterday) were killed? I was waiting for answers I never got. Instead, we're being bombarded with boring moments of him sleepwalking and covered in blood. What he does during these moments are never shown or told. Then there's the annoying director poking the bear with the most vile things a human could say to another, but is never punished for it. Is he restricted to only killing priests or those that play that particular priest? But WHY? This is a demon. Why does it have a boundary or a limit to who and what he kills? There's no explanation for it.
It was an hour and thirty three minutes of pure dog poo. And that's me being polite. We alternate from the movie set and their house, the latter which we see in every other scene for a maximum of ten seconds before the words 'shoot day (bla bla)' comes up only to proceed with more nothingness. How can a movie be so bland? And oh my god, then there's that scene when Russell Crowe literally jumps from his window only to be chilling in bed the next. I get it's a couple of days later but hello?! Man jumped from an apartment building and he's still alive?! No broken bones? No bruises?! What is he, fricking Superman now that a demon's in him?
And don't even get me started on the scene where the daughter and her girlfriend are 'exorcising' the priest with the father. My friends and I were cackling. It is now dubbed a comedy. Because someone please tell me what that was. There was no rhyme or reason to it, like a scene from an indie movie where they looked at a horror movie outline and saw that a must-have for every horror movie is an exorcism. And then there's the most laughable dialogue ever. Hard to believe that strong non-believers suddenly believe in God. I get that it's because they know demons are real now but usually there's something called character development where they actually do research into this or start to pray or something but we don't get *any* indication from either the father or the daughter. Russell Crowe also claims that he doesn't know the prayer because it's been years and yet during the climax, magically he remembers the words in perfect order. Yes. Believable. Especially since he spends most of the movie sitting in a chair, possessed, while the latter is too absorbed with her new girlfriend. Oh, and the flashing lights were so extra. Who was in charge of that? We were being blinded so much we couldn't even see the screen! If its intentions were to hide the awful climax, they did a good job. Well, actually not really because it made it worse. We're also given the hint that the daughter doesn't really have respect for authority (the whole vandalism thing and being expelled) or religion, so her getting along with the priest right from the start was so odd, like it was out of character and only forced for convenience's sake.
Russell Crowe is a good actor but my god, is he on a mission to be in every movie with the word exorcist or exorcism? Because I swear this is the third one with him in it. Now the movies are all merged together so I can't even comment on the others. I can't believe he actually read the script of this movie and thought it would help his reputation and not be the massive stain it is. The blonde girl can act but the other girl? She was always whining or crying every time she was on screen. She barely even spoke now that I think about it. She was just...there.
A massive waste of time and money. Please, please, save it and watch Garfield or something. At least there's more of a chance you'll enjoy it and less of a chance they'll mess it up.
A Quiet Place: Day One (2024)
Yawnfest
This really did have the potential for a great story, like the first A Quiet Place that came out years ago. They barely spoke but it had such a fascinating plot and the characters were fleshed out just enough for you to actually care. There was so much tension in that. There were internal and external stakes.
For the characters in this movie, sure there are external stakes but internal? Um, apparently none. All they do is...walk around because they're not too fussed about escaping anytime soon. It moves at such a snail pace, even during the first five minutes of the movie. I was already restless because it felt like there was so much talking but nothing happening. Which is weird because when they're NOT talking, nothing happens either. And when she does talk, it's mainly always about pizza, which is supposed to be symbolic I guess and we don't find out it's more about the place being her 'home' than the food itself but come on, by the time we get there, I was already half asleep.
Both the male and female characters don't really seem to be people either, just cardboard cutouts. She just wants a slice of pizza as like a last meal before she dies because of an undisclosed disease. She doesn't even want to survive. So why are we following her story if she has no will to live? I should feel pity for this woman I have no idea about? But I'm given no strong backstory to go off of. She's got more of a story than the dude that follows her like a little pet, though. All we get from him is that he's in law school. Okay. You'd think studying law, he'd be smart enough to have common sense at the very least? You know, by leaving the weird lady walking the wrong way with her cat alone and just go off and try to survive himself? Speaking of survival, I expected a survival horror/thriller where they're fighting for their lives, not a sad drama where she just wants to die in the pizza place her dad used to play piano at. The whole tone felt off. The cat constantly being their guide back to each other like some sort of string was way too coincidental. No cat is that flipping obedient, you can't convince me otherwise, movie or not. There were some bizarre moments where they would be breathing heavily or grunting and nothing would happen but a small foot shuffle (or that scene in the water where he was gasping) caused a massive commotion. Seemed inconsistent.
I have to mention the volume of the movie. I swear most of the time I could not hear a thing that was being said, and I was at the movies. It was literally just short puffs of air with gibberish. I don't know if it was their whispering or the editing, but I didn't even realise Eric was British until near the end. Or that his name was even Eric.
Also, again, why did he decide to follow her instead of taking her advice and going the way everyone is to, you know, escape?! There was no solid reason given for him to risk his life to stay with her and literally go around in circles...only for him to leave her behind and escape anyway. So was the whole roundabout journey even necessary when his life is literally at stake? I'm pretty sure a friend wouldn't even do that, let alone a stranger. It just didn't make sense to me. We're not really told anything about him to know if this is normal for him like if he's an empathetic sort of person to not want anyone to be left behind or if he's afraid of being alone or if he saw something in her that reminds him of himself or someone else or whatever. We're left to come up with a reason ourselves, and I hate when movies like this make characters ambiguous. They're supposed to be and feel real, especially in movies where there's the whole 'end of the world so let's share our deepest, darkest secrets' theme going on so we care about whether they live or die. There was only the 'end of the world' part here. I have to say though, there were only two exciting scenes in the whole movie, both of which included Eric. One where he was climbing up the beam to get the cat and the creature was so close to his face, if he made the slightest noise, he'd be dead. By the way, up close those creatures are fantastically made, incredibly beautiful in a frightening way. So points for that. But at one point, they zoomed out to a Birds Eye point of view (or from one of the helicopters), and it was so goofy. They just looked like gigantic spiders. Anyway, the second great scene that had me holding my breath was when Eric had to run along the bridge with the cat to jump into the water while they all chased him. That was so well shot, and the stakes were amped. Loved that part. So it wasn't like they didn't know how to include enjoyable tense moments, it's just that they decided not to? Which makes the whole thing so much more disappointing.
Overall, I regret wasting my money lol, it wasn't enjoyable in the slightest. The only reason it isn't a 1 is because I really liked the acting (the little they were given anyway) and the music. It gave me the feels that the story/characters couldn't.
Justice League: Throne of Atlantis (2015)
Grieving the time I wasted
I spend way too much time watching and reviewing these animated movies but for once I'd actually like to like one. I liked the animation and the voice acting isn't completely terrible.
Arthur, who was so lost in grief for most of the movie suddenly forgets about it and his father once he learns he's half-Atlantean and finds a love interest (who he barely knows btw). Batman is boring as usual. Batman fans are going to rage (as is also usual) but it's true. He doesn't do anything except brood since that's his whole personality. He's even useless in the final fight. Superman has a thing for Wonder Woman, which is not a ship I could ever get on board with, and...everyone else is just there. I've always liked Aquaman, I think he's one of DC's cooler characters but in this movie he was weak. Not even power wise, just the way he was written. He sounded fifty, had gills on the side of his neck and loved to swim and yet he never noticed it or doubted that he could be something not human? Also, how did he suddenly know how to use his powers when he was cocooned by his evil brother? It was so jarring, there was no character development, everything just went into fight mode.
Speaking of fights, that was also bizarre. The evil brother's intention was to kill the surface dwellers, so why not just use the tsunami to get rid of everyone and then, if there were anyone left, walk in and kill everyone the good ol' fashioned way? He literally just stops it. His motivations and his actions didn't line up, especially considering the fact he murdered his mother for war. In his defense, I guess he wanted to do it with his own hands. For an evil dictator, I didn't really find Orm all that bad. He didn't kill billions like everyone else kept mentioning he *could* (so can he even be called a successful evil dude?) I genuinely felt pity for the dude-his mum clearly neglected him because of his father, and more inclined toward the half human brother which probably fed into his hate for humans. Maybe it could have been avoided if she was just a good mum, but hey, what do I know?
And WHY, for the love of all things good, would an evil masterminded villain tell random people who have come to defeat him the truth of how the Queen died?! What an absolute buffoon! I get he wanted to boast and see Arthur all mad, but you'd think with all his planning to take over and declare war, he'd be careful about making sure he won his peoples trust enough to be successful.
Shadow in the Cloud (2020)
Woman vs big bad bat
To tell you the truth, I stopped watching when the reveal of the 'top secret package' turned out to be a literal baby.
This movie had a promising premise (as most of the horrible movies do). A horror/action movie based in WWII? Sounded amazing. I thought it would be like Ghosts of War, which I personally really enjoyed, but I was sorely mistaken.
Majority of the movie is shot in a sperry turret with just her and the audience, and it's boring. We're cramped in this space with her just breathing, looking around, and making boring, repetitive conversation with the men through the radio. It's not even dialogue that progresses the empty plot, only mere back and forth about how much they distrust the woman and want to screw her. There were so many opportunities to show a bit more interaction/relationship dynamics with the other crew members so we care about them, and take us away from the claustrophobic scene of nothingness with the female lead.
First of all, where are they going? They're flying somewhere, that's all I know. Did they mention it? Probably, but I guess I didn't care enough. Second, there were female pilots in WWII, so I don't understand why the men were acting as if they'd never seen one or heard one before? It makes sense if their particular crew hadn't encountered a woman, but they were badgering her way too much than was necessary and treating her like she was a homeless woman. They also kept pushing *her* about orders given from the top. At one point, one of the men (not Quaid) say to leave it and that they shouldn't question it but a minute later, they continue. They're trained to follow orders, yes? And yet for some reason they have trouble following this very simple one. They acted like hormonal teenage boys seeing girls for the first time in high school, wasting valuable 15 minutes of the movie. It didn't amount to anything except possibly that interaction between her and Quaid, where you think he just finds her attractive, but there's actually something more going on that you don't find out until later and they used that as an opportunity to give us that hint.
The modern language used, the way she was talked to, was in contrast to the supposed war setting. It was out of place because it felt modern, like it was a play. I understand that we're spending more time with her and therefore seeing everything through her eyes, but the introductions of the men in the black backdrop with menacing lighting in her head later on, was way too extra. Maybe they were trying to be creative or thought it was clever, but why? What was the point of that? Cut to the actual people in the plane instead of having them pose for their introduction, it was just weird. Even that argument between Quaid and the other men trying to open the confidential package should have been in the forefront. We, as the audience, should have been there to see it. Instead, while the action happens above, we're stuck with her, staring at her face repeating over and over not to open the package. This is supposed to entertain me?
Backtracking a little, why is there a bat, I'm sorry *gremlin*, in this? There is no explanation why this creature exists, if they were a result of some sort of government experiment gone wrong to defeat the enemy or something else. They just...exist, for no rhyme or reason. They don't explain why all of a sudden the Japanese have fighter planes that high when the entire time they claim it would be impossible. Well, don't you think that would be an important point to address? Another why, is why did she try to keep a metal hatch closed with her index finger? Who in their right mind would think that would stop this creature that can tear through metal? For someone who is supposedly good at everything (she's a pilot, a good shot, smart, I mean what can't this woman do?), you'd think she'd go for the screw/latch that she broke laying nearby her first. She does it later, but not after adding that unnecessary tension of having a broken finger. She's no smart, independent lady that she tries to portray herself to be. Dumb, desperate lady fits the bill more.
That reveal of the package being a baby was an awful twist, if that's what they were trying to do, because this is not a twist. The package looked like a box. How did the baby survive for that long without suffocating, especially since one of them mention its 'tiny'. Babies scream and cry all the time: no one could hear it through a box? She didn't have to feed it? It doesn't seem plausible. From her boasting (that is actually just whining) the only thing she's good at is being a bad mother.
I personally don't care for infidelity in movies, it's an overused trope that exists purely to excuse the people who do it. How many times have I heard the 'husband abuses me so I had an affair with my baby daddy' trope instead of the 'I cheated because I'm a POS' trope? Multiple times. I know what the director wants me to think, they want me to feel sorry for her and give her a pass on this one. Please stop. I'm tired of it, especially if it's a woman that's doing the cheating. It's rarely because she's plain garbage and more because of the 'horrible man gave me no choice' plot point, because it's always someone else's fault, and not a decision caused by their actions.
For a movie that's supposedly action and horror, there's barely any of it here. It should be replaced with 'drama' because that's what this is. A bunch of talking and dramatics going on but nothing actually happening in front of us. Like I said, I stopped after the baby reveal and that's probably the best decision I've made all day.
0/10 if I could, and I don't even need to finish the movie to know the rating will stay the same.
Sous la Seine (2024)
Evolving sharks or humans just being stupid?
Finding a movie I actually enjoy is a rarity apparently. And if it's number one on Netflix, recommended by everyone, then you just know it's terrible. Sure, it's interesting enough to watch with family but it's not good. This is just another shark movie amongst the thousands of other shark movies that have come out and are still coming out. The best shark movie ever made has been and will be Jaws, and to even compare it to that is an insult. Every other shark movie franchise, to me, is a cheap rip off. But when Hollywood disappoints, I turn to international media because they do a lot better.
This one was not one of them.
Why did Sophia jump into the ocean when she knew she couldn't do anything? She jumps in and then tries to go back. So...why did she do that in the first place? We could ALL tell that there was no way she could go down to help them. The only reason she made such a stupid decision is so that something happens to the main character in the movie for excitement more than any logical sense. In this case, for that tense moment of the shark dragging her down to the depth of the ocean and having her suffer ear damage because of the change in pressure. But does that even come into play later in the plot? No. So why was that involved? To worsen her trauma, I guess.
The whole 'environment activist' thing Mika had going on destroyed the movie's likability. I don't know if they were trying to make her annoying deliberately but it worked. They might have been trying to toggle both sides of the shark 'argument' where dumb environmentalists prove they're dumb humans. Sharks are predators. They don't care about you, but you hold them on a pedestal and coddle them. Anyone who says otherwise, just try jumping into the water with them like Mike did and tell me I'm wrong. Anyway, with Sophia's delicate situation, Mika's actions were extremely disrespectful. She knows the shark killed Sophia's husband and crew and she, rather than feel sorry for her loss or prevent more people from being killed, is more concerned about the shark. Yeah. She's that kind of person. Ugh. Worse, Sophia doesn't even say anything to her. Mika's whole thing was 'this dangerous shark is gonna suffocate in the water, poor thing!' and thinks she knows better than a literal marine biologist. At that point I was like I hope she gets eaten, cause only then will she learn. It took a while, but she did and I was so satisfied. She kept preaching for HALF of the movie, turned off the fricking beacon that could have helped the cops find the shark before it destroyed Paris and yet no one said a word. They were coddling her so much that she led herself to her own death. Speaking of, the tunnel scene was the only good part of the whole movie.
They never explain why Lilith evolved through parthenogenesis. Why was she the 'chosen' shark? There were a lot of moments where Sophia would go 'I don't understand, she's not supposed to (insert cryptic line here)'. And then she never tells us WHY. Uh, hello? I'm waiting for an explanation here. It's like we're just supposed to know that that's abnormal for a shark. Like where she mentions the shark is really big but is only a child. Um, okay, I'm no shark expert but isn't that normal among different species? Them alluding to the reveal of the shark being a new mutant species was hilariously dumb, because there was never an origin point to why. Not even an experiment gone wrong? They could have explained a little more for the uneducated shark noobs like myself. How is Lilith and her mutant babies surviving, btw? Not like they get to eat a lot of humans. There's pretty much nothing but waste and shells in the Seine.
Also the claim is that Sophia's whole crew is dead but there was another girl on the boat with her. She never got in the water so it's clear she didn't die, and yet she doesn't show up in the movie and is never mentioned. It's like she disappears with no explanation. Did they forgot they had her character in there? Someone help me make sense of that.
I also still cannot get over the coincidence that this shark swam all the way from the ocean to Paris. I'm sorry...is this sci fi? Is this shark now human-intelligent and wanted to hunt down the 'last' survivor standing? Do they have some sort of mental link now after that shared traumatic event? That would have been more reasonable than the ridiculous explanation of 'coincidence'. No one even questions that either.
The CGI is subpar. I've seen better. The acting is horrible, especially Adil. When his police buddy gets taken by a shark, his response is so overexaggerated and goofy that it was cringe. Honestly I didn't care if any of them lived or died because the characters didn't have any depth, not even Sophia who we're supposed to feel bad for. She doesn't drive the plot. The nonexistent plot drives her. Speaking of, if you have such a lame, weak shark script, at least try and make up for it by utilising people that can actually act to save the script. The mayor's even worse. Heck, even that muppet Biden could give a more entertaining performance than her. And what was that ending? The whole world is taken over by SHARKS? Really? How did she even get through to the Seine? No one ever mentions how, especially since there's a freaking wall in the Seine. So that's the lamest thing I have ever heard.
I had more questions than answers after this movie, but the one thing all shark movies have in common is that the humans are always incredibly stupid in them, even the ones that are supposed to be scientists. So maybe Paris did deserve to go underwater.
Mortal Kombat Legends: Cage Match (2023)
cage me in a box until I forget this movie existed
I feel unusually harsh so let me just say it's not TERRIBLE. It was just boring. Nothing really happened, it was kind of dragged out until the very end where the fighting gets 'exciting' and that's me being generous. I just wish I never saw it because it was pointless and did nothing to excite me or make me wonder/wait for what's going to come next.
Don't get me wrong, I'm a huuuuge fan of Mortal Kombat and I loved Scorpion's Revenge which was amazing. The animation, the voice acting, the plot? All great, and even had the vibes of the game. This? Yeaaaah, no, I don't even know what this is but you can do well without having seen it. It's one of those movies. If you told me this was just an animated movie about a cocky superstar and his sidekick, I'd believe it. Having it be a part of the MK world without any MK-ness where no one we all know and love show up (except Shinnok but that's at the veeeeery end so he doesn't really count lol) was disappointing.
By no means am I an expert, but I do know my stuff. And this was just a bad movie. Johnny Cage is my favourite. In this? He's insufferable. This whole movie relies on his 'sense of humour' but while in the games he's charmingly funny, this version doesn't even get close. Okay, yes, I can't lie, there was ONE interaction I found funny where he saved an old lady and insinuated that he didn't mind being pressed up against her. I'll give the writers a pass on that one. I'm going to blame the writers for the awful lines, because the delivery was good. By that I mean his voice actor is the only saving grace because dude can actually voice act. As for the animation...who decided to give Johnny a really bad fake tan and thought 'Man, I did it again. This is the one'. Cos...why? I saw him and literally turned to my brother and asked him why the usual literal white guy was now brown. I legitimately thought for a split second that he had been race swapped or something, only to realise he was given a bad tan job. So bad that even a bad fake tan would just turn you orange. People who don't play MK know about it because of the brutalities and fatalities, so when he's fighting Shinnok, there's X-ray scenes of him what the kick to his knee does and the uppercut breaking his jaw but that part alone looked like it was animated for kids-new Puss in Boots style. It was so goofy that I couldn't help but cringe.
For a movie that's supposedly focused entirely on Johnny, he actually doesn't do much except drive around for majority of the movie and yap. Seriously, he's a very passive character in this. All the action happens around him, until the end for the final battle. I get that this is supposed to be a character development thing as a lead up to the other MK Legends (because hellooo, origin story) but that doesn't mean you slack on entertainment and all you make him do is run or kick a fat guy once. He was more useful tied to the bed.
And Ashrah. Holy macaroni, what was that costume?! Girl was literally wearing an umbrella on her head. This movie should have been titled after her, since it spent so much time focusing on her. She's the most interesting, too, because uh, she actually does stuff. She participates in the action every single time and doesn't just stand around. The kiss at the end also seemed unnecessary. Throughout the movie, they never showed any sort of feelings toward each other or a hint at a partnership that went beyond that. Maybe a little flirting but again, dude's a flirt. So to say it caught me off guard is an understatement. They could have fleshed it out a little more if that was the route they were trying to take by giving hints that weren't so surface level. The movie focuses so much on other things that it's never given time. But even the 'focusing on other things' part failed, because it wasn't entertaining. Not the reveal of him being a descendant of gods and not the whole 'twist' where they'd all set his career up from start to finish. It literally did nothing to add to the franchise, it was of no significance. After finishing the movie, I literally felt empty, like I'd wasted an hour of life with nothing to show for it. The writers could have done so many things with Johnny, man, so this review actually hurts to write. It had a weak, one dimensional plot that my seven year old nephew could have thought of in English class.
On a side note, I did really like Chuck and his buddy-ship with Johnny. That was wholesome. Chuck was the only character I found myself wanting to see more of in the movie so I was glad that he wasn't just one of the sides that show up once and then never again.
To end this long review of nothing, I say it's not worth it. I say rewatch Scorpion's Revenge or play the games. Unless you find pleasure in boring yourself to sleep then yeah, put this on and get comfy.
Dracula Untold (2014)
Who knew Dracula could be a hero?
I read Bram Stoker's Dracula novel years ago, and loved it. Dark movies? Love them. I have only seen one other Dracula movie (the Voyage to Demeter). While that one was pure horror with no added depth (mainly because it was adapted from a chapter of the book) this one is an origin story that I enjoyed. But seeing as there are so many new remakes and stories being told of it, I thought this would be another cliche.
I was wrong lol.
Sadly their plan to start a sequel, which had such an exciting idea, and a new universe was cancelled because it did so poorly. But I say make your own decision. Most of the poor reviews may be due to historians who don't seem to realise that this isn't a recount of actual historical events of Vlad the Impaler and the Turks. Duh. Common sense, though. If you expected that, maybe you should have 1) reread the movie title or 2) watched a documentary instead?
Anyway, the Turks are portrayed as, uh, beyond awful. The Sultan demands 1000 boys and the way the kids are treated by his men, it gives you a good idea of the kind of people they are and gives us more of a reason to root for the somewhat of an anti-hero, which is atypical in a good way. Having Dracula as the titular hero allowed for a grey hero.
This movie was perfectly paced. It wasn't slow even to begin with, it started at a place where everything was already established so it pushed the story forward with that captivating starting introduction narrated by his son. The main characters were developed fairly well even with the limited time they had to flesh them out. The side characters that show up a lot could have been because they did have potential, but they barely spoke and don't serve much to the plot so it wasn't such a big fault. They did a great job of giving the audience a taste of what we'd end up seeing and why Vlad would end up sacrificing himself for his kingdom/family, not just because he is loyal and has honour but also because he has a dark past where he is not afraid to be a monster or do the brutal things that need to be done without question, which would explain his lack of guilt-filled actions later on. The battle scenes were so fun. That one scene where we're seeing him fight through the blade of a fallen soldier was creative, and I thought it was clever. Maybe not so much compared to action movies now, but the effort was there and I appreciated it.
Luke Evans as Dracula was perfect. He had the gentle, peaceful side to him down perfectly but also nailed the dark, pale, brooding aura when he turned. Incredible actor that still managed to touch me despite having been an abused monstrous warrior in the past. He brought depth, even somewhat of a childish innocence at some points, to a very complex character whose childhood and peace was ripped away, and did so authentically. His interactions with his son and wife were so wholesome so his motivation for such a dire change was believable. Charles Dunce was great, obviously. Need I say more?
To tell you that I cried just once would be a lie. The musical score was amazing, really made me want Dracula to drink everyone lol, especially after everything he lost. I loved how they had his people try to kill him once they found out. Just because he saved them, it doesn't mean that they would accept him. They would obviously fear him, see him as Satan, especially in a time of great religious belief. The only thing I don't understand, or a particular gripe, would be how him being Dracula were only rumours that would not have been found out if the monk hadn't seen him avoid the sun? He fought and killed an entire army singlehandedly as Dracula and his small grouped 'soldiers' waiting at the gate never saw anything or thought to question this? Maybe they were afraid for fear of it being true, which would be a plausible excuse.
It had me thinking though: maybe his fate was always to end with death, as a punishment for the villages he'd killed? Even though he did win the war, it was at the cost of his wife and most of his kingdom dying. Him being brought back to life was the second chance given because he chose sacrifice over eternal life as a monster. Because Charles Dunce could have done that, instead he chose to live as a Vampire. Maybe I'm overanalysing it. He did save his son, who he didn't want turning out like him with a fate worse than death, so I suppose in the grand scheme of things, he did succeed. He could have chosen to be selfish and let the others (his people who he turned to forge a vampire army for greater battle success) die when they began to give into their vampire needs. When he willingly gives his son up to the monk, and lets himself turn to ash, it really drove home how, even as a deemed 'monster', while everyone else revelled in the power trip and became stripped of morality, he always knew himself. He let that and his love for his family fuel the internal battle against the urges while battling the external, very real threat. He wasn't the typical good hero/white knight, he yearned for it and became it because of his guilt.
I know I'm being extra with this review, but I just had to put something out there to counter the poor reviews. Because imo, if you're someone who just watches movies for entertainment and doesn't nitpick/take every detail seriously, then go for it. It's worth it.
The Strangers: Chapter 1 (2024)
why
Why was this made if it was the copy of the original? The only difference is that the main characters STAY dead in that one. I mean, I like a good ol' revenge story if that's what Chapter 2 is gonna be but I very much doubt it.
I have many gripes with this. First of all, why are all horror movie characters so dumb? I've been through my fair share of Airbnb's out in the middle of nowhere and if someone that wasn't supposed to be there knocks on my door in the middle of the night, I'm grabbing a knife and calling the cops. There is some sort of reception, by the way, because she ends up calling them while in the woods. So I sure as heck wouldn't be playing the piano (why, Maya, why?) and waiting for them to break into the house to do anything. I'm pretty sure around this point of the movie, she still had her phone on her, too.
Don't even get me started on Ryan. Good thing she didn't marry him 'cause good Lord is he stupid. At one point they're in the woods and these guys are listening for any sounds or movement because it's dark and there's no one around for miles so the tiniest things can be made out. Ryan, being the smarty pants he is, starts to YELL. Um...hello? I don't know if you've noticed, sir, but three psychopaths are in the woods trying to figure out where you are and murder you. I don't know if that was his plan, ya know, to bring them over to him so that he sacrifices himself and she has enough time to run or something--how valiant of him--but nope, dude doesn't even know if she's alive or dead at this stage of the movie. I'll be willing to look over that because he cares about his girlfriend and he's worried she's dead and he's got adrenaline pumping through him, all that good stuff. But then he gets the upper hand, a chance to KILL Dollface, and what does he do? He tries to talk to her. Gives her chances to tell him where Maya is. You can find Maya later, first try and KILL. THE. PSCYHO. Did he really think she'd rat the others out? She starts laughing like the Joker and starts making mating noises and...he still...doesn't kill her? Yeah. She was doing that to attract the others and even *I* knew that but he didn't? He didn't take that split second to kill her? He killed the owner earlier in the blink of an eye but he hesitated with this chick who clearly wants them dead? That took me completely out of the movie and from that point on, I literally did not care if he was dead or alive. He had a chance and he didn't take it, so why should I care about his survival? Of course, he dies in the end, by the way. Not surprised. Did not care.
And why did they keep mentioning his inhaler and zooming in on it multiple times when it did absolutely nothing to help with the plot? I genuinely thought it would either come into play in a good way (I don't know if you can stab someone with an inhaler but hey, who knows?) or a bad way. I guess it kind of did but hey, genius Ryan saves the day by making a makeshift, temporary inhaler during a moment with NO suspense. It wasn't like he was fighting for his life (which he was winning) and started to have an asthma attack. That would have made more sense. Instead it was more like 'oh let me wheeze while there's no one here and the killers are occupied' like okay lol super convenient. Again, don't care, because nothing is happening.
Also the scenes where they actually 'kill' them is underwhelming. One stab. That was it. I'm not saying they had to be chopped or anything gory, but for that whole half hour of chasing, you'd think they'd want to do more than just stab once? That axe was also useless, by the way. They only use the knife to hurt them. Like the masked guy apparently just walks around with the axe because he thinks he looks cool. Maybe to chop wood or something, too.
I gave it a 3 instead of the 1 it deserves because it's actually fun to watch with people. Screaming at the television and getting mad at everyone was entertaining. I did get heart palpitations, not because it was well-shot, but because I was waiting for something to happen and the thought of that scared me. The disappointment that comes with not having those expectations met from the movie itself is another thing.
So there's that.
Mothers' Instinct (2024)
A twisted tale of a mother's grief
I can't imagine being a mother and losing my entire world, especially if I knew I could never have that again. It would turn anyone into a monster.
For Celine, it was obvious that this was the case: the maternal bond between mother and child that never leaves even after death. So if there was any moment where I thought to myself why she was so bloody insane, that thought came back to me and it made sense. While I don't agree with her actions of literally murdering everyone in her way, I actually did pity her. Her husband turned on her and started to blame her. She pushed Alice away and blamed her for not getting to her son in time. Maybe this was because of a deep rooted jealousy that she always had had. I thought this was an amazing start though. Would Alice actually turn out to be the reason Max fell after all? Does Celine know something we don't?
I was excited to know the answers to these questions.
The director, however, quickly veers the story to make Celine the villain. Celine, the grieving mother who can never have another child and who lost her only son, begins to plot to kill her best friend and her husband to steal their son. We're not shown this until very later, so up until this 'reveal', we're kept guessing although the hints make it obvious. It's not an edge of your seat sort of thriller. It's very slow and dragging where you think something is going to happen, but nothing does. Anyway, in many ways, Celine probably saw Alice and her life as superior. With a better husband, and a child she was able to conceive easily while Celine had difficulty, this made sympathising for the latter easy. Alice seemed to have it all and maybe, Celine's sanity was always hanging on by a tiny thread held together only by her son. She was possibly never even 'happy' despite the claim she makes to Alice at the start, living in the facade of happiness and normality that she created for herself.
I knew I was supposed to hate Celine but when everyone she knew began to treat her like she was fragile and a plague, as if she was incapable of the tiniest duties and only spread grief and depression to everyone around her, it was upsetting. A lot of people even in the real world feel uncomfortable and unsure of how to treat people who are going through intense grief and Anne Hathaway depicted the struggle of being on the receiving end of that beautifully. Her acting was incredible! I could see the moment she felt crushed and betrayed by those that supposedly loved her and instead turned their back on her when she needed them the most. I was confused on who to believe at that point and wondered whether Alice really did go insane lol. Knowing what I know now, however, it was clear that Celine was long gone.
It gets a 6/10 because it was actually different from most movies with that twisted ending where she actually succeeds in killing them and adopting their son. The first half was also incredibly well acted and had the set-up for a reallly good plot of a whodunnit and whether or not either mother was in the right or wrong. But by the second half, it dwindles. Instead of trying to make us guess back and forth, the 'who' becomes obvious and the rest of the movie we just have to slog our way through.
Basically, the plot just had Alice finding stuff, blaming Celine, no one believing her with this cycle on repeat (and with people around Celine occasionally dying and yet no one except Alice finding it suspicious). Alice goes through all this detective work...only for none of it to come to fruition. What was the point of bringing any of it (like the pills and the placebo etc) if it doesn't really play a big role in the story? The climax was boring, I didn't care much about who lived/died. You'd think Alice, who suspected Celine was getting too close to Theo and had every reason to fight back, would have the strength to fight a little more. It was like she gave up.
Did Celine want Theo because he reminded her of her son or had she always wanted him? Did she think Theo was better off with her than Alice or is it because she wanted something of Alice's for herself? Or maybe she saw this as finally winning in life where her friend didn't. Her son was taken away from her cruelly and, as a twisted punishment, she cruelly took them away from their son. I would have enjoyed this more, and maybe have had some of those previous questions answered, if we were given a chance to put ourselves in Celine's shoes by giving us scenes in her point of view.
Anyway, it was an okay movie. Nothing spectacular. It was worth watching for the amazing leads and the ending.
Hit Man (2023)
tempted to hire someone to blind me
I need help in getting back the hour (nearly 2, mind you, but felt like 3) I wasted. The real tragedy here is its popularity and hype. Sad that these actors are considered rising stars from this absolute dumpster fire.
The start was actually promising. I was genuinely enjoying it and really thought I'd like Glenn Powell or whatever his name is. I'd never even heard of him before this but yikes, my hopes came down crashing and burning like all my expectations in men do. What on Earth was this? His acting is okay at best. Not great, but good enough to watch, but that's really it. The multiple disguises he did...eh, I didn't buy it. How did none of the people he hired find him suspicious? The Russian accent was so over the top, it was like he was cosplaying. Anyway, 50 minutes into the movie and nothing, and I mean NOTHING was happening. Just a montage of him going through different disguises. Seriously, what is this movie supposed to be? A comedy? Well, no, it wasn't funny. A romance? There wasn't much of a romance, just a whole bunch of making out and sex so it was more of an erotica. I sensed no chemistry for it, by the way, so that wasn't very believable either. Just made for awkward kink scenes. Instead of exploring the dilemma of Gary having to follow his morals and choosing justice over a woman he's falling in love with (which would have made for a more suspenseful movie), he turns into a murderer for a woman he just met and swaps his cats for dogs for her. It was giving hard simp energy. Gag me now. Aren't we supposed to like the leads in a movie?
Also, how is Gary so comfortable and confident that very first time he had to fake being a hitman? It doesn't make sense. There's no internal or external struggle or anything outside of his teaching job that shows us that he's comfortable in switching personalities. We're supposed to be engaged with him, worry for him and fear for him fricking up his first mission. Now that would have been fun to see, especially him growing as a character. It falls flat because he almost seems too perfect at it. Just because he's seen other cops do it doesn't mean he can do the same. That's like saying I've helped around on movie sets and seen people act for years so that must mean I can act.
I'm even more surprised by the positive reviews that seem to be slapped across my face everywhere. These people must either be paid or they just like jumping on the band wagon of anything that Hollywood critics claim is 'good', which by now I know to believe the exact opposite.
The moral message of this movie is messed up and kinda evil. Because there is no morals. The only message that stands out to me is that murder is okay because love prevails. A bucket load of horse dung if you ask me.
Gary is smitten the moment he sees the FL (I forgot her name lol oops). She tries to justify her desire to see him dead because he is bad, but this is never shown. She wants to kill him because...uh, he didn't like her wearing miniskirts? Oh no, what a piece of unworthy trash! It wasn't like she was in an abusive relationship because she literally just ups and leaves him. If it was that easy, why wasn't that her first move? She really needed some random hit man to tell her that for her to leave him. Isn't she an adult? That pretty much confirms her character: psychopath.
Gary, as Ron, supports her despite him being shown as this sweet guy who is always on the right side of the law. Why? Because he's having sex with a woman that looks like a supermodel and he prolly wouldn't ever get a woman like that under normal circumstances as Gary. I understood why his ex wife left him, not because he refused to change but because he's lowkey pathetic. He saw the red flags and just decided to ignore them but boy, these weren't just red flags. These were blatant red sirens. She lied to him about getting divorced and lied to him about killing someone. I'm supposed to believe it'll end happily between them regardless of whether they have kids or not? Who's to say he won't end up like her ex? Does he find that hot? None of it made SENSE.
We're also told Jasper is a jerk and sure, he's annoying and had an ulterior motive but he didn't deserve to die! When Jasper dies in front of them, Gary was shocked for only two minutes. He was strangely more calm about it. For someone who'd never seen a dead body before you'd think he'd react badly. He goes on to label Jasper as a racist, a misogynist to excuse the murder--the movie never shows Jasper as either of those so Gary literally had no qualms about slandering a poor dead dude to fit their convenience. To top it off, bro proceeds to make out/have sex with her despite there being a dead body right in front of them. Is this supposed to be funny? Sexy? No, it was vile. So really he's a murderous psychopath too, but we never get an indication of his fragile mental state tittering on the edge of snapping before all this. There is no mention of any sort of dissociative disorder either (which would have made a little more sense) so...he's throwing away any semblance of who he is as a person and his values for a stranger.
Gary is clearly turned on by all this because he ends up dropping the L bomb at the end. I understand she's beautiful, but really? They don't even know each other or have anything in common, except for the fact that they're both insane. All the moments where they could have tried to make it into a good romcom is made meaningless by a script full of sex, boring dialogue and lacklustre acting. But I guess Hollywood relies on all that to keep the attention of hormonal teenagers---and to cover up the fact that there is literally no plot.
This is the kind of rubbish Hollywood is throwing out there. Hard pass. If there is anyone telling you this is an amazing movie, just run.
Nocturnal Animals (2016)
Haunting
I am not someone who has the intellectual capacity to understand psychological thrillers that hurt my brain. But even when I'm completely lost, I stick to the end to see if there is something that'll make any sense or a clue that'll be the thread for me to latch onto so I can somehow tie it up together for it to make sense.
I gave up throwing out theories of what this was supposed to be around midway. I had no idea where this 'story in a story' was going and questioning out loud if I was just too stupid to understand it.
But then there was this moment in the movie (the end lol) where it all clicked, where I realised I had been looking at it the wrong way and taking it too literally, which is what I believe a lot of the 1 and 2 star reviewers did.
I did a lot of thinking and then went back to certain parts of the movie to interpret it with a new pair of eyes. Susan is a woman too selfish to care about the good things she had in life. She wanted what was greener on the other side because she was never fully satisfied with anything. She is the sort of person that desperately grasps at straws to be something in the world just to prove to everyone she fits in. Funny how she prided herself on never being like her mother, but turns out to be her. Her insecurity in herself and her lack of faith in Edward's love (she describes herself as a cynic multiple times) drove her to destroy a healthy marriage, one that was pretty normal and would make others green with envy, and enter a toxic one. She certainly wasn't wifey material. A comfortable life for these people is a boring one because they aren't at peace with themselves and don't know who they are. Yet, they still enter a relationship with those that do and, like a plague, end up destroying the peace of both. So yeah, I hated her. Despite her being such a horrible piece of rank dung, you stick around to see the punishment because you know it's coming. And since she reminds me of people I know, it makes it all the more immersive.
Edward wasn't perfect, but he was genuine. He was in love with her, willing to give her his all (shown through Tony who will do anything to find his family) which sadly wasn't enough for her despite her claiming that his love would be enough. In actuality, her words contradicted how she truly felt, which is that money and status mattered, not love. To me, it was like a representation of our generation, where height, money, status and fame takes precedence over a man who has nothing but love to offer. Susan wanted something more than what he was able to give her and this was a dealbreaker. So when things got 'too hard', or in another words 'too boring' for her, she leaves him for a better-looking, richer man and aborts Edward's child without ever telling him. I guess no one told her that living in the real world, instead of her fantasy one, would mean big responsibilities.
This crushed me and, for Edward, a simple man who believes in the beautiful art of communication (because there clearly isn't enough of that) this killed him. His idea of revenge was different to what I was used to though, which is someone going on a murderous rampage or an ex-turned-stalker who we end up hating even if he has a reason to be that way. Instead, he conveys his pain and his hatred through his novel.
I will say that at the start I thought he was as weak as everyone else kept pointing him out to be. I thought he was simping after the woman that left him but it wasn't like that at all. His strength came from this whole ordeal and by never lowering himself to her standards, showing her *her* weakness. The murderous hillbillies (the Susan now) left Tony (Edward) to pick up the broken pieces she left behind. His hesitation to kill the hillbillies made sense, because they were a symbol of her and he wasn't ready to let go. He wasn't ready to accept that she was the reason that everything fell apart. His happiness was his family which was selfishly taken away from him, representing the Susan he thought he knew and the child he could have had, were she given a chance to live. I think Tony's death, like another reviewer said, was a symbol of him living again and moving on. To do that, the part of him that loved her had to die.
When she came crawling back to him because the guy she left Edward for turns out to be cheating on her (cos duh, who totally saw that coming), him ghosting her at the restaurant was a reminder that actions have consequences. She will now always be alone and torture herself thinking about him, because that is the life she chose. He won't entertain her as a victim, but as a murderer of a family that could have been. For Susan to live with the guilt of knowing she was the reason for her own unhappiness and to always wonder 'what if?' is the ultimate form of revenge. To tell you I got chills right after the movie ended is not even an exaggeration.
If you're after a movie that sticks in your head long after you've watched it, this is it. Do yourself a favour and don't take it literally like I did. See this through the eyes of Edward and you'll understand.
Batman vs Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2019)
A crossover I didn't even know I needed
I am not a Batman fan at all but it's clear that DC movies aren't afraid of a little blood and gore. They have a sense of 'realism' than what Marvel brings out nowadays. The voice acting in this was superb. Batman was the perfect balance between serious but also not too gravelly that you can't understand a word he's saying. His relationship with Damien and Batgirl was really cute. He isn't the typical Batman you're used to seeing, all disinterested and just a piece of crap to even like. What I liked most about this movie unlike other Batman stuff is that they show him as someone who CAN actually get injured and get a beat down even despite his fancy gadgets--like normal people which he is. He's not an portrayed as this all powerful human like most Batman fans like to think he is and that made it all the more realistic and enjoyable.
I grew up watching the 2003 TMNT so to see them on screen again in an animation style that wasn't too kiddy or goofy only further increased the likability. The turtles were the perfect comic relief as always with that brotherly dynamic you'd expect from them. Michelangelo's (always been my favourite) banter with Alfred was hilarious. It wasn't a dynamic I thought I'd ever see but it actually gave the butler more depth (and surprisingly he was actually funny too) which you don't really see in these type of movies.
All in all a really good movie!
Justice League: War (2014)
Underwhelming
It's good to watch if you got nothing else, but that's about it.
I've seen a lot of animated superhero movies but the voice acting in this was probably the worst, especially Wonder Woman's and Batman's. Who casted them? Her character was also so silly. She waved her sword around to civilians even though she knew they were afraid of her for that reason. I'm pretty sure WW is supposed to be wise, not a bimbo. The dialogue wasn't that bad, some scenes were genuinely enjoyable but it just wasn't executed properly. The delivery was flat with barely any emotion, like it was rehearsed. I had better line delivery skills in my school play and I pretty much sucked.
I actually like Green Lantern as a character (Hal Jordan, not John or whatever his name is) and his voice actor's meh, but he wasn't funny here when he was clearly trying to be. The Flash was okay. Superman was pretty much obsessed with Wonder Woman and gave off dumb blonde vibes especially that one scene where he pointed out the obvious like 'You're strong' in that derpy voice. What is he, a child? I'd expect something like that from Shazam, not Superman. I did like the banter between Batman and Green Lantern though, the scenes they had together was actually funny. Cyborg was great--he was pretty much the only character with any depth although the issue with his dad and the inner turmoil he felt was wrapped up too quickly for my liking. For a movie only given a limited amount of runtime though, I guess it's something you have to expect.
Eternals (2021)
RIP Marvel
I saw this at the movies and boy, I wanted to get out of there so bad. This is coming from someone who doesn't believe in wasting money by walking out of the movies, even if it's terrible. I decided to watch it again purely for review purposes because I have nothing better to do with my life.
My big issue is that there is soooo much going on but not enough time to deal with each issue. Marvel was trying *way* too hard to make it seem like they have all these deep, moral issues tackled. The lame, goofy humour didn't help its desperation to be taken seriously. The superheroes btw? Yeah, they're lame. They barely did anything except talk. A lot. Their outfits? Lame. Like the Power Rangers with the same suits but different colours. Speaking of, I'd rather the action scenes in that than this. Oh, and that little girl/teen with the same name as a soft drink was so annoying. I remember people actually cheered when she got knocked out with a rock, which was the only satisfying part of the movie. The whole 'not interfering in human conflicts' thing to explain their absence for Endgame was a cheap excuse. Um, hello, they do interfere and their technology has been around for years so they've been preventing conflicts. That is what I call interference. And according to some sources, Thanos is an eternal/deviant which means they very well should have been allowed to stop him and just...decided not to? How does that make sense?
Maybe if there were fewer ideas in the plot that they could fully explore and less people to focus on with some sort of character development (remember that, Marvel?), it could have been saved...somewhat. Or Marvel should just stop making movies.
Yodha (2024)
suspenseful story marred by flaws
So there's this Indian task force called Yodha created by our main character, Arun's, father. Because of that, he's very emotionally and personally attached to it. His one major flaw is that he's arrogant and not a team player which comes back to bite him in the butt because when a mission goes awry, the Yodha team is dismissed. While everyone moves on, Arun spirals because he feels like he is responsible for the destruction of the team his father created even though it wasn't even his fault but okay. His personal life dwindles and his wife leaves him (also takes his mum with her lol).
This set-up lasted for 40 minutes. Majority of the film after that takes place on a plane. The anonymous text messages of a hijack reminded me of Liam Neeson's Non-Stop. Not comparable in the slightest of course, they both have their differences but it does have a similar vibe.
The hijacker ends up being one of the terrorists from the start but he's only revealed after everyone is convinced Arun went rogue and has become the hijacker. This made for a suspense that was created fantastically with each 'twist' adding to the stress. It piled one problem after the other constantly making me wonder how this was going to end. I will say that they did try too hard to *make* us accuse certain people that were too obvious. The random two people they chose to focus on was odd. There was a traditional uncle-type man who made scathing comments (but is actually just a good guy who wants to help but why he helps is left to our imagination) and then the young girl studying aviation. I knew it wasn't her because it was obvious the writers were going to kill off the pilots so she can take over and save everyone. Lo and behold, that happened.
There was a lot of tension that was utilised well. The fight scenes were fun to watch, albeit the camera work at the start I found dodgy--I couldn't exactly focus on the fight because it was moving around too much imo--and Siddarth as Arun was incredible (totally not because he's amazingly good looking).
That's where the good ends and the criticisms begin.
The set up was too draggy and too boring. There was a song/montage depicting their romance and his family life which I know is to show us how happy he is at the start but it still doesn't resonate because him and his mother never even communicate anyway. The very first scene where he's told to wait but instead goes off and tries to fight himself was a bad start to the movie. This man is a soldier fighting terrorists at the border. I know I am to suspend belief in these types of movies but really? This man is trained to protect and to serve. Why would he risk a hostages life? It was contradicting. There were five or six of them and he runs after them with a gun--yes, he runs after them WITH A GUN, instead of shooting at them. And when they're on the boat, how did he swim into the river and over to them without them ever noticing? One of the terrorists literally stood at the edge of the boat, watching him.
The climax with the C-4 bomb is too silly not to mention. That ending ruined the entire movie. It wasn't just one, there were multiple taped 4-pipe bombs planted inside. Yet when Arun detonates the block in the fricking air by shooting at it (they're both the same distance from each other and its in the air between them), the terrorist dies but Arun comes out unscathed. No arm missing, no leg missing, not even any blood. Shouldn't that explosion have created a chain reaction and set off the other planted bombs? Regardless of whether it should have or, by some miracle it didn't and he managed to hide in time, Arun still should have been extremely *extremely* injured. When the sad music played, I genuinely hoped he was because it would have been realistic. Not that this movie knows what the definition of that is, but one can hope. When he comes out with that smoke remote thing in his hand with the Indian flag colours just shooting out, I laughed so hard. That was completely ridiculous. I know its to evoke a sense of patriotism but come on, the plot should speak for itself. I'm supposed to accept that this man happened to be carrying that thing around just hoping he'd save the day and be able to use it!? And then near the end it just randomly disappears from his hand lol. God, the directing was just weird.
Had a really nice plot but it was ultimately let down by poor directing choices.
Taare Zameen Par (2007)
proceed with caution
And by that, I mean if you're willing to cry yourself to sleep for the rest of the day.
This movie was actually so beautiful. Of course, for the time it was taken the acting is...meh and the songs are also...meh, but I think for the theme it actually fit. I do have to praise the kid's acting, I literally cried when he felt like he didn't have anyone that understands him and when the mum found that little book of his and flipped through to see how he felt like he was being ripped away from the people that are supposed to love him. A mother's pain was really effectively shown here, reminded me of my own mum who shows a lot more emotion when it comes to her children compared to my dad. It broke my heart when he started to crack though. As someone who cries a lot during emotional scenes in movies, I didn't expect to be crying this much.
There is always that one person in your life that will eventually be the catalyst for a big change in your life. Like a guardian angel. Aamir Khan was that teacher for that little boy. It was such a touching story, a theme that Bollywood doesn't usually explore. This did that so beautifully and in ways that won't offend anyone.
Iron Man: Rise of Technovore (2013)
Not so bad but...also bad
Iron Man and the rise of my confusion.
This wasn't completely unwatchable. I was able to finish it without wanting to throw something. But did I know what was going on half the time? No. Did I have to rewind every couple of minutes to fully wrap my head around the plot? Yes. Did it even have a plot? Uh, I dunno, I can't answer that. Maybe I'm just dumb but seriously, what was actually going on? The 'plot' felt so random, like even the writers had no idea what was going on but wanted to sound all cool and creative so just shoved in a bunch of fancy schmancy futuristic lingo to give it that sparkle it needed. I liked the action sequences, but also it made no sense.
Why was Iron Man even running from SHIELD? Wouldn't it have made more sense, and have increased his chances of fighting against the kid with daddy issues having an extended temper tantrum, if he joined forces with them and gave them the info he needed? All he needed to do was stand down from getting revenge (not like he did that anyway cos it was Rhodey that saved his butt lol so what was the point of *that*?). Why would he intentionally make himself a wanted man? Black Widow and Hawkeye also only showed up for random arse scenes. They barely did anything to move the story along.
Also, that scene where his mansion got blown up was so weird. When Fury said 'fire' all the mech literally WAITED until he'd ran past each one to fire. I get otherwise he would be blown to bits and maybe I could look past it and say that they were all charging up but you'd think for killing machines they'd actually be doing that.
What was up with the kid's suit? I still don't understand wth kind of technology that was and why. I thought he was an alien so was willing to give that a pass but turns out he's just a human who's lost a couple of screws. I don't even remember if its ever mentioned how he created the armour? By injecting nanobots into his brain? Hmmm. Okay. Didn't really care about his sob story so maybe I tuned it out.
Also psycho kid kept mentioning 'Sasha' and she was shown a couple of times but I still don't know who she is or how she serves any purpose to the plot. Again, maybe I've missed some sort of overarching metaphor that I should have grasped but I mean, you think it would be explained when Iron Man literally asks him and he just responds with something cryptic like 'the wind' or whatever (maybe that dialogue was for something else but I'm sorry, still kinda dumb).
As someone who is not an anime fan, the animation was...kinda cringe but definitely not as bad as Black Widow & Punisher lol or maybe they're the same? God, I can't really tell with these animes honestly. I really wish they would just make proper animated Marvel movies like DC does, not just in terms of *good* animation but also good plot.
Clearly they're having more success than Marvel for a reason.
RRR (Rise Roar Revolt) (2022)
Pure craziness with lots of eye candy
I never thought going into the movies with my family that very first week this came out that it would become a huge hit internationally--or that it would win a fricking Oscar. Crazy. But I'm honestly glad that this movie was the one chosen to represent our movies and an industry that has such a wide array of talent.
You have to suspend belief a lot with these types of movies but that's really what entertainment is. And sure, the CGI is cringe, but India really doesn't have the top tier CGI technology that America has and they sure as heck don't invest a lot of money into it because it's not considered the most important aspect of Indian cinema. Putting questionable CGI aside, I still loved every second of the crazy fight scenes. They were so over the top (even by my standards) that it was truly a fun watch. The background music for each titular character (Ram's was my favourite) always ALWAYS hyped me up. I could literally feel my blood pumping in my veins during his intro when he fought off literally hundreds of men. That one scene where everyone started piling on top of him and we were inside with him, hearing his heavy breathing and feeling the claustrophobia was a masterpiece. Usually the hero gets up and then they just fly off but we were shown every fight decision Ram chose to make and breaking that scene down little by little made it more easier for the audience to believe.
This is a movie that Hollywood would and could never recreate. A movie where two men love each other like brothers and is unapologetic for it with amazing action sequences that have you literally squealing in your seat. I'm used to 3 hour movies and with some movies you can reaaaally feel it but with this? It was all over too soon.
Ram Charan never disappoints. He's eye candy but dang, can the man act AND dance. It deserved that award for the song but honestly, it deserved the best foreign film award as well.
Avengers Assemble (2012)
Amazing--but only up to season 3
10/10 and not an 8 for the two awful last seasons because overall it deserves so much more love than it gets. Don't mind the bad reviews for this show because they're mostly from bitter EMH fans still stuck in the past and throwing temper tantrums about bringing it back, and so their opinions don't really count. See this with an open mind and as its own show and you'll love it.
I don't even know where to begin with this show. It was fantastic. I wasn't even expecting anything. I went into this because I was bored and had read the bad reviews first--that the voice actors sucked, that Hulk talked too much, that this didn't follow the comics and how seasons 4 and 5 were awful. While I agree with the last one (which I'll get to soon) the other 'points' are just comic nuts being either super picky or super bitter.
The writers make it clear that this show is based on the movie so of course, they're going to focus on that and take some creative liberties, not follow the storyline of the comics to a T. This was fine with me. It was like watching the live-action version again but in cartoon form. I don't know why this is even a debate because this show can be serious but it's literally a lighter take on everything, which is enjoyable for literally everyone. EMH closely follows the comic so honestly you can't even compare the two.
As for the voice actors, not even people's bitterness can change the fact that they were amazing, particularly the guy that voices Hawkeye. He, in my opinion, was the best out of all of them (you can hear every tremor, every emotion in his voice and you're trying to tell me he was bad? Please. Someone cast him in more superhero toons as a main or a comic relief character please. Side note: I was disappointed to see that in the Marvel Anime they got a completely different dude to voice Hawkeye! Whoever voiced Hawkeye in this needs to be him every single time). When I first heard Widow's and Iron Man's voice I was taken aback mainly because they didn't sound professional, kind of like a bad anime dub but you get used to it. Hulk talks just the right amount. He's part of the team, he has to have SOME sort of dialogue to show character development.
The first season was good but also just meh because it was only finding its feet. The second season is where it starts to pick up (it was really good) and the third season was just as good, which is why I wished they didn't completely swap the OG Avengers team with random new Avengers (like Ms Marvel, Captain Marvel--and even Ant-Man etc). I don't know about anyone else but I honestly did not give two crapshoots about the plot in season 4 and 5 because the team roster changed.
Also who approved changing voice actors and the awful animation style? It was appalling, like something out of a 10 year old's art book. It was like following new characters in a new show. The changes to the team and plot brought the whole show down 'cause it just felt rushed. They should have continued to focus on the OGs throughout its entirety (especially Black Widow and Hawkeye's relationship. There were so many hints that never came to fruition) or at the very least for 4 seasons all with the OG animation, and if they still really wanted to focus on Black Panther or the others, to have some episodes about them sprinkled in like they always did. Not dedicate a whole season to them. They didn't have the same chemistry the OG team did.
As for the earlier seasons, each episode, even though it was kind of 'separate', all came together. The overarching storyline gets addressed towards the middle of every season but each individual one was just as entertaining on their own. They only have 21 minutes to drop hints through each one so with that in mind, this show did really well. It focused on action but also wholesome moments where they seemed like a family. I loved the OG team's dynamic (before Ant-Man comes out of nowhere) and how they all interacted with one another.
Hawkeye was my favourite character surprisingly (since I don't normally care for him in the comics/movies) but he was a perfect comic relief character which honestly, I never thought of him as. It worked though. I loved this version of him and much prefer it to the MCU version. Just wished he had more screen time.
I've seen EMH and tbh that show took a while to like because of the poor voice acting, the cringe theme song and the meh animation. It wasn't as perfect of a show as the fans try to make it seem. This one hit different. It had good/goofy comedy balancing the serious moments mainly cos it didn't take itself too seriously all the time. I do have to say that some joke references were too American for me to relate with (the whole Jersey thing in one episode) but it still never took me out of the audience experience :)
Hoping they bring this show back one day or at least a revived version (like they keep doing with Spiderman for the 10 millionth time) with the same voice actors, the OG characters and the old animation!
Darlings (2022)
Boring
Plot is super slow and draggy. Nothing happens for the first hour and by the time stuff does happen, I lost interest. The comedy is lame and the main characters who are meant to be likeable aren't likeable. No wonder no one likes Bollywood movies.
The only thing I liked was the ending, that was a twist I didn't see coming and shows how victims of abuse are constantly stuck in a toxic cycle. And I loved Alia of course, she's both stunning in appearance and her ability to act in a variety of different roles. Everything else was pretty dang boring. How on earth did this movie get 6.6/10? It's worth like 4 at least lmao.
Aftermath (2021)
So boring I have no words
This movie was SOOO boring. It had nothing going for it, like how was this a horror movie? The script writer needs a new job and the people calling this movie 'amazing' need to watch more movies, clearly. And I'm sorry, all the characters except the main dude were annoying AF. It was just morally and ethically fricked up. Like the friend had the audacity to blame the guy who was being cheated on rather than her friend who was doing the cheating like that's messed up. This movie only exists because the couple are stupid enough to stay together like no one who is sane would want to be in a relationship like that. It was so boring that I actually have nothing else to say about it.